


Breathe

by Lilith_In_The_Garden



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Dave's just going through some shit, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Humanstuck, I promise, Insomnia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, it'll stop eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2018-09-18 07:58:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 56,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9375545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_In_The_Garden/pseuds/Lilith_In_The_Garden
Summary: Your name is Dave Strider, and there's nothing good about John and Rose changing schools.Without your twin sister and best friend, you've been left socially crippled at school, and barely coping at home. You're nearly certain that your mental health has been slowly spiraling downhill. You have no clue how you'll last the year to high school graduation. In all this, there's just one single ray of light.Your name is Dave Strider, and there's nothing good about John and Rose changing schools. Except for meeting Karkat Vantas.





	1. The Harley Approach

==> Be Dave

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re not looking forward to going back to school for your senior year.

I mean, that’s to be expected, right? Who the fuck shoves a seventeen-year-old into school after a hundred and four days of sweet, sweet freedom and actually thinks they’ll be happy about it? Absolutely fucking no one, that’s who. Even whoever-the-fuck made those happy go lucky back to school commercials wasn’t buying their own bullshit.

But this year, you have an additional reason for not wanting to go back to school. Namely, it was the current absence of your friends.

Despite being possibly the coolest kid to ever grace the surface of this earth, you really only have three close friends. Your twin sister Rose, your best bro John, and his cousin Jade. You’ve all been friends…well, pretty much forever. You’ve always been tight as fuck. Inseparable, really.

But not this year.

No, _this_ year, your sister had to go and get a scholarship to some fancy all-girls boarding school. And of course John’s dad decided to transfer your best friend to some private school halfway across the country. Okay, so maybe his new school was only a few blocks away from yours. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that he wasn’t at _your_ school anymore. Jade would still be here with you, but with half of the gang missing, it just felt…wrong.

But it wasn’t like you could exactly do anything about it. So you’d suck it up and whine about it to them over pesterchum later. For now, though, it was time to lug your sorry ass to school. After a quick shower and a nutritious breakfast consisting of a bowl of fruity pebbles and a glass of aj, you pull on your clothes, shove your shades into their place on your face, grab your shit and head out of your apartment, making sure you lock up as you go. Bro hadn’t been home in a few days anyway. You doubt that’d change while you're at school. Probably.

Usually when you’d leave your apartment with Rose, John would already be waiting for you two outside. You’d walk to school together, and Jade would meet you there; she lived with her grandpa in the opposite direction from the school, so he’d usually drop her off.

Today wasn’t like “usually”. Today, you leave your apartment alone. Today, no one is waiting to meet you outside. Today, Jade is leaving later than usual, since her grandpa wanted to see John before he left for his first day at his new school. The school he was going to without you.

Today sucked.

You walk to school in silence, your hands shoved into your pockets. The only sounds you could hear over the early-morning traffic was the sound of your own heartbeat, your own breathing.

You stick your earbuds into your ears and set the music library on your phone to shuffle.

You should work more on your own music. You barely did that all summer. Funny, how when you actually had time to get shit done you put it off, but now that you were back to school and would be drowning in work, you suddenly have the motivation to work on other projects. Is that just your brain’s way of making you procrastinate? Like: Oh, I have a test tomorrow, but I’ll study as soon as I finish laying out the beat for this sick jam. And then boom! Next thing you know, it’s seven am, you’ve planned out four new songs, finished two, and haven’t even looked at your textbook. What the fuck was up with that? It always happened, and you always said you were gonna get your shit together, then a week and a half later, you were right back where you started, working on Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff instead of doing your algebra homework and-

Oh. You’re here.

You keep your earbuds in as you enter the school, making your way to your locker. You ignore the groups of friends reuniting around you. You also ignore the bitter feeling it leaves you with.

You get to your locker, unloading the year’s new textbooks into it. That’s a weight off your shoulders. Literally.

You’re still busily ignoring shit when you feel someone attach themselves to you from behind, trapping you in a hug. You turn as they let go, not surprised to find Jade standing there. Her island origins were evident in her dark skin and thick, black hair, currently pulled back in a messy braid. Her bright green eyes sparkled in excitement as she stared down at you – damn, she was an amazon. And also way too happy, what the fuck.

It took you a moment to realize she was saying something. At least, her lips were moving, but the only thing you were hearing was the killer beat drop of Gladius by KXA; man was a _genius._ You reluctantly pulled your earbuds out, squinting at Jade from behind your shades.

“Did you even catch any of that, Dave?” Fuck. Now she looks kinda annoyed.

“The only thing that I caught is that you’re way too chipper for this early in the morning; especially before eight in the morning. What’s got you so perky anyway? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re down two dorks.”

 She frowned, seeming to slouch slightly as that hit her. “Of course I noticed. I miss them already. Things are going to be so… _different_ without them.” She sighed, then suddenly perked up, her excited demeanor returning. “But ‘different’ doesn’t have to be bad!”

You pause, frowning at Jade. “…Are you saying you’re happy they’re gone?”

She punches you on the arm. It’s meant to be playful, you’re aware, but even a playful punch from her tended to hurt. “Of course I’m not! Rose and John were two of my best friends! But think about it, Dave. The four of us were always together. _Always._ We barely paid any attention to all our other classmates! We were so close minded. But now that we’re down to two, we’ll have way more of an opportunity to make new friends! Focus on the positive.”

You stare at her incredulously, though in all honesty, you can see her point. None of you had ever made much of an effort to talk to your other classmates more than was absolutely necessary. Well, except for John. He talked to _everyone_. But John was an exception to everything. Maybe it wasn’t the worst idea in the world to actually try getting to know some of them.

One problem; you’re kinda shit at social interactions. Especially with people you didn’t know. You either had no clue what to say – and thus said nothing – or you’d open your mouth and spew so much verbal shit that you wound up seriously considering getting an out of order sign to permanently plaster over it.

Obviously, you haven’t actually done that. Yet.

You spend probably too long staring at Jade, contemplating the ironic value of actually getting an out-of-order sign. The taller girl waves her hand in front of your shades, trying to get your attention.

“Hellooo? Earth to Strider?”

You swat her hand away irritably, though you’re not actually annoyed. You probably needed that wake-up call. Though it’s _definitely_ ironic that you’re getting it from a narcoleptic girl.

“Yeah yeah, I read you loud and clear, Harley. And I guess you make a pretty valid point. Just make some new friends. Easy.”

“That’s the spirit, Dave! See, this year isn’t going to be _that_ bad.”

The two of you shoot the breeze absently for the next few minutes, until the bell rings and groups of friends scatter, heading to their respective first classes of the school year. You and Jade part ways, her leaving for geography while you go to your music class.

You can honestly say that talking to Jade cheered you up quite a bit. Your bleak outlook on what the school year offered had brightened – if only slightly.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re going to try the Harley approach: focus on the positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first fanfiction in 84 years, my first fanfiction on this platform, and my first Homestuck fanfiction ever. I've never written half of these characters before. I honestly have no clue what I'm doing, but hopefully it'll come out alright.


	2. Maybe You Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the fuck do you want?” he snaps at you irritably, sneering. Wow, someone’s a grumpy little shit. Though you guess you were warned.
> 
> “Damn, chill, I was just saying hi. You don’t gotta bite my dick off for it.” He simply rolls his eyes and walks faster. It doesn’t take any effort for you to keep up. “You’re Karkat, right? Karkat Vantas?”
> 
> He doesn’t even pause to glower up at you this time, though he did at least answer you as he continued his quick walk. “And you’re David fucking Strider-”
> 
> “It’s just Dave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, damn, damn, I forgot to leave a link to the song in the last chapter, shit. It's [this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz6kKB8wlj8)

“What the fuck, Jade. This is too hard. How are you so good at it?”

Your name is Dave Strider, you’re a month into the school year, and you’re starting to think that maybe making friends is harder than you’d expected.

It wasn’t that you weren’t trying. You’d been talking to people, more or less. You just weren’t comfortable with them. Not like the way you were with your actual friends. It felt awkward and uncomfortable talking to these not-quite-strangers, even when they were mostly pleasant.

Jade, on the other hand, was a natural. She was more like John; friendly, happy, and approachable. Easy to talk to. It felt like she was telling you about a new friendly encounter at least once a week, though she had refrained from actually inviting them to hang out. You knew she was doing it for your sake. She didn’t want you to feel left out. Which was a nice sentiment, and all, but instead she was making you feel incompetent.

She kept talking to you about some kid in her biology class named Karkat. He was apparently very loud, swore a lot, and sucked at biology. She says he’s in your English class. She says you should talk to him.

You know she’s just trying to help you adapt to not having John and Rose around. Especially since she doesn’t have any classes with you. She wants you to find someone to hang out with when she can’t be around. And it’s nice of her. Really. You appreciate it. You do. But goddamn, she’s absolutely babying you.

By Tuesday she’s already mentioned him three or four times that week, and you finally cave in. You decide to try talking to him, if for no reason other than to get Jade to stop.

You spot him on your way to English. You’ve seen him around before, of course, though you’ve never really made much of an effort to talk to him. He’s your age, but pretty short for it. His pale, freckly skin sharply contrasts his dark hair and eyes, which are further accentuated by the ever-present bags under them. He is currently wearing dark jeans and a grey sweatshirt that effectively swallow his entire frame.

Not really one for style. Okay, you could work with that.

You don’t even have to walk any faster to catch up to him. Your long legs have casual strides almost twice as long as his. You’re tempted to casually throw an arm around his shoulders just to get a conversation started, but the irritated glare he throws your way just for walking next to him makes you put a rain check on that option. Maybe another time.

You offer a casual, “Hey dude.” He glances up at you, looking almost suspicious, before turning his gaze determinedly forward once more, silent.

“Dude,” you repeat, a bit more insistently. He heaves a sigh, but looks up at you, glaring into your shades as if he can see your eyes behind them. The thought makes you instinctively reach up to push them a little further up your nose, as if to ensure that your eyes are properly hidden. They are.

“What the fuck do you want?” he snaps at you irritably, sneering. Wow, someone’s a grumpy little shit. Though you guess you were warned.

“Damn, chill, I was just saying hi. You don’t gotta bite my dick off for it.” He simply rolls his eyes and walks faster. It doesn’t take any effort for you to keep up. “You’re Karkat, right? Karkat Vantas?”

He doesn’t even pause to glower up at you this time, though he did at least answer you as he continued his quick walk. “And you’re David fucking Strider-”

“It’s just Dave.”

He shoots you a glare at your interruption, then continues as if you hadn’t spoken. “Now that the formal introductions are out of the way, back the fuck off and leave me alone, you horseshitting globetickling assmouth.

You’re not entirely sure what he just called you. You’re not even sure _he’s_ sure what he just called you.

Still, you persist. “No can do, bro. We have the same class now, in case you forgot. ’Fraid you’re gonna have to be stuck with me for a bit longer.” Karkat scowls at the ground as if it had risen all on its own to trip him.

Okay. This was kinda fun. His reactions to all of this definitely were. You could get used to this.

“I’ve heard some very promising things about you from my good friend Jade,” you continue idly, only to be cut off by an annoyed groan from the small boy who’d suddenly stopped in his tracks. You turn to look at him, finding him with his eyes closed, head hanging, hand pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Of fucking course,” he whines the words. “Of fucking _course_ Harley was telling you about me. That explains so much…”

“Uh…dude? Care to explain it to me too? ’Cause, uh, I’m not really having this whole ‘moment of clarity’ thing just yet, and I’m really not a fan of being out of the loop on these things, and-”

“It makes sense,” Karkat says abruptly, cutting off your rambling before you can get too carried away, thank god, “because she kept talking to _me_ about _you._ Jesus fuck, I can’t believe this bullshit…”

He begins walking again, glaring at the ground with a renewed vigour as he grumbles under his breath. You’re not going to lie, you’re a bit taken aback by how irritated all of this was getting him, but after a moment you’re back to your senses, only needing to take three or four long strides before you’re shuffling alongside him once more.

“Okay, so what? Is it really that big of a deal that she was telling us about each other?” He doesn’t reply, doesn’t do so much as spare you a glance. “Uh, hellooo? Earth to Karkat? Is there life on Mars or what?” Nothing but the same muted grumbling. “Dude, what the fuck, can you even hear me right now? What’s going on up there?” His only response is to flip you the bird as he stomps angrily into your shared English class, not looking up from the ground as he navigated his way to his seat near the front of the classroom.

Okay. You guess that means the conversation’s done.

You fish your headphones out of your pocket as you arrive at your own seat, as far back in the room as you can get and smushed right up against the window. As Snavs & Fabian Mazur’s Exhale begins to crescendo in your ears, you can’t resist the urge to lean ever so slightly over in your seat to get just a glimpse of Karkat sitting rigidly in his own seat, glaring down at his desk like someone had written something offensive on it.

You have to admit, you’re kind of intrigued by the little guy. At least enough to want to get to know him better. Maybe Jade was even right. Maybe you guys could even be friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to put a song in every chapter, so you have that to look forward to, ha. Jeez, trap and electro are good fucking genres, I will always recommend this shit, yes.
> 
> So, uh, here's the song that was in this chapter. [You're welcome.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJXxkPsNrVM)


	3. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the ever-loving fuck, Harley?”
> 
> Your name is Dave Strider, and your lovely lunch with your good friend Jade Harley has just been rudely interrupted by a short, loud, angry brunette.
> 
> “Hi Karkat!” Jade chirped the words cheerfully, as if the boy in question had joined them with a smile and quiet disposition.
> 
> In reality, he had slammed his hands down on the cafeteria table, back hunched with his bag dangling from one shoulder, glowering at Jade.

“What the ever-loving _fuck_ , Harley?”

Your name is Dave Strider, and your lovely lunch with your good friend Jade Harley has just been rudely interrupted by a short, loud, angry brunette.

“Hi Karkat!” Jade chirps the words cheerfully, as if the boy in question had joined them with a smile and quiet disposition.

In reality, he had slammed his hands down on the cafeteria table, back hunched with his bag dangling from one shoulder, glowering at Jade.

It's been a bit over a week since the first time you’d pestered Karkat in the hallway on the way to class, and since then, you’ve done it nearly every day, whether you had a class together or not. He never really gives you much of an answer other than yelling at you to fuck off or something of that nature, then proceeding to ignore you until you’ve gotten to his classroom. You almost felt bad about bugging him so much. Or at least, you probably would, if he didn’t make it so easy. Just about anything you said would set him off.

He isn’t even looking at you now. All of his attention is fixed on Jade. She doesn’t even flinch under his gaze. Possibly because he poses absolutely no threat to her. She could probably take him out easily, if she wanted to.

She looks up at him calmly. Or at least, her features are still. But you can see the glimmer of challenge in her eyes. It's almost as if she was daring him to make a scene.

Whether that's her intention or not, Karkat clearly isn’t up for a fight. He seems to collapse on himself, elbows buckling as he drops next to you at the table with a hopeless groan. You’d pat his back if you didn’t think he’d rip your arm from your shoulder for doing it.

“You win, okay?” You’d been unaware that there’d been any sort of competition between the two. “Just…tell him to quit it already.” His head drops onto the table.

Oh. So this is your fault.

Okay, now you actually _do_  feel bad. He just looks so…worn out. Well, he always looks tired, with those dark eyebags, but it had never really occurred to you just how tired he always seemed. Like it was a fight to stay on his feet. And now, he looked like he’d finally lost that fight.

And it's all your fault. Good job, Dave.

Jade doesn’t even seem phased, though. She shakes her head at him, almost looking like she wants to laugh. Damn Jade, that’s stone cold. “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, Karkat.”

You're close enough that you can hear him growling, but he doesn’t lift his head. “You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about, Harley. I’m talking about your stupid rambling friend Strider. Make him stop.”

Ouch.

“Damn dude, not one for sparing feelings, are you? I’m right here, you know.”

He’s silent for a moment, then he turns his head to squint up at you. It almost seems like he just realised you were there, and he’s trying to figure out how he hadn’t heard you sit. “…Indeed you are,” he finally says.

You’re not entirely sure how to take that.

Jade saves you from having to answer by jumping back into the conversation. “Really, Karkat, Dave’s not that bad! Come on, give him a chance, at least. I really think you two could make great friends!”

The other boy’s gaze lingers on you for a moment longer before he’s turning to look at Jade, his chin on the cafeteria table. Probably not sanitary. You’re tempted to let him know, but you somehow doubt your input would be particularly appreciated right now.

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned that once or twice or a million fucking times,” he sighs in exasperation and angles his head downwards so that his forehead is resting on the table once more. “What you neglected to mention was the fact that he’s always talking and doesn’t have an off button, as far as I can tell.”

“I wouldn’t have to talk so much if you’d actually respond to me, dude,” you butt in, trying to defend yourself. “Like, at least try to have some sort of conversation with me before you judge. Here, let’s try this. I’m going to say ‘sup’ and you’re going to respond with ‘nothing much, just chillin’ with this cool dude and super smart chick’. Ready?” No response. You continue anyway. “’Sup?”

“Fuck off.”

“Okay, good attempt, but your line was actually ‘nothing much, just chillin’ with this cool dude and super smart chick’. But definitely not bad for a first attempt. Let’s try this again. ’Sup?”

“Stop talking to me.”

“Four entire words. That’s progress, that’s twice as many words as you used the first time. Still not quite right, but I’m sure you’ll get there with a bit of practice.”

Karkat groaned loudly, looking up at Jade with his chin on the table once more. “Do you see what I mean?”

She only laughed in response, shaking her head. “He’s rambling. It means he likes you! Come on, don’t dismiss the possibility that quickly! Give him a chance, at least.”

You can’t say you’re entirely thrilled with Jade’s exact choice of words, but you are grateful that she’s vouching for you, at least. Karkat seems to be considering her words, his head turned to study you silently. You’re not sure if the look he’s giving you is supposed to be good or bad, but you again find yourself pushing your shades further up your nose to hide your eyes, careful to keep your expression perfectly neutral.

Heaving a dramatic sigh, Karkat finally lifts his head, rising from the table. He regards you one final time before refocusing his attention on Jade. He’s silent for a few moments, then shrugs half-heartedly. “I guess I have to take your word for that.” Without any further explanation, he staggers away, throwing himself down instead at a heavily populated table halfway across the cafeteria. You notice a tall, skinny looking guy with a mess of black hair on his head throw an arm around his shoulders, laughing as he said something you couldn’t hear from this distance. Whatever it was, Karkat didn’t look particularly impressed.

You look to Jade in confusion, only to find that she’s already looking at you, just as lost.

“So, uh…was that a good thing or a bad thing?"

She shrugs, her attention dropping to the home-made lunch her grandpa had packed for her. “I have no clue. I guess we’ll find out soon enough?”

You frown slightly, opening your bag of Dorito’s and glancing to the table Karkat had gone to sit at. The tall guy still has an arm around him, smiling vacantly as he drinks from a juice pouch. Karkat himself is talking very animatedly to a girl across the table, red shades pointing towards him in a manner that indicates she's listening, but a wide grin which contrasts the anger Karkat is talking with decorates her face.

Almost as if she’d caught you staring, she shifts ever so slightly so that her glasses now faced you instead. You quickly avert your gaze.

“Guess so,” you finally say in response to Jade’s questioning comment, though you doubt she actually expected an answer. Or that you answer had cleared anything up.

Either way, it was well past time to find a new topic. You move around the table to sit next to Jade, pulling out your phone with the earbuds already plugged in. You offer one of them to her, and once it’s in, you start up the song you’d downloaded last night; the WILDLYF remix of blackbear’s Wanderlust.

The two of you absently bob your heads in unison as you listen to the song. You find your eyes straying back to Karkat’s table. The girl with the red shades is facing him again, no indication that she had ever so much as glanced at you. You can hear her laugh clearly even from this distance; it’s a sharp cackle which easily pierces through the din of the cafeteria. You’ve heard it before.

She turns her head sharply, and you’re positive this time; she’s looking right at you. Everything about her confirms it, the angle of her head, the lean of her body, the sharp twitch of her fingers as she flicks them briefly in your direction. You’re positive that she’s looking at you.

The beat drops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nO2Bf9nqGdk&list=PLI586BrOk9MPywfum5aUZNPyF6jhCv--3&index=19) the song in this chapter. Thanks so so much for all the kudos and comments! Keep up the support guys, it means a lot to me.


	4. Not All Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t bite my head off for asking, but how much sleep did you get last night?”
> 
> He glances up at you, but it’s more in confusion than annoyance, so you’re pretty sure there won’t be any decapitation just yet.
> 
> “None.” His answer is so casual, and he shrugs in a way that makes you think that not getting sleep is pretty normal for him.
> 
> “None?”

You’re tapping the beat of the song you’d started mixing last night, the sounds of busy hallways sounding almost muted in comparison to the residual bass still booming into your ears. That’s when you spot him, slouching with his head resting on his locker.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you haven’t spoken to Karkat at all in the nine days since his little episode at your lunch table.

As fun as it was to rile him up, you didn’t like just how exhausted he had seemed that day. You had figured you’d give him some space for a while. Let him calm down and get his shit together before you bugged him again.

He didn’t look like he was calming down.

You approach him uncertainly, raising a hand to place on his back before lowering it once more. The gesture probably wouldn’t be appreciated. Maybe next time.

“Uh, hey dude. You alright?”

He slowly pulls away from the locker, turning to look up at you. It was immediately obvious that he was barely managing to stay on his feet; he seemed like he might pass out at any moment. You instinctively take his arm to help support him, but he shrugs you off irritably. Yeah, you’d expected as much.

“I’m fine,” he grunts, quite clearly not fine. “I just forgot the stupid combination for my stupid locker.”

You frown, looking at the locker in question. “Oh damn, that happens to me all the time. I hate that shit. Hope you don’t need anything in there too bad?”

He groans, leaning back on his locker. You guess that answers that question. “Fuck.” He swears, but there’s no anger behind the word, just reluctant acceptance.

Heaving a sigh, he pushes off of the locker, grabbing his bag just as the bell rang. The weight of his instantly has him stumbling. You take his arm again, and this time he lets you. You clear your throat, walking him to class. You think he has Spanish now. You take French. “Don’t bite my head off for asking, but how much sleep did you get last night?”

He glances up at you, but it’s more in confusion than annoyance, so you’re pretty sure there won’t be any decapitation just yet.

“None.” His answer is so casual, and he shrugs in a way that makes you think that not getting sleep is pretty normal for him.

_“None?”_ you repeat. You’re a mess without sleep; you at least got four or five hours after you were satisfied with your song’s progress last night.

“None,” he echoes, still sounding like it wasn’t a big deal. Now you’re curious.

“Okay, none. What about the night before that?”

He looks up at you again, eyes narrowed to suspicious slits. He’s silent for a moment before replying, addressing your question, but not answering it. “…Why do you care how much sleep I got?”

You wave his inquiry away. “Humour me. Answer the question.”

His eyes are still narrowed at you, and your hand instinctively begins to rise to your face. You have to remind yourself that there’s no possible way he can see your eyes, despite the uncomfortable way he seems to be studying them.

Finally he shrugs, his gaze turning forward once more. “None.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Yes, of course I’m fucking serious. Your turn to answer some questions. Why the _fuck_ do you care how much sleep I get?”

You ignore him. “Night before that.”

“None. Dave, why does it matter?”

“Dude, what the _fuck?”_ Your exasperation is clear in your voice. You’re honestly, completely lost here. So is Karkat, judging by the look on his face, though you suspect he has a completely different reason for being that way. “Why do you never sleep? You stay up every night doing homework like some teacher’s pet or some shit like that?”

He glowers at you. “I’m an insomniac, you insensitive prick.”

“…Oh.” You go silent, guilty. Okay, maybe you could have handled that better.

You hear Karkat sigh next to you and glance over at him. He’s looking forward again, seeming defeated. “Don’t make that face. I’m not actually mad at you, dumbass.”

It’s your turn to narrow your eyes at him suspiciously from behind your shades. “It kind of seems like you’re _always_ mad at me. How am I supposed to know when you’re real mad and when you’re just acting mad?”

He seems to find this amusing, since he laughs, shaking his head. It’s a strange sound to hear from him, weirdly sweet. “Just trust me; you’ll know.”

You don’t get the joke, but don’t say anything about it for now. “Right.”

He continues, a slight smile still gracing his face. “But no, I’m not mad. It’s not like you could have known. I’m used to the stupid questions.”

You frown, risking asking another ‘stupid question’. “So, if you know you’re an insomniac, why don’t you do something about it? Get meds or something?”

He shrugs, the look on his face not even shifting. You assume that means he’s heard that one before. “My doctor prescribed some shit, but my dad won’t let me actually use them. He’s worried about some of the side effects.”

You suppose that makes sense. You’re pretty sure sleeping pills could have some nasty side effects. Probably. “Still, it must suck.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m used to it. It gives me more time to get shit done anyway, so it’s not all bad.”

You frown, but let the topic drop. Mostly because you’re at his classroom door. “I can come back for you after class, if you want. Escort you from place to place or some shit. Make sure you don’t pass out in a hallway and get trampled by a herd of angsty teens. I’ve seen that shit happen, Karkat, it’s pretty messy. Would hate for you to be left a red smudge on the hallway floor. Some poor janitor would slowly clean you up over time. Every day he’ll be mopping this stubborn red spot thinking, ‘God, this poor kid. May he rest in peace.’ He probably won't even get rid of the spot in his life time. Every new generation of janitors will scrub at that spot, and it'll fade over time, but never quite disappear. There'll always be little red Karkat streaks stuck in the cracks in the tiles.”

“Okay, shut up now.” Karkat evidently seems to be done with your rambling. You can’t blame him; that one had been more gruesome than you had intended. “No, you don’t have to walk me anywhere. Believe it or not, I _am_ capable of making it from point A to point B without assistance.”

You doubt that, judging from the way he’s leaning in the doorway for support, but decide to drop it for now. “Alright, cool. I’ll see you in English then.”

He nodded, backing out of the doorway. “Yeah, see you.”

And then he was gone.

You blink at the space he’d been occupying a moment before. That was your first real conversation with Karkat Vantas. And it was actually a good one. Jade was right.

You step out of the doorway, tapping the beat of the Manila Killa remix of Invincible by Big Wild on your leg as you stride off to your French class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znBE4RBrXNE). Thanks so much to everyone who's left kudos or a comment so far! Your feedback means a lot to me, keep it coming!


	5. Hey Cool Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re not hanging out with Karkat after school today. He’d said something about having to do something for his dad and run off immediately after school. So you’re by yourself at your locker, grabbing whatever you think you’d need for homework.
> 
> Then suddenly, you’re not by yourself anymore.
> 
> You hear a clipped voice shriek, “Hey cool kid!” followed by a hand with a strong grip on your arm, sharp nails digging you’re your arm.

You talk to Karkat more often after that. Sometimes he’ll let you copy notes from his English book, or sit at his table during lunch (Jade’s not usually invited to that, but she sits with her other friends and insists that she doesn’t mind). Other times, you’ll let him listen to the music you mixed/liked (He had a weird obsession with BKAYE’s remix of Vanic’s Samurai) or invite him to hang out (Jade’s always invited to that, but she and Karkat always end up fighting, so sometime she’ll leave early).

Whatever it is you’re doing, you’ve come to really like spending time with him.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are absolutely not replacing John as your best bro, but you have to admit that you kinda like Karkat.

No homo though.

Either way, you’re not hanging out with Karkat after school today. He’d said something about having to do something for his dad and run off immediately after school. So you’re by yourself at your locker, grabbing whatever you think you’d need for homework.

Then suddenly, you’re not by yourself anymore.

You hear a clipped voice shriek, “Hey cool kid!” followed by a hand with a strong grip on your arm, sharp nails digging into you’re your arm.

You glance over at Terezi. She’s taller than Karkat (almost everyone’s taller than Karkat; it’s no contest), but still pretty small. You’d never call her short, but she’s skin and bones. Everything about her is sharp; her elbows, her laugh, her personality. She’s absolutely piercing, but pretty cool.

She made you nervous at first; it always felt like she was staring right at you, searching, unblinking. It didn’t take long, however, before that nerve was subsided. Once you’d mentioned it to Karkat, and he’d rolled his eyes, asked if you were ‘actually fucking serious, holy shit Strider, you’re such a fucking idiot’, and promptly informed you that Terezi was blind.

She grins up at you now – you still expect all her teeth to be pointed whenever she does that, but of course her teeth were perfectly normal, if slightly crooked. You offer her a smirk that you know she won’t be able to see, but always seems to sense somehow anyway.

As if she’d you’re your mind, she releases your arm with a sharp cackle. “Never planning on showing me those pearly whites?”

“Even if I show you, you wouldn’t be able to see them.”

“Ouch, hit me right in the disability, why don’t you?”

When you’d first found out that Terezi was blind, you’d been really careful about everything you said to her, careful not to say anything potentially offensive or insensitive. You soon realised, however, that she was perfectly capable of doing anything anyone else could do, and was pretty smug about it, so you didn’t really worry about offending her anymore.

You make a face, and she laughs like she knows what you’re doing. She probably does.

“What did you need, TZ?” you ask, using your special nickname for her. You know she loves it when you call her that.

Her grin hadn’t faded since the start of the conversation, and it only seems to be growing now. “Nothing from you,” she assures you. “Karkat lent me his textbook for chemistry. I was gonna give it back, but it looks like he’s already gone.”

“Why would you borrow his textbook? You can’t read it.” You’re not trying to be rude, you’re just really curious about this.

Terezi doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, she’s beaming proudly at the question. “My sister read it to me.”

“Your sister? Isn’t she in college?” If memory serves, Terazi’s sister is about the same age as Karkat’s brother, who’s just started his masters’ classes. Maybe she’s taking a gap year or something.

Terezi shrugs, her smile fading ever so slightly. “She got her undergrad degree, so she figured she’d take a year off to…to spend some time with her boyfriend.”

“Oh.” That’s all you say. You don’t know much about Terezi’s sister’s boyfriend – Sollux’s older brother – but you _do_ know that some sort of accident left him unfit to take care of himself. No one will tell you more than that, and you don’t pry.

Terezi’s quick to change the subject. “Anyway, I guess I could just swing by his place to give him this thing. You can come with, if you want.”

You consider it. As much as you and Karkat have been hanging out lately, you haven’t actually seen his house yet (to be fair, he hasn’t seen yours either). You can’t pretend you’re not curious about where he lives. But somehow, you kind of doubt he’s home right now.

“I dunno, he said something about having to do something for his dad before he left. Would he be done with that yet?”

She makes a face in response to your question. “If Mr. Vantas has him running errands, he won’t be home for a while.” She sticks out her weirdly long tongue in annoyance. A moment later, though, and she's grinning just as brightly as ever. Terezi's weird like that. “But hey, that means I can finally invite you out, just you and me.”

It’s your turn to make a face. Not because you don’t like the idea, you’re just confused about where this was coming from all of a sudden. “Uh…okay, sure. Where’re we going?”

“Doesn’t matter. We can just go to Pizza Hut or something. Come on, my treat.”

Damn, you’ve gotta admit; free pizza sounds pretty good right about now. There wasn’t any food at home anyway, unless Bro had picked something up for the two of you, and he hasn’t done that in years. “Pizza Hut it is, then.”

“Perfect. It’s a date.”

You don’t even have time to say _‘what?’_ before she’s taking your arm with a bony hand and guiding you out the doors of the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpoUkm__klY) is the song in this chapter. Hope y'all love it, though it's kinda a filler. Comments are always great, btw.


	6. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way he looks at you has you struggling to get your words out properly. Which, of course, results in you spewing just about all the words you know.

Your date with Terezi actually went really well. You hadn’t expected it to be _bad_ or anything; Terezi was actually pretty cool, and the two of you typically got along really well. The date was no exception to this norm. You can honestly say that you had a lot of fun. Enough fun that you ended up agreeing to a second date. And a third. And a fourth.

Your name’s Dave Strider, and your girlfriend is Terezi Pyrope.

Honestly, you weren’t quite sure how that had happened. You and Terezi had been going on dates for about a month before she’d suddenly referred to you as her boyfriend, and you hadn’t protested, so here you were.

It wasn’t like that much changed between you two when you’d started dating. You started hanging out with each other one on one more often. You shared the occasional kiss. Nothing steamy and passionate, but just casual kisses that felt kind of natural.

Not everyone was exactly thrilled about the development. When you’d told John one weekend that you’d gotten a girlfriend, he’d demanded to speak to her. You’d given him her chumhandle and he’d immediately started messaging her. An hour later, he was angrily arguing that _‘no, this girl is not good for you, Dave. You cannot date her, she’s the absolute worst! >:B’_

John never got angry at anyone.

Terezi had later informed you that her best friend, a girl named Vriska who went to school somewhere else, had had a similar reaction.

Karkat had taken the news even worse. You’d mentioned it in passing on your way to lunch one day, and he’d looked at you like you’d threatened to kill his mom. Then he’d launched himself at you, and Gamzee had had to pull him off after he’d landed a particularly nasty hit that had split your lip. He still hasn’t looked you in the face since then, and it’s been almost been two weeks.

You don’t really get why he’d freaked out like that, but you don’t let it bother you too much. Or at least, you try not to. Mostly, you just distract yourself with the fact that Karkat actually managed to get a few hits in.

That thought wasn’t really any better.

You’re at lunch now. Terezi is sitting with you and Jade at your usual table; you’re kinda not really on speaking terms with Karkat right now, much less table-sharing terms. Terezi’s saying something, but honestly, you aren’t really listening. Your eyes keep wondering to Karkat’s table, where the boy in question sits. He’s not yelling today, just staring dejectedly at his plate. He’s looked like that for the past few days, actually. All of his friends seem to be aware of it too; the atmosphere over there is tense. The only one who seems oblivious is Gamzee, who looks just as out of it as always, an arm slung lazily around Karkat’s shoulders.

“Uh, hellooo? You even listenin’ Dave?” Terezi’s voice addressing you grabs your attention and you quickly look towards her. She’s facing you expectantly. You sigh.

“Sorry, TZ,” you mumble. “Guess I got kinda distracted.”

She’s silent for a moment, turning her head towards her old table. Then she shrugs, facing you once more. “You could just try talking to him again, you know.”

You blink behind your shades, caught off guard. “…What?”

“Karkat,” she clarifies. “You guys used to be inseparable. You clearly miss him, and he seems pretty miserable without you. So just go talk to him about whatever’s bugging you. Work through it or something.”

Despite Terezi’s characteristic aloofness, she’s pretty smart. When she gives serious advice, it’s usually in your best interest to go listen to her. You nod, then remember she can’t see you. “…Yeah. I’ll try that. What’ve I got to lose?”

\---

English is your last class of the day today. You spot Karkat while on your way there, and Terezi’s advice plays in your head. You hesitate, but soon approach the boy just a few paces ahead of you.

Again, you note the exhaustion in his posture. He’s slouching, head lowered, eyes on the ground, books held to his chest. He’d told you that he was an insomniac, which explained his usual weariness, but he’d been steadily looking more and more worn out. You’re kind of worried about him.

He doesn’t seem to have noticed you yet. You put a hand gently on his shoulder to gain his attention, causing him to start, drop his books, and glower up at you. The moment he realizes who it is, though, his gaze softens and drops once more. He gets to his knees, collecting his scattered books and papers so quickly that you don’t even have a chance to help him. When he gets to his feet again, he doesn’t speak, but he doesn’t move on either. You choose to take that as a good sign.

“Uh, hey man,” you begin, watching him from behind your shades. “You alright? ‘Cause you kinda look like you’re dying of some shit.”

He doesn’t rise to the bait like you’d expected him to, only shrugging. Somehow, that only makes you feel worse. “I’m fine,” he insists absently.

You hesitate for a moment before speaking again. “…Are _we_ okay?”

That gets his attention. He finally looks up at you, eyebrows furrowed, clearly lost. “What…?”

The way he looks at you has you struggling to get your words out properly. Which, of course, results in you spewing just about all the words you know. “Us. Y’know, like, our relationship. I mean, friendship relationship. Our completely platonic bro-ship. ‘Cause we’re bros. You and me, man. Just a pair of homies. Or, uh, we were. I want to think we still are? ‘Cause, like, look, I like you. In a friendly way. You’re pretty cool, usually. And it’s funny to see you get mad over stupid shit. But everything kinda fell to shit when I started dating Terezi. And like, that really sucks. It’s cool hanging with you and stuff. I don’t want that to end just because I’m dating your friend or whatever. Like, I didn’t even realize it was a big deal or anything ‘til you went and flipped your shit over it. Which I guess is justified – you guys have been friends for a hot minute, so I guess I get why you’d be protective. Damn, I never really thought about that until literally just now. I promise I’ll be good to her. Won’t do anything without the go ahead. So, uh, can we still be friends?”

The more you talk, the more confused Karkat looks. Which, of course, just makes you talk more in an attempt to explain yourself. Thank god for your shades; there’s no doubt in your mind that you’d be an even bigger mess than you already are if you weren’t wearing them.

As your rant draws to an uncertain stop, something seems to click in Karkat’s eyes. He exhales loudly through his nose, shaking his head slowly. You can feel your hands sweating. Is that a no to being friends, then?

“…Dave.” When he says your name, he’s speaking slowly and clearly, as if explaining something to a child. You don’t think you like it. “I reacted like that to you dating Terezi because _I_ like her.”

“…Oh.” You go silent. Shit, now you feel like an asshole and an idiot. How could you not have picked up on that? Now that he said it, it felt kind of obvious. He was always more patient around her than he was with the others, always trying harder to seem cool, always doing whatever he could to get and hold her attention.

“Oh, shit, dude.” You groan, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose. “I’m so fucking sorry, I had no idea. Goddamn, I just blatantly disregarded bro-code. Fuck, I’m the worst.”

Karkat snorts, rolling his eyes. “Jury’s still out on that one, Strider,” he insists. “I mean, I _did_ punch you in the face. I think I’m also in the running for ‘the worst’.”

You blink at him. His mood seems to have improved. You’re not quite sure what you did right, but he’s wearing the tiny smile he tends to put on when you do something that amuses him. You suppose that’s a good sign.

“Oh damn, I don’t think we can _both_ be the worst. Like, there’s no draw, dude. One of us is gonna have to forfeit. There’s only one trophy, dude, and there isn’t enough space for them to squeeze the names of _two_ assholes into the inscription.”

His smile grows slightly, letting you know that you made a good decision there. Good. That was good. “Well I’m not backing out,” he informs you, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice. The corner or your mouth twitches upwards slightly in spite of yourself. “Let the asshole games begin.”

You’re about to respond when the warning bell for class rings. He starts walking again, pausing only briefly to glance back at you. “Come on, you vile pungent fairyshit, let’s get to class.”

You’re not sure what he means by ‘fairyshit’, but you decide to let it slide, taking a few quick steps to catch up with him. As you walk, you can hear him quietly humming MÖWE’s Sunshine. You make it to class just in time, and part ways to head to your seats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sunshine's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moZJf5kKwsY&list=PLI586BrOk9MPywfum5aUZNPyF6jhCv--3&index=5) right here. Just to clarify, Davekat is my endgame ship, and I'm going to start introducing that idea after this chapter, but there's still going to be some other relationships first, so yeah. Thanks for reading, comments help out a lot.


	7. Lights Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’d been sure that the bell would wake him up, but he’s still fast asleep, face completely hidden in his elbow. He’s breathing pretty deeply, and you know he’s hit deep sleep. God knows he needs it. But school is over, and as much as you wish you could, you can’t just leave him sleeping here.

You hate to admit it, but your eyes have been on the back of Karkat’s head since class started. It had been sinking lower and lower as the teacher droned on, and now, at last, it’s finally hit the desk. His breathing evens out.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you just watched Karkat Vantas fall asleep in class.

Karkat Vantas _never_ falls asleep in class. He never even rests his eyes.

It’s been about a month since the two of you had made up after your weird sort of falling out over Terezi. You’d been a bit more careful in your observations of him since that incident, wanting to make sure you didn’t accidentally do something to make him mad again. You hate to admit it, but he actually packs a pretty mean punch.

You’ve notices a pattern during that time. He’ll be perfectly fine one day, then steadily get more tired throughout the next week or so. Then one day he’ll show up normal once more. You assume those are the days he actually gets sleep. His tired days are usually elongated when he’s dealing with something stressful, like an upcoming test or project.  You’ve noticed that this particular stretch of exhaustion had been going on for about two weeks. And now he’s crashed and passed out.

The corners of your lips quirk downwards as you stare at his slumped figure, his face buried in the crook of his elbow. He’d almost made it; school is almost over. You suppose the fact that he knew that, yet fell asleep anyway is a pretty bad sign.

You’re barely listening to the teacher as he dictates notes, only taking down sporadic jottings as you wait for the bell. And sure enough, it’s ringing minutes later. You pack your bag quickly and make your way to Karkat’s desk.

You’d been sure that the bell would wake him up, but he’s still fast asleep, face completely hidden in his elbow. He’s breathing pretty deeply, and you know he’s hit deep sleep. God knows he needs it. But school is over, and as much as you wish you could, you can’t just leave him sleeping here.

You shake his shoulder, but he only mumbles and shifts without waking up. You huff, glancing around the room. The teacher already left, as did most students. Many of the ones left were either on their way out, or caught up in conversations with their friends.

You look back down at the sleeping Karkat, shaking his shoulder a bit more insistently. “Dude. Hey, sleeping beauty. It’s time to wake up.”

He mumbles again, but this time you can make out his muffled words. “Just…gimme five more minutes…”

You exhale again, staring down at him with a slight frown. “Would if I could, but school is over, I’m not leaving you here alone, and I’m _definitely_ not waiting for your sorry ass. Dude, seriously, up.”

He finally looks up at you, turning his head without lifting it and blinking slowly. His eyebrows are furrowed and you’ve never actually realized how long his eyelashes were before now. He’s got this little gap in his left eyebrow where he has a scar from some old injury, but other than that they’re really thick, like his curly hair. The gap doesn’t take away from his appearance either; if anything, it adds character. It suits him. You have to admit, he actually looks pretty cute right now.

No homo, though. Just a bro taking note of another bro’s appearance. You have a girlfriend, okay, you’re not gay.

Right, time to stop that train of thought before it derails and gets you in trouble. Karkat is still looking up at you, a slight frown etched onto his face. He looks kind of confused and out of it, which you suppose makes sense, given the circumstances.

“Dave?” He says your name like a question, staring at you like he’s waiting for an explanation. You sigh once more.

“Dude, you hardcore passed out in class.” He frowns a little deeper, looking away from you and slowly sitting up. He stares at his desk in silence for a few moments. You risk speaking again, your voice coloured ever so slightly with concern. “…Karkat? Are you okay?”

He looks at you again, seeming surprised now, like he’d forgotten you were there. Slowly, his gaze drifts back down to his desk. “…I’ve never fallen asleep at school before.” His voice is quiet as he speaks, and he still looks so confused.

You watch him watch the desk for a moment longer before rolling your eyes behind your shades and offering him your hand. His confused gaze flicks to it, then up to your face.

“I’m walking you home,” you state flatly. There’s absolutely no way you’re letting him go home by himself while he’s this out of it. You’re not going to be responsible for something happening to him.

He rubs at his eyes like he’s trying to wake up, shaking his head. “You don’t have to…I can just walk myself.”

You give him your most deadpan stare. “…Sure you can. I’ll just walk you to your locker, then.”

He nods, getting to his feet and having to pause as he swayed in place, a hand rising to his head as if it was in pain. You wait patiently, and after a moment he drops his hand, glancing at you and moving towards the door. Almost instantly, he trips over his own feet. You flashstep towards him, grabbing his arm. “…Now will you let me walk you home?”

He glowers up at you, but a moment later he drops his gaze with a defeated sigh. “…Fine.”

You nod, and the two of you set off, pausing briefly at your respective lockers before heading towards his place. He has to lead the way, since you’ve never been there before, but you make sure you stick near to him, just in case something happens. You play Your Eyes by The Knocks for him while you walk. You absolutely do _not_ make note of the fact that he smells like coffee and cherries, or that the scents mix oddly well together.

Nope. That fun fact absolutely doesn’t lodge itself in your brain. Not at all.

You realise that you haven’t been paying that much attention to where you’ve been going, but maybe you should be. After all, if this sort of thing happens again, you want to know how to get him home, if you have to. You know that you had set off in the opposite direction from your home when you left school, so that’s something.

You glance around. Okay, wow, you have absolutely no clue where you are right now. You don’t think you’ve been to this part of town before. It’s nothing out of the ordinary; coffee shops and libraries and pharmacies and the like. You begin paying particular attention as you arrive in a neighbourhood. You suppose Karkat lives around here somewhere.

Your suspicions are confirmed when he shuffles to a stop in front of a grey and burnt orange house. Interesting colour scheme. It’s not a big house, you suppose, but not small either. You figure it’s big enough for about three or four to live comfortably.

You glance to Karkat, whose digging through his pocket with a frown on his face. A moment later, he pulled a key out of his pocket with a relieved sigh. You notice that his hand is shaking slightly as he fits the key into the lock and opens the door. He steps inside, gesturing for you to do the same. You step inside, glancing around as he kicks his shoes off.

The two of you are standing in a hallway, walls painted brown and scarcely adorned with what you assume are family photos. Some of them feature a younger boy who looks a lot like Karkat, but with fluffy red hair. Other photos show an older boy with brown hair and a man you assume is their father. You frown slightly at one of the photos as you pull off your shoes. “Dude, there’re like, no pictures of you in your own house.”

He squints at you like he has no clue what you just said and is trying to decipher it. “…Of course there are.” You give him a confused look, and he rolls his eyes dramatically and points to one of the pictures of the red-haired kid.

You stare at the picture for a moment, then turn to stare at Karkat. They have the same curls, same freckles, same small nose, same long lashes framing brown eyes - though the child in the picture lacks the dark bags under them. There’s just one difference, really, but… “…But he has red hair.”

“Yes.”

“Your hair’s black.”

“There’s this thing called hair dye, dumbass.”

You stare at him a moment longer, face blank. You have no clue why that hadn’t occurred to you, but you weren’t proud, and you weren’t going to admit it.

You’d ponder more on your ignorance, but it would have to wait until later. Karkat looked just about ready to collapse. You look away from him and nod down the hall. “Which one’s your room?”

He rolls his eyes again, but wonders off down the hall, opening a wooden door and disappearing into a room. After a short pause, you follow him in.

You don’t know what you’d expected his room to look like, but it definitely wasn’t this. The walls were painted dark grey, pretty boring. Though this was remedied by an almost ridiculous number of movie posters plastered all over them. Your surprised to see that most of them are rom coms. His bed is pushed into a corner, under a Will Smith poster. Is that ‘Hitch’? It is. There’s a dresser on the other side of the door with a large, black-covered book on top of it. You expect it to be some sort of book of depressing poetry or something, based only on the cover and Karkat’s tendency to lean towards dark colours, but when you look at the title, you’re instead greeted by a coding book. You hadn’t even known he liked that kind of thing. There’s a desk next to his bed, clearly organised, a textbook to one side and a few papers on the other. In the opposite corner from his bed, there’s a large bookshelf. The upper shelves are crammed full of books, but the lower ones are filled with alphabetically organised DVDs, many of which have counterparts on his walls. You never would have guessed he was this into romance. There were two doors on one wall of his room, the one opposite to the door you’d entered through. You assume they lead to his bathroom and closet.

While you’re gawking around at his room, he’s climbing into bed, crawling under the blanket still fully clothed. You approach it uncertainly, hands crammed into your pockets, which, by the way, you tend to always do when you’re not sure what to do with them. You clear your throat. “So, uh…I should be heading home.”

Karkat hums in agreement from under the blanket, then sits up with a frown. “You know how to get back home from here?” You’re silent for a beat, the corners of your mouth turning downwards slightly against your will. That’s all the answer he needs, apparently. He sighs, sinking back into the bed. “Just spend the night. I’ll walk you home in the morning.”

You have no reason to say no; it’s a Friday, and it’s not like bro gives a shit what you do either way. But the idea of hanging around in Karkat’s room while he sleeps makes you feel like a creep. Then again, he _did_ offer. Finally, you sigh in acceptance. “…What am I supposed to do until you wake up?”

He mumbles a response, his voice heavy with sleep. “I don’t know…do your homework or something. Just keep it down…”

You sigh, moving to sit at his desk and pull out your computer to actually get some work done. You try not to listen to Karkat’s breathing slow down as he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Your Eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bSiZuWh860) is right here if you want it. Enjoy! Feel free to leave a comment here too - it really helps me out a lot!


	8. The Dark of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know he’s trying to hide his thoughts, but he’s always so easy for you to read. His emotions are scrawled in capital letters across his face; his eyes are opened wide, eyebrows furrowed, lips parted slightly like he wanted to say something, but wasn’t quite sure what to say. His skin was so pale, all his blood drained away.
> 
> He looked terrified.

Turns out, a pair of earbuds crammed into your ears and blasting music is pretty good for drowning out the sound of Karkat’s breathing. It’s also surprisingly good at helping you concentrate. You’re almost finished with the weekend’s homework already. Though you suppose it helps that you have nothing else to do, and the guy with the wifi password is asleep.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re actually being productive for once.

You squint down at the last question of your math homework, trying to figure out how to solve it. You swear, you’re usually good at math, but fuck binomials. There’s absolutely no good reason for exclamation marks to be in math.

You’re just starting to scribble down an equation when a hand clamps down on your shoulder. Your instincts kick in before your brain does, and you grab the arm, getting up quickly and roughly twisting it behind its owner, the bass of Jesper Jenset's Lies booming almost as loudly in your ears as your heart.

And then you realise that the arm you were squeezing was attached to Karkat.

You quickly let him go and yank out your headphones, putting them and your phone on the desk you had been working at. Karkat stumbles away from you and cradles his arm. The arm you had just been twisting. Fuck; you hurt him. You hadn’t meant to do that. Fuck, fuck, fuck…

He turns to face you now. You know he’s trying to hide his thoughts, but he’s always so easy for you to read. His emotions are scrawled in capital letters across his face; his eyes are opened wide, eyebrows furrowed, lips parted slightly like he wants to say something, but isn’t quite sure what to say. His skin is so pale; all his blood's drained away.

He looks terrified.

He's scared of you.

You raise your hands slowly, as if trying to approach an injured animal. Your eyes are opened wide behind your shades. You don’t think you’ve ever been more grateful for them; you know you’d look just as shaken as he did without them.

“Karkat,” you start, your voice quiet as you speak, “I am so, so sorry. I didn’t know it was you.”

He stares in stunned silence for another moment, then seems to slowly come out of it, narrowing his eyes at you with a scowl. Seconds later, he’s looking away, frowning at the ground with his eyebrows still furrowed.

“…It’s whatever. Accidents happen, I guess.”

You know it’s not ‘whatever’, but he seems to be willing to let it slide this time, at least. You silently promise both of you that nothing like this will ever happen again.

There are a few moments of uncomfortable silence before he speaks again. “…Anyway, it was getting kind of late. I was just gonna ask if you wanted to eat yet.”

Grateful for the change in topic, you nod. “Yeah, sure. I think I spotted a burger place on the way over here. Want to swing by there, or did you have somewhere specific in mind.”

He looks at you again, seeming almost confused. “I was just gonna cook something. Did you want to go out?”

You stare at him blankly. “…You can cook?”

He almost looks offended. “Of course I can cook. Now, do you want to go clog your veins with grease, or do you want me to make something?”

You quickly nod. “No, yeah, definitely, cook something.”

You’re not used to home cooked meals. You’re not even used to the idea of them. When you were little, your bro would bring home fast food and Doritos and shit for everyone, but that stopped around the time you were ten or eleven. After that, you and your other siblings took turns scrounging up enough money to grab something for everyone to eat. Now that it was just you, you had gotten some part time job and relapsed into your fast food and chips habits. Most days, at least.

Karkat nods towards the door, leaving his room. You take the hint and follow him. He’s not holding his arm anymore. You’re not sure whether that means that it doesn’t hurt anymore, or if he’s just trying to help you feel less guilty. If it’s that second one, it’s not really working.

He leads you into a room with a wide doorway with no door which turns out to be the kitchen. He bounces on his toes as he glances around the room, pauses, then approached one of the wooden overhead cabinets. He stares up at it once he’s opened it, then rises onto his toes, stretching up to grab something from inside it. It doesn’t seem to work, as he returns to his flatfooted stance empty handed. Honestly, you’re struggling to contain your laughter. Ordinarily, you’d probably tease him, but you don’t want to make him actually mad after what happened in his room.

He glances back at you and you start forward to help him, but before you can, he scrambles up onto the counter beneath the cupboards, grabs something from it, and hops back to the floor, now successfully holding a box of spaghetti.

You can’t help it this time. The look of pride on his face is just too much. You laugh.

He turns, scowling at you like he’s about to snap at you, but something in his expression suddenly changes. The corners of his lips twitch like he’s trying (and failing) to keep a straight face. Finally, he gives in, snorting before shaking his head and laughing. Before long, the two of you are doubled over and cracking up, and things are normal again.

You’re pretty sure by the time you two calm down and stop laughing that several minutes must have passed. Karkat straightens up, wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes. You have to adjust your now crooked shades so that your eyes are properly obscured once more.

He moves away from you, grabbing a pot from a cupboard. “Fuck you Strider, nothing about that was funny.”

You roll your eyes behind your shades, trailing behind Karkat as he moves around the kitchen, filling the pot with water and putting it on the stove. “Oh, quit the act, Vantas. If it wasn’t funny, then why were you laughing?”

By now he’s stopped moving, and you’re standing maybe a bit too close to him. He shoves you playfully and you take a step back to avoid making him uncomfortable or something. “If you’re going to hang around, make yourself useful and go grab the tomato sauce in the fridge.” You nod and head over to the fridge as he keeps talking. “And for the record, I was only laughing because _you_ were laughing, and laughter is contagious, and your laugh is stupid, so it’s _especially_ contagious.”

You scoff indignantly as you route through his fridge, pushing things around until you see a jar of tomato sauce, which you grab and bring over to him. “Don’t lie, I know you love my laugh.”

He rolls his eyes and snatches the tomato sauce from you, dumping it into a pan he’d grabbed and put on the stove while you’d been investigating his fridge. He turns on the burner under it – you absently note that it’s a gas stove.

He’s silent for a bit, chopping shit and grabbing other things, dumping everything into the pan. He checks the pot of water and – upon finding that it was boiling – places a bunch of noodles into it.

You watch the whole process in fascinated silence. It might sound kind of dumb, but you’ve never actually seen anyone cook in real life before. You’ve seen Mr. Egbert bake, but this seems so completely different. Baking always seemed so precise; cooking had more of a flow to it.

Karkat turns to look at you and opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again with a frown. He hesitates, then says something you’re pretty sure he hadn’t been about to say only seconds ago. “…Why are you looking at me like that?”

You blink, instinctively adjusting your shades. You hadn’t even realized you’d been pretty much staring at him in silence for the past few minutes. You guess you get why it might seem a bit weird. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He puts his hand on his hip and gives you a look that lets you know he isn’t buying that for a second. You’re not surprized; that was weak even for you. “Right. Sure you weren’t.”

He rolls his eyes and keeps looking at you. You know he’s waiting for the actual answer.

You sigh. “It’s dumb. I just…I’ve never actually seen anyone cook before.”

He furrows his eyebrows, looking confused. “You haven’t? What about your parents?”

You feel your stomach twist, and suddenly you’re a lot less hungry. “Don’t know ‘em. I live with my bro.”

“And you’ve never seen him cook before?”

“Nah. He usually brings home fast food, or we go out to eat.” We, meaning you. He’s never there.

Karkat looks concerned, but doesn’t say anything, simply turning away and returning his attention to cooking. You’re grateful; you don’t know what you would have said if he’d kept asking about Bro. After a moment, he speaks again, back still turned to you.

“So then…you’ve never had a home-cooked meal before?”

“Not really. It’s fine.”

He’s silent, finishing what he’d been doing and grabbing two plates. He hands one to you, not looking at you. “…Have as much as you want.”

You take the plate and he moves away, dishing out some food for himself and moving to give you access to what’s left. You hesitate, then move to the stove, putting some of the remaining food into your own plate, then putting this weird powdered cheese on it, as you’d seen Karkat do. The two of you eat together in front of the TV. Neither of you really talk, and you’re not really paying attention to whatever’s playing either. You’re just focused on the food in front of you.

You can honestly say it’s the best meal you’ve ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XShuonL1RFs&list=PLI586BrOk9MPywfum5aUZNPyF6jhCv--3&index=29) is lies. Hope you liked the chapter! Comments always help a ton!


	9. Pajamas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two red eyes stare judgmentally at you. They’re attacking you, calling them the same things they do every time you see them: freak, mistake, monster. There’s something wrong with you; you know that, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't normally put notes up here, but I feel the need to put a quick trigger warning here for brief mentions of self loathing and internalized homophobia. Sorry about that.

You’re not sure how much time passes with the two of you just sitting there in front of the TV. After you finish eating you remain there, joking around and teasing each other as you always do. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this comfortable alone with anyone, especially in such an unfamiliar place. Not even John. The first time you’d gone to his house, you’d been on edge the entire time.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you think you like it here.

You only notice how late it is when Karkat yawns, prompting you to check the time. It’s almost two in the morning. You frown. “Dude, shouldn’t your folks be home by now?”

He shrugs “My dad works late sometimes.” He says it so plainly that you know he’s not lying. He can never hide things from you.

He gets up and grabs his plate from where he’d set it down. You follow suit, drawing his gaze over to you. “You tired?”

You shrug. “I’m not exhausted, but I could sleep.”

He nods and heads into the kitchen. You trail behind him, and put your plate in the sink when he does the same. He speaks to you over his shoulder as he washes up. “If you want to take a shower, my bathroom's the door on the left in my room. I don’t think I have clothes that’ll fit you, but if you want something to sleep in I can grab something from my dad’s room.”

You nod. “Yeah, that works. Thanks.” He doesn’t respond, turning his attention back to the dishes.

You take that as a cue to leave. You head back to Karkat’s room and open the left door on the opposite side of the room and, sure enough, are greeted by a bathroom. You fumble in the dark for a few moments before finding the light switch. You make sure to close and lock the door before moving in front of the mirror and pulling off your shades. You have to blink a few times to adjust to the sudden brightness, and then you can see yourself.

Two red eyes stare judgmentally at you. They’re attacking you, calling them the same things they do every time you see them: freak, mistake, monster. There’s something wrong with you; you know that, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept.

You scowl at your reflection, and recoil when it scowls back at you. Finally, you tear your gaze away from the mirror, stripping and getting into the shower. You’re not really thinking about anything as the water runs over you, just staring off at nothing in particular. You don’t really move for a few moments, but you soon snap out of it and get to work cleaning yourself up, humming Two Feet's Go F*ck Yourself as you do. You glance around the shower as you do; you’re not surprised to see that Karkat’s shampoo is cherry scented. That would explain what you smelled on him earlier.

You’d just turned off the water to hop out of the shower when someone knocks on the door. Karkat’s voice is loud enough that you can hear him pretty clearly through the wood. “I grabbed you a change of clothes from my dad’s stuff.”

“Alright. Thanks.”

He’s quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Um…what do you want me to…y’know…do with them?”

“Oh.” Right. You kind of had to get them from him before you got out of here. But you also had to open the door to get them from him. Shit. “Uh, give me a sec.” You glance around the room, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around your waist. You also grab your shades and quickly shove them onto your face. “Okay, I’m opening the door.”

You do just that, and are greeted by Karkat holding a change of clothes out to you and looking pointedly away. You grab the clothes from him and, unable to resist the temptation, ruffle his hair before hurriedly closing the door. You can still clearly hear his indignant “Hey!” through it.

Chuckling to yourself, you quickly dry off and pull on the clothes you’d been handed, finding yourself now dressed in plaid pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. The clothes are a bit too big for you, but it’s not too bad. You double and triple check to ensure your shades are in place, then leave the warmth of the bathroom, returning to Karkat’s room instead.

The boy in question is sitting in his bed, fiddling with a pile of clothes in his lap. He only looks up when you sit next to him.

He stands. “Took you long enough.” You make a face at him, and he rolls his eyes in response, moving to the bathroom you had just emerged from.

You watch him until he closes the door, then you flop back onto his bed, staring vaguely up at the ceiling. Are you going to share a room with him? Because you can’t sleep in your shades, and you’re sure as fuck not taking them off in front of him.

You’re still thinking about a solution for this problem when Karkat re-joins you in his room. He’s wearing sweatpants and a black t-shirt with a little crab on it. It occurs to you that this in the first time you’ve ever really _seen_ him; at school, he always wears baggy jeans and clunky sweaters and huge hoodies. They always make him look like a big ball of fluff. Without that, though, you can see that he’s just the opposite. He’s got slender arms and small hands with delicate looking fingers. His shoulders are narrow, and he’s so tiny you’re tempted to pick him up and carry him everywhere for the rest of your life just because you can.

No homo though.

You get to your feet at the same time as he climbs into the bed. You stare at him and don’t respond when you catch him staring right back up at you. In fact, it isn’t until he snaps “Well?” that you even realize you’ve done anything wrong, and even _then_ , you don’t move.

“Well what?” you ask in response, ignoring the fluttery feeling you get watching him crawl under the covers and look up at you once more.

He rolls his eyes. “I thought you were going to sleep.”

“Yeah, I am. Just…where am I supposed to go?”

He stares at you like you just asked him what 2 + 2 was.

“…Right here.” He pats the other side of the bed.

And, of course, the words are leaving your mouth before you can do anything to stop them. “...But that’s gay.”

He stares at you silently. You fucked up, you know you fucked up, but you can’t make yourself say anything to fix what you just said. You just stare evenly back down at him.

“…What?”

And with that, you’re rambling. “No, you know, just, uh, I’m not gay or anything, right? But like, two dudes all cuddled up in one bed? Think about it; kinda gay. And I’m not into that shit, y’know? I like girls. Like, yeah, I have guy friends, but they’re just friends, not boyfriends. I’m just not into them that way, y’know? And I guess I’m flattered if you think I’m bed ready and shit like that, but I just don’t like you that way. And besides, I have a girlfriend. I’m a man of honour dude; I can’t snuggle up with you knowing that Terezi’s just like, hanging around all on her lonesome.”

You fall into an uneasy silence. Karkat squints up at you, looking confused, amused, and offended all at once. That only sets you off again.

“Oh, fuck, not to assume that _you’re_ gay. I mean, it’s perfectly fine if you are. Like, I may not be gay, but I can respect other people’s gayness, you know? So if you _are_ gay, that’s perfectly fine. I’m not like, of those, like holier-than-thou, if-you’re-gay-you’re-gonna-burn-in-hell, repent-while-you-still-can kind of guys. That’s just fucked up. But if you’re not gay, that’s fine too. I didn’t mean to assume that you were or some shit. Like, maybe you’re just looking for some platonic cuddling. Like, I bet you and the clown cuddle platonically all the fucking time, you just seem that close. Or maybe you cuddle romantically. Shit, okay, that’s not imagery I needed. Y’know, not that I’d gag or anything at seeing two dudes cuddling, that’s fine and all. Just as long as I’m not one of those two. I’m not really into platonic cuddles either dude. Sorry, maybe next time we could find you a nice body pillow or something. Then everyone wins; you get a cuddle buddy and I don’t have to compromise my values.”

He’s staring at you so hard, it’s a wonder that you don’t spontaneously combust there and then. After a moment, he just sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “…Dave, do you even know what you just said?”

You don’t even hesitate. “No clue.”

He sighs again, shaking his head. “First of all, no, I’m not gay.”

“Oh.”

“I’m pan.”

_“Oh.”_

“Second, I wasn’t proposing we ‘cuddle’, platonic or otherwise.”

“Right.”

“Dave, there’s plenty of space. You can sleep on one side, and I’ll sleep on the other. If you’re really that uncomfortable with the idea, we can even put a pillow wall or something between us.”

Now you kind of just feel like a jackass. You glance away sheepishly, lifting the sheets on the opposite side of the bed from where Karkat is laying and climbing in. “No, that’s fine. We can just sleep on two different sides of the bed like an unhappily married couple, all curled up with no physical boundaries, only emotional.”

Karkat gives you the evil eye, but doesn’t say anything, simply making himself comfortable on his side of the bed. You do the same on yours, leaving your shades in place for now.

Karkat looks at you in confusion. “Can you even see in those right now?”

“Barely.”

“Isn’t it uncomfortable to sleep in them?”

“Yup.”

“Are you going to take them off?”

“Mmhm.”

You make no move to remove them.

Karkat looks like he wants to say something about that, but instead simply sighs, clicking off the light and plunging the room into darkness. He curls up on his side with his back to you. It isn’t until you hear his breathing even out as he falls asleep that you close your eyes and pull off your shades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7K0pZ9tGi4) the song for this chapter. Again, sorry for the potentially triggering stuff, oops. There's also going to be more of that so. Yeah, sorry. You should still comment though.


	10. Big Spoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You lay there in silence for a few moments, not moving for fear of waking the boy in your arms. It has nothing to do with the fact that he fits perfectly against you, or that he’s so soft and warm, or that you feel safer in this moment than you have in a long time.

You’re positive that you’d fallen asleep as far from Karkat as his bed could allow, but when you wake up, your arms are wrapped around something warm and soft and small, your face is buried in something that tickles your nose and smells like cherries.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re absolutely spooning Karkat Vantas.

Your eyes blink open as this realisation dawns on you. Your arms are wrapped snugly around his waist, and your face is pressed into the surprisingly soft hair at the top of his head. He still seems to be asleep; you can feel his deep breaths and steady heartbeat through his back, pressed against your chest.

You lay there in silence for a few moments, not moving for fear of waking the boy in your arms. It has nothing to do with the fact that he fits perfectly against you, or that he’s so soft and warm, or that you feel safer in this moment than you have in a long time.

It is absolutely not any of those things, because none of them are true. Obviously.

You take a moment to try to figure out how to proceed. You somehow doubt Karkat would appreciate waking up with you holding him like this. And it isn’t like you want to be doing this anyway, no matter what that flutter in your heart was when you heard Karkat make that small sound and press back closer to you. At the same time, though, you really don’t want to risk waking the boy in your arms; he doesn’t get enough sleep as it is, so you definitely don’t want to be the reason he woke up this early on a Saturday morning.

Actually, is it still morning? What time is it? It’s probably morning, right? But you’d technically gone to sleep in the morning, so maybe it’s afternoon now after all. Damn, that would explain why you’re kinda hungry; lunchtime. Maybe you and Karkat could go grab some burgers or something before you went home. Damn, that actually sounded really nice. Just two bros hanging out over a couple of movies after a night of watching movies and cuddling.

Wait, shit, no, that didn’t sound nice at all, that sounded gay. Which you’re clearly not. You like girls.

It kind of freaks you out how often you’d been doing that lately. Having perfectly normal thoughts, which all ended up derailing into ponderings about your sexuality. Well, no, not ponderings exactly, because you always come back to the fact that there’s no way you could be gay. It’s more like…slip-ups? Maybe. Fuck, if Rose knew about this, she’d psychoanalyze the shit out of you.

Actually, maybe you _should_ shoot her a message about this. Though you’d never actually admit it out loud, even to an empty room, Rose was pretty good at her psychology stuff. Maybe she could help explain why your thoughts keep wondering to this particular topic. You make a mental note to pester her about it the first chance you get.

Karkat mumbles something and shifts, bringing you back to the situation at hand.

Right.

You chew your lip, moving one arm off of Karkat and leaning away. Almost immediately, he makes this little annoyed sound and stirs. You quickly (but gently) drape your arm back over him and tug him against your chest. He instantly settles back down.

You hate to admit it, but it’s kind of adorable how easily you can calm him down; how comfortable he is around you.

Wait, no, gay thoughts. Focus.

As much as it pains you, which it does, even if the thought makes you giddy, it seems like you can’t get away without waking him up. You’re just going to have to wait for him to wake up, and figure things out from there. Sighing with a mix of acceptance and comfort, you listen to the Tarro Remix of Blackbear’s Idfc in your head, pull Karkat a bit closer and close your eyes.

 

* * *

 

When you wake up again, you’re cold. You blink your eyes open and find that the other side of the bed’s empty. Karkat must have woken up before you and gotten up. You ignore the pang of loneliness that thought sends through you.

You blink again and sit up. A glance around the room confirms that he’s not in here. You sigh, swinging your legs out of the bed and getting to your feet. No point just laying around. You should go find Karkat. He’s walking you home, after all.

You stretch, rubbing your eyes and grabbing your shades before wondering out of the room. It doesn’t take long to find Karkat; he’s sitting in the kitchen, back to you, sipping something from a mug. Most likely coffee.

The temptation is too much. You simply cannot pass up the chance. You sneak up behind him as silently as you can (which, by the way, is completely fucking silent). You count to three in your mind, then grab his sides, shouting “Boo!” as you do.

His reaction is too much. Karkat actually _screams,_ dropping his mug – you were right, it was half filled with coffee – and jumps up from his seat, ready to bolt.

You’re so caught off guard that you let go instantly, eyes wide behind your shades. His eyes are wider, though, when he turns to face you, colour drained from his face. Shit, looks like you actually really scared him.

A wave of emotions flood across his face in a matter of seconds, and you watch them all in rapt intrigue. He went from fear, to shock, to confusion, to embarrassment. Finally, his face settled, as always, on anger. He glared at you, shoving you backwards. There isn’t too much force behind it; you easily stand your ground, eyes still glued to Karkat in fascination.

“You fucking _asshole!_ Fucking hell, you scared the shit out of me! What if I’d had a heart attack or something, huh Dave? Jesus fucking _Christ,_ you insensitive dickfucking writhing _dumbfuck!”_

It takes you a moment to come to your senses. You still can’t fathom how comfortable he is just letting all his emotions sit so plainly on his face.

You blink, then quickly grab his wrists, cradling them gently even as he struggles to pull away. “Karkat. Hey, look at me. _Kat.”_

He gradually stops struggling, looking up at you in confusion now. “…Did you just call me a cat?”

You snort, shaking your head. Of course that would be what caught his attention. “No, I called you _Kat_. With a ‘K’. Like your name. Kar- _Kat.”_

He stares at you like you’ve lost your mind. You actually laugh, making a silent note to use that nickname more often, because the face he’s making right now is just _priceless._ You tug him towards you, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. You’re surprised to find that he doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t even squirm. Does that mean he was alright with the spooning when he woke up this morning? You decide not to ask.

“Look, I’m sorry for scaring you. I thought it’d be funny; I didn’t expect you to freak out like that. I’ll clean up, okay? Sorry.”

He seems almost suspicious as he looks up at you, but finally sighs and nods. “Yeah, fine, I forgive you. Just…don’t do it again, okay?”

You nod, pulling away and moving to start cleaning up. You hear him shifting behind you, but he doesn’t leave the room. You’ve picked up the biggest chunks of the broken mug before he speaks again.

“…You hungry?”

You throw away what you have in your hands before glancing at him. “Yeah, actually. You planning on making breakfast?”

He shrugs. “I could, if you want, but it’s a bit late for breakfast in my opinion. I was thinking we could go out for burgers or something before I take you home.”

It’s kind of amazing how that had been pretty much exactly what you’d been thinking earlier. You don’t say that out loud, instead simply grabbing some paper towel and trying to clean up the rest of the mess. “Damn, that actually sounds pretty good. Burgers it is then.”

He nods and shifts slightly. “…Cool. I’ll, uh, leave you to finish up here while I go got dressed.” You nod in response and he hurries off.

You, inexplicably, find yourself smiling, and have to remind yourself that it’s not a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxE4ngu78Ro) for this chapter is right here. If you haven't listened to any of the other songs, you have to listen to this one and see if you notice anything interesting about the lyrics. They may or may not be foreshadowing for upcoming chapters ; ) Comments are appreciated, as always!


	11. Walking Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You clear your throat as you arrive at The Burger Place (it’s literally named The Burger Place, ironic fucking genius) and, like the gentleman you are, you hold the door open for Karkat. Chivalry is not dead.

You have to wear your clothes from yesterday, since you didn’t bring a change of clothes and you can’t just keep going around in Karkat’s dad’s clothes. Your hair’s a bit messier than usual too – again, you don’t have the products that you usually use to style it.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re quite possibly a hot mess right now.

You glance over at Karkat, who’s walking along silently beside you. He’s wearing a washed-out hoodie – you’re not sure if it used to be black or just a darker grey than the pale grey it currently was. His hair is just as messy as always, falling into his face and sticking up at weird angles. His hands are shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, disappearing into the ball of fluff that his too-big clothes make him look like. His eyes are fixed on his scuffed-up sneakers as he walks. After a moment, he glances up at you, and you quickly look away, grateful as always for your shades hiding just where your eyes had been fixed.

The two of you walk to the burger place in silence. It’s not uncomfortable or awkward or anything. Just comfortable silence.

You clear your throat as you arrive at The Burger Place (it’s literally _named_ The Burger Place, ironic fucking genius) and, like the gentleman you are, you hold the door open for Karkat. Chivalry is not dead.

He looks a bit surprised, then flashes you a quick smile that is absolutely not enough to get your heart beating a little faster. Nope, not at all.

He steps into the restaurant, and you quickly follow. The two of you scan the menu, order your shit, and find a booth near the back to slip into.

Again, there’s a moment of silence. Then Karkat speaks. “Uh…sorry about last night.” He isn’t looking at you; his gaze is fixed on the table you’re sitting at. He sounds nervous. Somehow, you already know he’s talking about the spooning thing. Still, you play dumb. After all, as far as he knows, you were still asleep when he woke up. Which is technically true.

“Last night? We watched movies and passed out, what’s there to be sorry about?” You’re careful to keep your voice as flat as possible.

He shifts slightly and glances almost anxiously up at you. “…The, um…” He trails off, seeming to be searching for the right words. “You…might have slept through it, but, uh…”

Again, he trails into silence. You raise a single eyebrow. “But? You’re starting to worry me here man. What is it?”

He chews his lip and looks away once more. Finally, he takes a breath and looks away again. You wait in silence for him to say what he needs to say.

“…I woke up last night. Couldn’t go back to sleep.”

And then you probably latched onto him. He was awake that entire time, wasn’t he? Fuck.

“I kinda…okay, this is going to sound really creepy, but I was watching you for a little bit, and you seemed so warm and peaceful and…well. I kind of just…curled up with you? It was only supposed to be for a second, I swear, but I guess I passed back out…”

You don’t respond immediately. You’re kind of surprised he said anything at all; as far as he knows, he woke up and got out of there before you did. Theoretically, if he hadn’t said anything, you wouldn’t have known anything about the cuddle-fest.

He looks so guilty that you can’t leave him hanging for long. You can’t even bear letting him think that everything that happened is on him.

You shrug, trying to look as calm as always, though his clear nervousness has you starting to feel a bit flustered. “Dude, chill. It’s fine. I mean, it’s not like you’re the only creep; you might have started the snuggles, but I’m pretty sure I’m the one who initiated the spooning.”

His eyes are wide and cheeks tinted red when he looks to you. You take a mental snapshot; he’s absolutely adorable, all flustered like this. “You…you were awake for that?”

Again, you shrug. “Woke up kinda early with you in my arms. Could have let go, I guess, but as it turns out, you’re, like, the perfect body pillow, so.” You choose to leave out the fact that you’d tried to let go and he’d immediately started whining. You don’t think that he’d appreciate that knowledge very much.

His gaze doesn’t leave you, but his face turns redder, and his eyebrows furrow, and you’re not sure if what you said helped or made it worse. He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, your number is called from the front counter, and you mumble an excuse before getting up from the table and hurrying over to the counter to collect your meals.

By the time that you get back, Karkat seems to have changed his mind about whatever he was going to say. He grabs his tray and pulls it towards himself, grabbing and unwrapping his cheeseburger. “Fucking finally; I’m _starving.”_

You stop staring and grab your own burger, unwrapping it and taking a bite before speaking. “I know, right? I mean, fuck cows and horses; I’m so hungry I could eat a whole elephant if it wasn’t probably illegal.”

Karkat makes a face. “Ew, Dave, stop talking. Don’t talk with food in your mouth; it’s gross and bad fucking manners.”

“Yeah, well, so is swearing in a public restaurant. There are kids in here, man.”

He makes a face and you roll your eyes, before the two of you lapse into silence while focusing on your respective meals. This time, it’s admittedly a bit awkward. You finish first, and sit in silence while you wait for him to do the same. A few, minutes later, the two of you are walking out of The Burger Place, still uncomfortably quiet.

You’ve always hated silence. It makes you nervous; makes you feel like Bro is hiding around some corner somewhere, ready for a surprise strife. That’s part of the reason that you’re always rambling; at least that way, you don’t have to deal with silence.

There’s nothing to say now, though. Even your hyperactive brain can’t find a conversation topic that might break this tension. After a moment, you fish your phone out of your pocket, plug in your earbuds, and scroll through your extensive music library. When you catch Karkat glancing at you, you stick one of the earbuds in your ear and offer him the other one. He blinks, then accepts it with a tiny smile and sticks it in his ear. The smile is enough to have you hand him your phone so he can choose the songs you listen to.

By the time you reach somewhere you recognise, you two are awkwardly nodding along to Robin Pace’s Move Remix and laughing at how ridiculous you both look. You slow to a stop, forcing Karkat to do the same or risk losing the earbud. He looks up at you in confusion. You avoid his gaze behind your shades and glance around instead.

“I, uh…I think I can make my way home on my own from here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

You don’t want to split up yet. Judging from the poorly-concealed look of disappointment on Karkat’s face, he doesn’t either. You hesitate.

“…You could come the rest of the way, if you want? I know where you live now, so I guess it’d be fair for you to know where I live too.”

He blinks, then quickly nods, like he’s worried you’ll change your mind if he doesn’t respond in time. It’s not endearing at all.

“Cool, uh, it’s this way.” You set off towards your house, and he doesn’t hesitate to follow. It’s not awkwardly silent this time; the two of you joke around easily and tease each other as you usually do. It’s nice.

Too soon, you’re standing outside of your apartment.

You rock on your heels digging through your pocket and grabbing your keys. Karkat just stands and watches uncertainly, holding your long-forgotten phone.

“…So,” you say. “This is it.”

He nods, handing your phone back to you. “Guess it is.”

“…Last night was fun. And this morning.”

“Yeah? I thought so too.”

“We should do this more often. We could have, like, sleepovers every weekend and gossip about the other girls in our class. We will absolutely gush about how cute Sophie is with Brad from the football team.”

Karkat laughs and shakes his head. You smile a bit in spite of yourself; you have to admit, you’re starting to really like that sound.

“I dunno, I think Brad kinda seems like a jerk. Sophie can do way better….yeah. We should definitely do this again.”

“Cool.” You flash him a quick smile before unlocking the door. “I’ll, uh…I’ll see you on Monday, then.” You look back at him.

“Absolutely. See you on…” He trails off, looking at something behind you. Frowning, you turn to see what it is that’s stolen his attention.

The door is open.

Bro’s home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro, oh no! Right? Maybe. Hm.
> 
> [Here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWhhA8RKNe8) the song in this chapter, btw. Leave a comment to let me know what you think of this fic! It's always super appreciated.


	12. It's Not True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You sit at your computer with a sigh. Honestly, right now you want nothing more than to lie down for a bit and relax, but unfortunately, you have priorities. It’s time to pester Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* Internalized homophobia. Also, Bro Strider.

You stare in horror at your brother, though you’re careful to make sure the emotion doesn’t show on your face. You swallow, composing yourself and pushing your shades right up to the bridge of your nose.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you have to get Karkat out of here.

“Who’s the kid?”

You’re dragged away from your thoughts at your brother’s question. You’re silent for a moment before taking a half-step in front of Karkat. “This is my friend Karkat. I spent the night at his place, so he walked me home.” Your tone is carefully calm and flat, and you’re really hoping your brother got the message you were trying to send: _Leave Him Alone._

Bro doesn’t respond. You can’t see his eyes behind his stupid pointy anime shades – you _still_ can’t believe you used to think those were cool – but you know he’s sizing Karkat up. You hope that he comes to the conclusion that there’s nothing to see, but it’s kind of hard to tell when it comes to your brother.

Karkat’s smart enough – or has spent enough time around you – to know that Bro’s looking at him. He doesn’t seem to like it. He shifts uncomfortably and makes a point of not looking Bro in the face. “Uh, sorry for not having Dave call you to say he was staying over, Mr. Strider. I guess it slipped my mind…”

Hearing bro being called ‘Mr. Strider’ feels wrong somehow. Like he’s supposed to be a dad. Or even just a responsible adult.

Bro doesn’t respond for a few minutes, just silently staring at Karkat. After what feels like – and definitely is – way too long, he snorts and turns away, retreating further into the apartment.You sigh in relief. “Just call me Bro. No one calls me ‘Mr. Strider’. Too fuckin’ hoity-toity for my likin’.”

You step inside and kick off your shoes. Karkat’s still standing in the doorway like he has no clue what to do now. You’re just about to suggest that he heads home when your brother cuts you off.

“Well? You planin’ on standin’ there all day, kid? C’mon, get in here.”

No.

You look at Karkat, who’s staring back at you questioningly, like he’s asking what he should do. You shake your head. He nods: message received.

“…Thanks for the offer, but I didn’t tell my dad I was going out, and I don’t have my phone with me to call him. I’ve got to get home before he starts freaking out.”

Bro frowns slightly, turning back to face Karkat. “Borrow Dave’s phone. Or you could use the house phone or somethin’. Jeez kid, it ain’t exactly rocket science.”

Karkat seems to get increasingly less comfortable as the conversation drags on. “But…I have homework to do. Really, thanks for the offer, but I can’t stay.”

“You ’n Dave are classmates, ain’t ya? Do your homework together. Faster that way.”

“I did my homework already.” Your voice is flat as you stare at your brother. He evenly meets your gaze, and even through two pairs of shades, you can feel his stare. You shudder.

Finally, he looks away. “Whatever, suit yourself. See ya around, kid.”

“…Yeah.” Karkat gives you an uncertain look. When you nod, he flashes you a quick smile, then turns and retreats.

You wait until he’s out of sight down the hall before you lock the door and turn back to Bro. He’s looking at you again. You stare right back.

“…Your friend’s cute,” he finally says.

You swallow around a lump in your throat. “He’s sixteen.”

He shrugs, turning away and heading towards his room. “Just sayin’. I wasn’t plannin’ on doing anythin’, Jesus.”

“It’s hard to tell with you sometimes.”

He pauses, glancing over his shoulder at you. He lowers his shades to fix you with a hard glare. His orange eyes – so painfully similar to your red ones – pierce right through you. Finally, he pushes the shades back up and leaves the room.

You exhale slowly – you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding your breath. You take a moment to roll your neck and relax before heading to your own room. You don’t like hanging around in the living room for too long.

You sit at your computer with a sigh. Honestly, right now you want nothing more than to lie down for a bit and relax, but unfortunately, you have priorities. It’s time to pester Rose.

You pull up pesterchum on your computer and scan through your contacts. It looks like she’s online. You click on her chumhandle.

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:10 –-**

**TG: yo lalonde long time no chat**  
TG: time for that kickass family reunion  
TG: not the whole family obviously  
TG: just the twins  
TG: well not both sets of twins since dirk and roxy are doing school stuff probably  
TG: well no dirks probably doing school stuff roxys probably sleeping  
TG: the point is at least the younger twins are here  
TG: the cooler ones  
TG: well the coolest one and the one whos ignoring him  
TG: dstri to rolal come in rolal  
TG: nothing???  
TG: arent we supposed to have twin telepathy or something how do you not know that im trying to message you right now  
TG: rose come on i know youre online  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: come on i could do this all day dont think i wont  
TG: rose  
**TT: Why am I even surprised?**  
TT: I was away from the computer, Dave; I’m terribly sorry if that inconvenienced you.  
TG: i forgive you  
TT: How thoughtful.  
TG: i know im great  
TG: listen  
TT: Yes, I’m listening.  
TG: you know how much i love our witty banter  
TT: I’m quite fond of it myself.  
TG: lalonde no words now i need to speak before i can think better of it  
TT: My apologies.  
TG: this is strike two rose we cant afford any more than that  
TG: you know what happens at three strikes rose we don’t want three  
TG: anyway as i was saying  
TG: i wanted your opinion on something  
TT: What’s this? The great Dave Strider wants advice from naïve little me? Why, I’m flattered.  
TG: im already regretting this and i havent even asked anything yet jesus christ  
TT: Just get on with it already Dave. This conversation is going to go downhill no matter what you do, so you may as well just do this and get it over with.  
TG: gee thanks rose that definitely made me want to have this conversation with you just that much more  
TT: You’re welcome.  
TG: seriously stop talking or im going to change my mind  
TG: anyway  
TG: as i was saying before you so rudely interrupted  
TG: lets say  
TG: theoretically  
TG: that I have this  
TG: friend  
TG: this straight male friend  
TT: Dave, I already know that this story is going towards the fact that you like boys.  
TG: god fucking dammit lalonde this is why we cant have nice things  
TG: that was your third fucking strike  
TG: you know what happens on the third motherfucking strike  
TT: What happens on the third motherfucking strike, Dave?  
TG: not a god damn thing  
TG: now shut the fuck up and let me talk  
TG: anyway  
TG: i have this straight male friend  
TG: who is not me thank you very much  
TG: but he has this other guy friend who he thinks is kind of cool  
TG: and they hang out all the time and now theyre pretty much best friends and stuff but not exactly  
TG: so everything was all good and fine and dandy  
TG: but then like  
TG: completely out of nowhere  
TG: my friend started thinking of his friend as like  
TG: more than a friend  
TT: Dave, I really don’t want to hear the details of your homo-erotic fantasies.  
TG: god fucking dammit lalonde  
TG: theyre not erotic  
TG: homo or otherwise  
TG: i just think hes cute  
TG: and i like holding him  
TG: and i want to kiss him sometimes  
TG: with no strings attached because im not gay  
TT: You do realise that you just admitted to the fact that you’ve been talking about yourself this entire time.  
TT: Which leads me to assume that the ‘friend’ you’ve been talking about is Karkat, since I’ve been hearing about him non-stop.  
TG: jesus fucking christ okay fine  
TG: youve got me  
TG: yes ive been talking about myself all along blah blah  
TT: I’m shocked.  
TG: im sure  
TG: look rose i dont have the energy for this today  
TG: just tell me it doesnt actually mean anything so i can get over it already  
TT: I’m afraid I can’t do that, Dave.  
TG: why the fuck not  
TT: Because it does mean something.  
TT: I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but in my honest opinion, it sounds like you have a crush on him.  
TT: And I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s okay to be gay.  
TG: im not fucking gay okay  
TG: i have a girlfriend i like girls i cant be gay  
TT: Bisexual, then.  
TT: Or pansexual.  
TT: It doesn’t matter. All are valid, and it doesn’t make you any different.  
TT: There’s nothing wrong with you.  
TG: rose no you dont understand  
TG: boys dont like boys  
TG: its not right  
TT: What about Karkat?  
TG: what about him  
TT: Is he straight?  
TG: hes pan  
TT: And would you say that he’s a freak because of that?  
TG: no  
TG: of course not  
TT: Then why is it a problem if you like boys?  
TG: because rose  
TG: its different  
TG: im not supposed to be like that  
TG: im not supposed to like boys  
TG: im not  
TG: its not right  
TT: Oh Dave…  
TT: Listen. I know this might be hard for you to understand, but if you like boys, that’s okay.  
TT: There’s nothing wrong with it.  
TT: There’s nothing wrong with you.  
TT: You just have to learn to accept that, and it’ll all be okay.  
TG: this was a bad decision  
TG: i should go  
TT: Dave, wait.  
TG: no rose  
TG: im serious  
TG: i have shit to think about  
TT: …I understand.  
TT: Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?  
TG: yeah  
TG: ill pester you later

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 15:24 –-**

 

You sit at your computer, staring numbly at the screen in front of you. All you know as the bass of Fabian Mazur’s Sun Goes Down pulses through your skull is that you do _not_

you can _not_

have a crush on Karkat Vantas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqrZSrR75lQ)  
>  (If you want to get how Dave felt, put in headphones and turn the volume all the fucking way up. It's not pleasant)  
> Formatting pesterlogs it a bitch.  
> Pity my son.  
> Comment.


	13. His Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dave? Are you okay?” It’s Karkat’s voice. You don’t look at him. You can’t.

You don’t leave your bedroom for the rest of the weekend, except to use the bathroom. You don’t eat. You can hear your brother moving around in the living room, and it doesn’t exactly motivate you to go out there. You spend every waking moment thinking about that conversation with Rose, and find the same words echoing in your head, over and over and over again.

Your name’s Dave Strider, and you’re not gay.

You can’t be.

By the time Monday rolls around, you’ve spent so much time worrying about all this that you feel physically sick. You consider just staying home, but the thought of staying locked up much longer makes your skin crawl. Besides, you can’t handle all this _plus_ the anxiety of knowing your brother could start a strife at any given moment.

You force yourself to roll out of bed and take a shower. Your movements are slow and half-hearted, and even after skipping breakfast, you get to school almost an hour late.

You don’t have English in the morning, thankfully. That means you have another two hours to feel sorry for yourself and try to cement in your mind that no, you don’t like Karkat like that, you don’t, that’s gay, you’re not gay.

But finally, inevitably, lunch rolls around, and you can’t hide anymore.

You shuffle to the cafeteria as slowly as you can, trying to delay seeing him. You just need more time, and then you can do it. You know you can. You just have to prepare yourself.

But then you see him, and you know you were wrong.

He’s sitting at his usual table, right near the end. Gamzee’s on one side of him, arm slung lazily around his shoulder, as always. He still looks a bit grumpy, as he always does, but you can see the faintest trace of a smile on his lips, and when Gamzee leans down to whisper something to him, he pushes the taller boy away with a laugh.

Your heart clenches, and you’re not gay, you’re not, but you’ve never seen him this happy, and why is your stomach doing flip-flops like this, why does he do this to you, you’re not gay, you’re not, you’re not, you’re _not-_

And then he sees you.

And he smiles.

Even from the opposite side of the room – when had you stopped walking? – you can feel his eyes on you. You swallow and silently try to tell yourself that it’s not you, he’s looking at someone else, anyone else, he’s smiling at some stupid joke one of them just told, he’s not smiling at you like that, why the fuck would he smile at you like that, but you can’t deny it anymore when he waves you over. He pats the empty space next to him on the bench.

He saved a space for you.

You feel sick.

You swallow around a lump in your throat and start forward on shaky legs. He must notice that something’s wrong, because his smile fades and he instantly gets to his feet, eyebrows drawing together in concern.

You can’t do this.

At the last second, you turn, going to sit at your old table with Jade and a pair of kids you don’t really know. Probably some of her other friends. Why hadn’t she ever introduced you to them? When was the last time you’d hung out with Jade, one on one? Were you that shitty of a friend? Were you really spending that much time with Karkat?

Fuck. You shouldn’t have thought about that. Now you’re looking at him, and if that face he’s making isn’t the embodiment of hurt, you don’t know what is.

You tear your gaze away and sit with your back to his table. Jade shoots you a confused look, but you just shake your head and she lets it drop, going back to whatever conversation she’d been having before you’d joined her. You know she won’t make you talk about it until you’re ready. She’s a good friend, you think. Better than you. Everyone’s better than you.

You don’t deserve her.

And then Karkat and Terezi are sitting in front of you, and you can’t think anymore.

Oh god, Terezi. You hadn’t even thought about how this would affect her. God, you’re the worst boyfriend, you’re the worst, you’re the worst, but no, you’re not, because there’s nothing going on, there’s nothing that can affect her, there’s nothing, you’re not gay, you’re not…

“Dave? Are you okay?” It’s Karkat’s voice. You don’t look at him. You can’t.

You offer a small nod. You don’t need him worrying about you. Not when it’s his fault. All his fault that you feel like this. His fault you’re this confused.

His fault.

He was still speaking, but you’re not responding. You can’t even hear him. He says something else, and when you don’t reply, he puts a hand on top of yours.

Your head snaps up and you jerk your hand away like you’d been burned. He looks surprised, staring at you with wide eyes, like you’re an injured animal that had just snapped at him. That’s what you feel like, too.

“…Dave?” He sounds so uncertain. You look away again.

“…What do you want?”

Karkat’s silent for a moment. You can tell that he didn’t expect that; he’s staring at you with this dumbfounded look on his face.

When he seems to be unable to reply, Terezi jumps in instead, breaking through the tense silence. “You’re not acting like yourself, cool kid. C’mon, tell your good buds Jade and Karkat – _and_ your date-mate, me – what’s bugging you.”

You don’t reply immediately, but when you do, you have to fight to keep the bitterness out of your voice. Even then, you’re pretty sure it’s a losing battle. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired.”

You’re not sure if either of them believe you, but they let the topic drop. They don’t move for the rest of the lunch session, though, and you can feel Karkat’s eyes fixed on you. You don’t end up eating anything; you feel too sick to do so.

As soon as the bell rings to signal the end of lunch, you high-tail it out of there. You have English next, and you’re hoping that you can get there before Karkat stops you. No such luck; you hear heavy footsteps behind you, and then he’s grabbing your arm. You jerk it away from him roughly. He’s unphased.

“Dave, what is it?” When you don’t respond, he pushes his way in front of you and blocks your path. His jaw is set stubbornly, and his eyes burn as they stare up at you. “Did something happen after I left on Saturday? Did your brother say something?”

You recoil, glowering at him. You’re angry, even though you know you have no right to be. He hasn’t done anything, really, other than be himself. You don’t know why that makes you so mad, but it does.

“He didn’t do _anything._ He has nothing to do with this, so don’t try to twist the blame.”

“Twist the…Dave, what the _fuck_ are you talking about?!”

You don’t answer, pushing past him and storming to your classroom. He follows shortly behind you, but doesn’t say anything else to you. Hopefully, he’s gotten the message that you really can’t talk to him today.

He glances back at you from time to time throughout the class, but when it’s over, he leaves the room without a word. Good; if he’s not talking to you, it’ll make it easier to be mad at him. You won’t have to feel as bad about it.

You pass him in the halls a few times throughout the day, but neither of you speak to each other, or even really look at each other. You don’t go to his locker to make plans after school, and he doesn’t wait for you outside to chat before heading home.

But that’s good. It’s better this way. This is what you’d wanted.

Later, when you’re listening to Over by HONORS and trying to do your dumb chemistry homework, your phone pings, alerting you to a new message on pesterchum. You lean back in your seat with a sigh and pick up your phone, opening pesterchum and staring at the messages on your screen.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 18:17 –**

**CG: HEY.**  
CG: ARE WE OKAY?  
CG: ...  
CG: WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

 

You stare at the screen, reading the message over and over and over again, trying to ignore the pain in your gut and the stinging in your eyes that it seems to be causing. Finally, you suck in a breath and type a single command into your phone, your heart beating harder against your chest with each character you type.

 

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 18:23 –-**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha, I need to stop. Comment if you agree.
> 
> [Here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkaR7F6dzl4) the song, btw.


	14. How Could You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At first, when you started limiting your time around Karkat, you started hanging out with Terezi more. But she would try to psychoanalyse you in a way uncomfortably similar to Rose, though maybe not quite as accurate or pushy. What really made it unbearable, though, was when she started dropping hints about how much all of this is getting to Karkat. As if you couldn’t already tell. He’s been so out of it lately, and you can tell that the bags under his eyes have been getting darker and darker since all this started over three weeks ago. Sometimes, he comes to school with bloodshot eyes. Terezi said he called her up in tears at two in the morning earlier this week asking her to find out what he did wrong.
> 
> You stop hanging out with her after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for homophobia, slurs and self loathing.
> 
> I am so, so sorry.

You don’t know how long you can keep this up. Being around Karkat makes you feel sick, but avoiding him makes you even sicker.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re pretty sure you’re going to puke before the end of the week.

You feel awful about it, but you’ve been avoiding Karkat as much as possible. You have to; every time you’re around him, you wind up getting pissy and yelling at him over some absurd bullshit. He always ends up yelling back, and eventually, one of you will get frustrated and leave. It’s usually you.

At first, when you started limiting your time around Karkat, you started hanging out with Terezi more. But she would try to psychoanalyse you in a way uncomfortably similar to Rose, though maybe not quite as accurate or pushy. What really made it unbearable, though, was when she started dropping hints about how much all of this is getting to Karkat. As if you couldn’t already tell. He’s been so out of it lately, and you can tell that the bags under his eyes have been getting darker and darker since all this started over three weeks ago. Sometimes, he comes to school with bloodshot eyes. Terezi said he called her up in tears at two in the morning earlier this week asking her to find out what he did wrong.

You stop hanging out with her after that.

You go back to hanging out with Jade. You feel kind of bad about it, like you’re using her – you know she won’t force you to talk about it if you’re not comfortable with it. She even starts spending less time with her other friends so she can hang out with you like nothing had changed.

Seeing her sacrificing so much for you only makes you feel even worse. You stop hanging out with her too.

You’ve secluded yourself at school. You figure Rose guessed as much, because she’s started pestering you on a daily basis, presumably trying to make sure you’re okay and reminding you that ‘there’s nothing wrong with you’. You can’t know for sure, though; you’ve stopped reading her messages.

John gets involved at some point too, though you don’t know it when he first messages you – you assume Rose or Jade messaged him about the situation. You hope it was Jade; at least she doesn’t know too much about all this.

You pause the song you’d been listening to – Black Hole by Munchie Squad – when your phone dings to alert you of his message.

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:17 –-**

****EB: dave, hey!  
EB: what’s up, we haven’t talked in way too long! ****  
TG: we talked like last week dude  
EB: exactly!!!  
EB: seriously, what have you been up to in the last, long weeks?  
TG: nothing actually  
EB: nothing?  
TG: nope  
EB: no sick fires?  
TG: the fires have been extinguished lately  
EB: no cool pics?  
TG: man i don’t even remember when the last time i took a good picture was much less actually develop it  
EB: no dead stuff?  
TG: woah hey lets not get crazy here  
TG: theres always dead stuff in the casa del strider  
EB: figures.  
EB: so, how are thing going with terezi?  
TG: i don’t know man things have been kinda weird for me lately  
EB: aw man, sorry to hear that dude. :(  
TG: its whatever  
EB: you sure?  
TG: yeah its fine  
EB: if you say so...  
EB: so, how’s karkat?  
TG: how should I know  
EB: what?  
EB: dude, you’ve been talking about him pretty much exclusively for like, two whole months.  
EB: i’m actually surprised you weren’t the one to bring him up first.  
TG: hes fine i guess  
TG: i honestly really dont know  
EB: ...did something happen?  
TG: no  
EB: you know you can talk to me about anything, dave.  
EB: i mean, look how long we’re been friends!  
EB: look how much we’ve talked about!  
TG: john man i get what youre trying to do but im really not in the mood so just drop it  
EB: if you’re sure...  
EB: i just want to help you, dave.  
TG: you talked to rose didnt you  
TG: or jade  
TG: man i told them i didnt want to talk about it  
EB: they’re just worried about you!  
EB: i am too.  
TG: this is the last fucking time im going to say it  
TG: i dont want to talk about it  
TG: so butt the fuck out  
EB: dave, wait!

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 22:04 –-**

Great. Now you can’t talk to John either. You were already isolated at school, and now you can’t even go home and talk to your friends without them going on about talking about your feelings. Which even you don’t understand right now. It’s all just a bunch of mumbo jumbo bullshit. One night, after a heated argument with Bro that you were half-hoping would escalate into a strife but didn’t, you find yourself thinking that nothing could possibly make this situation worse than it is now.

You discover the next day that you were wrong.

You and Karkat had been avoiding each other so much that you hadn’t even really considered that that would change. But today, he sits in front of you at lunch, frowning and determined. You can already tell he won’t leave just because you tell him to. You can also tell that this won’t end well for either of you. You can already feel a lump forming in your throat. It makes it painfully hard to talk to him. Not that it wasn’t already.

“…Mind telling me what the fuck you want, Vantas?”

You see a flash of hurt in his eyes; good. You want him to hurt the same way you do. That’s pride you’re feeling, even if it feels more like guilt right now.

He shifts, but refuses to leave. He isn’t giving up that easily. “I want you to stop avoiding me.  I want you to _talk_ to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

You refuse to meet his eyes behind your shades, instead staring intensely down at your barely touched tray of cafeteria food. You’ve suddenly lost your appetite. “…Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”

He narrows his eyes, clearly not buying it. “You were one of my best friends, Dave. Now you can’t even look at me. What changed?”

You feel nauseous. You need to get rid of him. Now. “Maybe I got bored, ever consider that? Jesus, why do you have to be so clingy?”

He visibly recoils at that, the harsh downwards slant of his eyebrows softening as they furrow instead, and fuck, no, you don’t want to kiss him until he stops making that face, you want him to _hurt,_ you’re not gay!

He’s silent and unmoving for a few moments, fiddling with his sleeves and staring dejectedly down at the table. It isn’t until you hear him sniff that you fully look at him. He’s furiously blinking back tears.

Fuck. Fuck, you pushed too hard. You didn’t mean for this to happen. You didn’t mean to make him cry. You didn’t want this.

By the time he looks at you, he seems to have the tears under control, but only barely. “…Tell me what I did wrong.” His voice trembles just slightly, and he puts his hand gently on yours.

You act on instinct; you jerk your hand violently away and glower at him. “ _Don’t._ You have to stop touching me like that. I’m not a fucking faggot, unlike you.”

You regret the words before they’re even done leaving your mouth.

He stares at you, wordless. You can see an impossible mix of emotions on his face; anger, horror, hurt, betrayal. The tears are in his eyes again, but this time, he can’t seem to control them.

He jumps to his feet before they can spill, glowering at you and drawing the attention of over half of the cafeteria. He looks like he wants to say something, but in the end, he just shakes his head and runs. You watch him go, silent, horrified.

_What have you done?_

You don’t even get a chance to go after him before his friends are reacting. Terezi and Sollux immediately take off after him, leaving Gamzee to deal with you.

He’s on you in a matter of seconds, grabbing you by the hair and lifting you from your seat. Your head throbs. He’s stronger than his string-bean frame would imply. His lazy smile is gone. He looks angrier than anything you’ve ever seen.

_“What the fuck did you say to him?!”_

Anyone who hadn’t been staring before definitely was now. Some people were starting to gather into a loose ring around you. You barely see them.

_“You motherfucker! What did you do?”_ Gamzee’s still yelling at you. It’s all you can manage to shake your head. You don’t know. You really don’t.

He doesn’t seem to like that answer. He growls and throws you down. You hit the ground and slide, not even trying to catch yourself. Ordinarily, the instincts from your fights with Bro would kick in, and you’d at least be able to hold your own. But not today. Today you just feel numb.

He snarls as he approaches you. He grabs you by the collar and yanks you to your feet. He’s just swinging back his fist to hit you – _yes, he should hit you, you’d deserve it, you made Karkat cry, you deserve to hurt. You do._

Just before he can throw his fist forward again, you hear Terezi’s shrill voice calling him.

_“Gamzee!_ Come on, Kar needs you!”

He freezes, regarding you, then seems to decide you’re not worth it. He snarls and shoves you before turning and hurrying off in the direction Karkat had vanished.

You stare after him and, only a beat later, follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtD8VpSWjdU)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I'm really sorry about this chapter, guys. I'm aiming to get the next one out by Tuesday so you don't have to worry about this for too long, though I'm a bit behind right now. I promise, after this chapter things will get better.
> 
> Sorry.


	15. At Least You Told Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s eerily silent in the school with everyone else in the cafeteria. You can hear your footsteps echoing through the halls and Gamzee grumbling angrily under his breath. You wonder absently if he’s going to beat you up after this. You wonder if you’ll even try to fight back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self loathing. Oops.

You feel numb as you follow Gamzee through the halls of the school. It occurs to you that this all might be pointless – Karkat might not even want to talk to you. It would serve you right. You wouldn’t want to talk to you either, after that.

Your name is Dave Strider and you may have just ruined everything.

It’s eerily silent in the school with everyone else in the cafeteria. You can hear your footsteps echoing through the halls and Gamzee grumbling angrily under his breath. You wonder absently if he’s going to beat you up after this. You wonder if you’ll even try to fight back.

You can see Terezi ahead of you, waiting impatiently outside the boys’ bathroom.

“He’s in there?” Gamzee seems to immediately forget about your presence, his entire being seeming to shift into concern.

Terezi nods. She looks more worried than you’ve ever seen her before. “Sollux is in there with him. He’s refusing to come out. Talk to him?”

Gamzee’s gone before she can even finish the request, disappearing through the bathroom door. You start to go after him, but Terezi stops you with a hand on your chest, shaking her head. You think this might be the first time you’ve ever seen her without her creepily sharp smile.

“Sorry, cool kid. I don’t think it’d be a very good idea for you to go in there right now.”

You nod, slowly, and take a half-step away from the bathroom door. You’ll let him have his space, but you really need to apologise. You went way too far.

You can feel the base of Horns by Bryce Fox thrumming through you with every breath. Terezi’s still looking at you. Or, ‘looking’. It occurs to you that part of her concern is directed towards you. How can she be worried about you when Karkat’s apparently gone and barricaded himself in the school bathroom?

“…What happened back there, Dave?”

Dave. Not ‘Strider’. Not ‘cool kid’. She’s serious.

“I…” You don’t know what to say. There’s no way to really explain what you just did. “I said some shit I shouldn’t have said. I lashed out. I fucked up. I…fuck, Terezi, what do I do? What if I seriously fucked him up?”

She’s quiet for a moment, regarding you. Her blank eyes usually creep you out, but now your too busy worrying to think about anything else. “…He’s…Kar’s a tough cookie. This won’t ‘break’ him or anything, but it’s hitting pretty hard right now.”

You swear under your breath, hitting your head against a nearby locker in frustration. You and Terezi are both silent for a few seconds, though they seem to drag on for an eternity. Finally, you speak. “I wouldn’t blame him, but…what if he hates me now…?”

Terezi rolls her empty eyes, but you can see the pity clear on her face. “He doesn’t _hate_ you, Dave. I seriously doubt Karkat could ever hate you.”

“How can you be so sure?” you half-whisper.

Terezi doesn’t answer for a while. In fact, she’s quiet for so long, you can only assume it’s because she doesn’t really have an answer. You’re just about to throw out a half-hearted ‘Exactly’ and wonder off to find some way to make it up to Karkat – if that’s even possible; if you were him, you’d never speak to yourself again – when she suddenly speaks up.

“Why don’t you try asking him yourself?” You look in her direction just in time to see her moving out of the way of the door.

You hesitate uncertainly. “What if I just make it worse…?”

Terezi shrugs unhelpfully. “The only way to know what will happen is to try it. Go on, Strider. Talk to him.”

You stare at her for a moment, then, bracing your nerves, you enter the bathroom.

You weren’t sure what you had expected to see when you went in there, but this wasn’t it.

Karkat seemed to have locked himself in one of the bathroom stalls. You can hear quiet sobbing coming from inside it. Gamzee and Sollux are standing outside of that stall. The former seems concerned, the latter exasperated. Gamzee’s in the middle of saying something. “…out, Karbro? We just want to make sure you’re all motherfucking right.”

“Just leave me the fuck alone for five goddamn minutes, Gamzee!” It’s Karkat’s voice. He sounds like he’s trying to be angry, but his voice is shaking and he sounds like his nose is stuffed. You feel sick. “I just need…who just came into the bathroom?”

Sollux and Gamzee seem to notice for the first time that you’ve entered the room. _Now_ Sollux seems concerned. “Uh…no one. It’th jutht…Dave.”

Gamzee growls, taking a step towards you. “You have no _moteherfucking_ right to be in here. No right to be _anywhere near him!”_

You don’t even flinch. There’s only one thing on your mind right now. “I just want to apologize.”

This only seems to make Gamzee even angrier. He stomps furiously towards you. “Don’t you worry, Karbro. I’ll take care of this motherfucker.”

Before you can find out in painful detail what he means by that, you hear the click of the stall door unlocking. Gamzee freezes. You both stare.

Karkat is peaking around the corner of the stall, looking worse than you’ve ever seen him. You can see that he must have wiped his eyes and nose while he was in there, since his face is free of fluids, but it’s still obvious that he’s been crying. His eyes and nose are bright red, and the former are swollen and still look watery. There are tear tracks smudged across his cheeks where he’d done a half-assed job of wiping tears away. There are dark spots on the hems of his sleeves, and you know now that the tears weren’t wiped away by tissue paper.

You did this to him.

You are definitely going to be sick.

“…I’ll yell if I need you, Gamzee,” he says, and you’ve never heard his voice this quiet before. It’s still trembling. “I want to talk to him alone for a second.”

Gamzee looks absolutely horrified. “What? But, Kar, he-“

Karkat only has to look at him, eyebrows furrowed, a pleading look on his face, and he relents. You wonder absently if you and Gamzee are in the same boat; you wonder if the clown likes him too.

Did you just consciously think about liking Karkat without getting mad or sick?

Your head is spinning.

Gamzee sighs, nodding. “Fine. I’ll go.” His gaze turns to you, and he smiles, but there’s no joy behind it. It’s terrifying. “But if you do _anything_ to hurt him…” He lets the threat hang in the air before leaving the bathroom. Sollux just looks back and forth between you and Karkat with a frown before shaking his head and following Gamzee out.

You and Karkat stare at each other for a moment, neither moving, neither talking. Then he suddenly furrows his eyebrows like he’s about to start crying again and disappears back into his stall. You hurry over, getting there before he can even close the door. He’s still trying to close it, but you’re stronger than him, and you pry it open with ease.

Karkat looks absolutely miserable. Tears are spilling from his eyes again, and he’s trying to wipe them away with one arm while trying to push you out of the stall with the other. It occurs to you that you want to hold him, but you don’t. Not right now – he wouldn’t want that. So you just stand your ground.

“Why are you in here, Dave? You made it pretty fucking clear what you think of me, so why?” He’s clearly choking back sobs as he accuses you. You don’t reply. You can’t; you have no voice. He keeps going. “You know the worst part? I honestly thought we were friends. You seemed so chill with everything, so comfortable with me, and then this? Out of the blue? What the fuck, Dave? Was this some sort of game to you? Well I hope you’re happy; here’s the grand prize. Congratu-fucking-lations. I hope it was all fucking worth it.”

He’s given up now, both on trying to get you out of the stall and trying to wipe away his tears. He’s staring up at you with these big, watery eyes, and it’s breaking your heart. All you can think is that you did this to him. It was never his fault. Always you, you, you.

His broken voice drags you from your thoughts. “You’re not even going to say anything? Fucking…I hate this. I hate your stupid stoic ‘cool kid’ act. How is that helping you right now? _Why the fuck are you here?”_

He doesn’t speak again. He’s waiting for an answer. You try to reply. Your mouth doesn’t even open.

You can’t do this.

You have to.

You try again. Your mouth opens this time, but there’s no sound. You snap your mouth shut.

Karkat looks at you hopelessly. After a moment, he shakes his head with a sigh. He wipes at his eyes one last time and pushes past you, leaving the bathroom stall. It’s now or never.

“I think I’m bi.”

Karkat freezes in his tracks. You watch as he stands, motionless, then turns to stare at you with wide eyes. You fidget with the hem of your shirt, looking down. It’s not like you, but hey, _none_ of this is like you.

You don’t have to look up to see Karkat approach you. He stands in front of you for a moment before wordlessly wrapping his arms around you. You allow yourself to hold him too. Neither of you speak.

And if a tear or two escaped your eyes, your shades kept them well hidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rN403hTOBFE) I recommend turning up the volume and trying to breathe in time with it.
> 
> Not exactly happy? But better, I hope. Comment to let me know what you think. And if you have any predictions or requests for future chapters, lemme know those too. I'm curious. See you friday with the regular update.


	16. Protective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not like things are suddenly perfect and you magically understand all of your feelings and never get upset anymore. But you and Karkat understand each other a bit better now, you think. Neither of you talks about what happened in the bathroom that day. You both tip-toe around the topic if it ever happens to come up, or brush it off as unimportant if one of your friends asks about it – you both know it wasn’t unimportant at all. Every now and then you’ll get frustrated about the whole situation and yell at him – never in front of people now, you don’t want to cause another scene. He always yells back. And eventually, the two of you wear yourselves out and calm down. You’re friends again. The arrangement works well for both of you, you think.
> 
> It doesn’t work that well for everyone.

It’s the last day of school before the winter break when Karkat approaches you, a clearly unhappy Gamzee in tow. You shut your locker and stare at them. To no one’s surprise, Karkat looks like he’s about to pass out – he’d been studying like crazy for the last few tests of the semester.

Your name is Dave Strider, and things between you and Karkat have, surprisingly, been pretty okay lately.

It’s not like things are suddenly perfect and you magically understand all of your feelings and never get upset anymore. But the two of you understand each other a bit better now, you think. Neither of you talks about what happened in the bathroom that day. You both tip-toe around the topic if it ever happens to come up, or brush it off as unimportant if one of your friends asks about it – you both know it wasn’t unimportant at all. Every now and then you’ll get frustrated about the whole situation and yell at him – never in front of people now, you don’t want to cause another scene. He always yells back. And eventually, the two of you wear yourselves out and calm down. You’re friends again. The arrangement works well for both of you, you think.

It doesn’t work that well for everyone.

Gamzee’s always been kind of clingy when it came to Karkat, but now he won’t let him out of his sight more than absolutely necessary, especially not when you’re around. You understand his lack of trust for you, though; you don’t grudge him for it. Still, it’s pretty nerve-wracking, the way he glares and glowers at you any time you happen to be in so much as the same room.

He’s glaring now, even as Karkat flashes you a weary smile. You choose to focus on the latter instead.

You speak before he even has the chance to greet you. “You look like shit. Go home already.”

Karkat shoots you an annoyed look, but you know he knows that what you really mean is _‘Hey, I know you have insomnia, but you’re not looking too hot and I’m worried about you. Please try to get some rest?’_

Still, he ignores your polite request, shaking his head and running a hand though his already-messy hair, making it stand up at weird angles; it’s unfairly adorable.

You’re slowly getting more comfortable accepting that you might kind of like Karkat, just a little bit. Rose has helped a lot with that, but you’ve still got a long way to go before you can accept it whole-heartedly, and even longer to go before you can move on. After all, there’s no way he’s ever going to feel the same, especially not after all that awful shit you said to him before. He may still keep you around as a friend, but you won’t delude yourself to even dream of hoping for anything more than that.

“Gee, thanks fuckmouth. You sure do have a way with words, don’t you?” His words are harsh, but there’s no malice behind them, and he has this gleam of honest thanks in his eyes. It kind of makes your heart do summersaults how comfortable he’s been around you lately.

Out loud, you just say, “Yeah, I know, I’ve been told many times that I’m a charmer. Now what can I do for you?”

He rolls his eyes so hard, you worry they might actually be thrown into a never-ending loop of spinning, (that doesn’t end up happening, in case you’re curious) but you can see the slight smile tugging at his mouth. “Honestly, you’re making me regret ever even bringing this up to you, but…” He glances pleadingly up at Gamzee, who just glowers furiously and storms away. You’re not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad one.

Karkat sighs, looking back to you. “Sorry about him. Anyway, what I was trying to say is that my family has this Christmas thing every year. It’s kind of dumb, but, uh…well, basically, we have some friends over for a few days before Christmas, and on the actual day we have the rest of our family come over and open presents and have dinner and basically celebrate the whole thing together. And I know it sounds stupid as fuck, and it is, kind of, but it’s also a lot of fun and there’s free food and…well. Uh, if you’re not doing anything, I thought maybe you could come this year?”

You stare at him in silence. Was he _really_ inviting you to spend Christmas with him? Was that actually this nerve-wracking for him? Why was that thought so ridiculously fucking sweet?

“Uh,” you say, very intelligently. Good job, Dave. Usually, you can’t stop talking, and now that all you need to say is ‘yes’, your words have abandoned you. Perfect.

Your response apparently just makes Karkat even more nervous than he had been before, because he starts rambling almost as badly as you do on a regular basis. “Okay, hang on, before you answer, I also invited Sollux, Terezi and Gamzee, plus a couple of girls you don’t know. And, uh, I know you never got to meet him, but my dad’s really chill and also really good at cooking, so Christmas dinner’s always amazing. And you can bring someone, if you want to. And you’ll get to meet my cousin William, and he’s precious and I promise you’ll love him. And if you’re worried about the cuddling thing happening again, we’re going to have air matrasses and sleeping bags and shit, so you don’t even have to be in the same bed as me or anything, and, um, it…it would mean a lot to me if you could make it…”

He trails off into a sheepish silence. You can vaguely hear Heaven’s Gate by Angerwolf from the headphones hanging forgotten around your neck. You’re both quiet for a few moments, during which Karkat’s face goes steadily redder and redder. It looks like he’s about to save himself the embarrassment and just leave when you finally speak up.

“…Yeah. Sure. I’ll come.”

He stares at you, seemingly stunned. “…Really? You will?”

You shrug, trying to play it cool, but you can feel yourself getting flustered under his prying gaze. “I mean, yeah, I’m not doing anything else. Bro doesn’t really believe in celebrating Christmas, and my other brother’s staying at school for the holiday. As long as you don’t mind me bringing my sister, it sounds pretty cool.”

He furrows his eyebrows, frowning slightly. “I mean, I have no problem with you bringing your sister, but…you think it sounds cool?”

You hesitate, remembering the amount of times he’d called it dumb. “I mean, I don’t know. It just sounds kinda fun to me. Like, the whole big family Christmas thing. Never done that before. So, uh…yeah.”

Again, you’re stunned by your own intellect.

Karkat seems to understand perfectly, though. Understanding spreads over his face, and he nods, a smile forcing his lips upwards; you can clearly see how hard he’s trying to hide it. “Right. Cool. Uh, you remember the way, right? Or do you want to meet up somewhere and I’ll walk you there?”

That actually sounds really tempting; not because you don’t think you could find your way. It’s just because it kind of reminds you of the only other time you’ve ever been to his house, when you’d walked there and back home together, chatting and listening to music. That had been so nice, and you’d love to do it again.

But if he’s going to have that many people over, it would probably be inconvenient for him to have to find your sorry ass and drag you all the way to his place.

“I think I can find it on my own, but if anything, I’ll call you for directions.”

He nods with a satisfied smile. “Yeah, sounds like a plan.” He goes silent, but it looks like he wants to say something else. Before he can, though, Gamzee returns, seemingly having decided that you two have been alone for long enough. Or, knowing what he seems to think of you, far too long. Either way, his presence seems to make Karkat think twice about whatever he was about to say, because he just ends up nodding again. “See you there, then.” He looks expectantly up at Gamzee. “Ready to go, Gam?”

Gamzee tears his eyes off of you for long enough to give Karkat one of his old, out of it smiles. “Nah, you go ahead, Kar-bro. I gotta do somethin real motherfucking quick. I’ll catch up in a bit.”

Karkat doesn’t look entirely certain that leaving him is a good idea, but slowly nods anyway, wandering off.

The second he’s out of sight, Gamzee’s on you. He grabs the collar of your shirt, yanking you towards him. It’s sloppy; you could easily pull away and break his fucking wrists if you wanted to. You almost do, but instead just let him. There’s no need to make yourself a bigger target, even if you could easily handle it. Besides, you don’t want Karkat to get mad about you hurting his best friend like that.

“I don’t know what your motherfucking game is, Strider, but you’d better stay the _motherfuck_ away from Karbro.” He hisses the words right into your face. You blink, stunned is he threatening you?

You finally do jerk away from him, but you refrain from breaking any body parts. “Hey, calm the fuck down. I’m not going to hurt him again, okay? I care about him too.”

This answer doesn’t seem to reassure Gamzee in the slightest. He snarls at you. “You’d better not. I’m watching you, Strider. If you do _anything_ that might hurt him, I’ll motherfucking _kill you.”_

He turns and storms off in the direction that Karkat had gone, and the only thing you can think is that he wasn’t exaggerating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_GfgTdFFkI)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry for my inability to not be problematic. But I promise I won't be horrible with the angst for the next few chapters. Also, I've been loving reading your suggestions in the comments! Please keep them coming, I've been hella behind in writing, and your comments keep me going. Until next week!


	17. Chapter 17

It’s kind of weird how a person can change so much, and yet remain exactly the same. Take, for example, Rose Lalonde.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re currently picking up your twin sister from the airport.

When she approaches you, you almost don’t recognise her; she doesn’t really look _that_ different, but the small changes make a world of difference. Her hair – which, just like yours, is so blonde that it looks white – has been cut from its old length and is now in this weirdly trendy pixie-cut thing, longer in the front and close cropped at the back. She’s gained a bit of weight, but it makes her look healthier, more lively. The dark circles under her eyes from late nights spent studying to try to get into a good school and get out of the house have significantly faded.

Still, some things never change. Her oddly purple eyes, which she keeps proudly uncovered, unlike you, still have their sharp spark of curiosity. Her black eyeliner may be a bit neater than it used to be, considering her unsteady hands, but she still wears it in thick wings. And of course her lips are painted black as meticulously as always. She’s wearing an outfit you remember too -  a perfectly white skirt and a black t-shirt with the name of some band you nearly never listen to, but you know she adores. You’re the one who bought her that shirt as a going away present. It makes you feel prouder than you should to see her actually wearing it.

And, as always, she greets you with her usual barely-camouflaged insults.

Or, you thought she would. It’s what she always does. Instead, she smiles – genuinely smiles – and talks like she’s actually not trying to ruin your life. “Hello, Dave. Nice of you to come meet me. How have you been doing?”

You squint at her. “…Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?”

She laughs, shaking her head. Again, you’re struck by how much healthier she seems. How much happier. “I simply wanted to inquire as to the health of my baby brother. Especially after that little sexuality scare you had.”

You roll her eyes – you know she can’t see them, but she can usually sense it or something. You’re pretty sure she’s psychic. “Why do you have to talk like that? It doesn’t make you sound smart, just obnoxious. And I’m not your ‘little brother’. We’re twins.”

She hums, an amused smirk on her face. “Yes, but I was born first. And I simply speak like this because I want to. I apologise if it bothers you, but really, I don’t think it’s your concern how I want to talk. By the way, don’t think I didn’t notice that you avoided the topic of your sexuality. We’ve been working on this, Dave.”

You heave an exaggerated sigh, not because you’re actually annoyed, but because you want Rose to feel like you are. “I know, I know. I accept that I’m bi. There’s nothing wrong with liking the same gender. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Satisfied, Rose nods. She shoves her bags into your hands and walks off, not waiting up on you. “Come on, then. We have places to be. How is Broderick doing?”

Rose is the only one in the family who calls Bro ‘Broderick’. As far as everyone else is concerned, he’s just ‘Bro’; partially because he raised you all to call him that, and partially because he really doesn’t deserve an actual name. He’s a monster, and you all realised that a while back.

You don’t really know how to answer Rose’s question, so you just shrug as you follow her out of the airport to catch a cab back home. “He hasn’t really been home for a day or two. Outside of that, I couldn’t tell you.”

You hadn’t noticed the tension in her shoulders until it drained out of them. You guess she hadn’t exactly been looking forward to seeing her oldest brother again. Not that you can blame her.

She manages to hail a taxi, and you toss her stuff into the trunk before hopping into the back seat with her. There’s a brief, comfortable silence for the first few minutes of the ride before you speak up. “So. How’s school? Tell me more about that girl you keep rambling on about on pesterchum.”

You can’t believe your eyes when you see what happens next. Rose Lalonde, your sister, lover of all that is dark and dead, passive-aggressive master of sarcasm and hidden insults, self-proclaimed witch and probable spawn of Satan…blushes. She honest-to-god, straight up _blushes,_ like some middle school girl with a crush. Then it hits you.

“Oh my god, you’re totally in love with her, aren’t you?”

“Dave!” Rose looks horrified; you’d laugh if she didn’t have so much dirt on your own feelings towards a certain someone who she was going to actually meet soon, holy shit, maybe you didn’t think this through.

Rose’s voice pulls you out of that nightmare and back to the situation at hand. “I am not ‘in love’ with her. As of right now, we are simply close friends. That is all.”

You can’t help but notice the slight tinge of disappointment in her voice. You risk speaking up. “But you like her, right?”

Rose sighs, defeated, and leans back in her seat. “…Yes. I can admit that I do admire her quite a bit. She is just so…amazing, Dave. I’m not sure what to do.”

Honestly, neither are you. You’ve never seen your sister like this before. She’d had crushes, she’s flirted, she’d had significant others, but they’d always kind of seemed like a passing fancy. You’ve never seen her so hung up over some girl before. You hesitate uncertainly before wrapping a reassuring arm around her. “I think this is the part where I say some cliched bullshit about how great you are and how if she doesn’t like you like that, it’s her loss. And usually I’d gag on shit that cheesy and fake-sounding, but in your case, I actually think it’s true. For an annoying, pain in the ass know-it-all, you’re actually pretty cool. So yeah, that girl is probably totally into you. Just make a move and see what happens. If it doesn’t work out, then hey, there are plenty of other people that would totally be into a weirdo like you.”

What you’d meant to say was ‘you’re cool and she probably likes you too, so just do something about it’, and even though those weren’t quite the words that left your mouth, you think Rose still understood it that way, because she smiles gratefully at you and nods. “Maybe I’ll try to start something, then. Thank you, Dave.”

You nod silently, but you actually feel pretty good about yourself. Usually, Rose is the one helping you with your shit. It feels good to be able to actually help her with something this important to her.

The cab rolls to a stop in front of your apartment building not long after. Rose insists on being the one to pay the driver, so you leave her to it and get her stuff from the trunk. A bit later, the two of you are standing in the elevator (it’s prone to breaking, so you usually take the stairs, but like hell are you going to lug her bags all the way up there), silent as you listen to shitty elevator music and wait to arrive on your floor. You don’t risk saying a single word until you’re both safely in your apartment and in your room, where you’d left music playing. Right now, Secret by Fenris was on. It’s only once the door is closed and locked that either of you relax – you both know Bro has a way of hanging around without anyone even knowing he’s there.

You toss her bags down and flop back on your bed with a sigh. Meanwhile, Rose sits at your desk, back straight, hands folded in her lap, and looks at you expectantly. You don’t acknowledge her at first, but after exactly three minutes and twenty seven seconds of silence, you give in. “What?”

Rose smirks like she’s already won. “So? How are things going with Karkat?”

You’re silent, but she doesn’t rush you. She already knows you’ll answer her. Fucking psychic bitch.

“Uh, actually, funny you should mention him.” Are you really going to invite her to this? You suppose you can’t just leave her home alone with Bro, but introducing her to Karkat has your head ringing with warnings: Don’t do it, Don’t do it, Don’t do it. “He actually has this Christmas thing he does, and he invited me. He said I could bring someone, so…wanna go?” You do it.

Rose’s smirk grows, and you have the suspicion that she’s already scheming. “Why, David, are you offering to introduce your beloved Karkat to li’l ol’ me?” Yeah, she’s definitely scheming. You already regret this. But you can’t go back now.

“I mean, if you want to stay here for the weekend instead, that’s always an option too.”

Rose purses her lips critically. “…As much as I would love to spend another Christmas with dearest Broderick, I think meeting Karkat sounds _much_ more interesting.”

And so, your fate was sealed. You’re not sure whether you should look forward to the weekend, or be afraid of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRv5iLmr8eo)
> 
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> 
> So, I’m having a dilemma. I have a couple of other fics I want to write, but I definitely want to finish this one. Problem is, this fic is gonna be pretty long, and I’m worried about losing motivation for writing the other fics. The way I see it, I have three options: I can finish this and risk not writing the other fics, I can put this on hiatus later on to start the other fics, or I can keep updating this regularly and post bits and pieces of the others whenever I have time. What do you guys think I should do? Comment to let me know.


	18. Sweater Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second Karkat turns his back, you give Rose an exasperated look. It’s not as effective as it could be with your shades on, but Rose seems to understand well enough, putting a hand on your arm and raising an eyebrow as if to ask and what are you going to do about it? This time, you give in and shoot her a pleading look instead, but she simply smirks and follows Karkat down the hallway. Groaning internally, you hurry after them.

You and Rose stand outside the door of Karkat’s house, each holding a bag of clothes and a neatly wrapped box (she had insisted on being the one to wrap the presents, since you can’t wrap for shit). Your sister hadn’t wanted to show up empty-handed, so she’s currently holding Terezi’s present, leaving you with Karkat’s. You can barely feel your fingers in the cold – it started snowing last night, and hasn’t stopped yet – but somehow, you can still feel the weight of the box, which you think is way more than it should be, considering what’s inside it.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’ve been standing here for five minutes without knocking.

Rose had been patient about it at first. After the first three minutes though, she’d stopped standing silently and started getting annoyed, suggesting you do something. But you didn’t, and now, five minutes after you arrived, she seems to have decided that enough is enough.

“Dave, if you’re not planning on knocking, you could have just said so. I’ll do it for you.”

She steps towards the door, but you’re quick to block her way. “ _No._ I mean, I can do it. Fuck off and give me a second, okay?”

Rose looks pretty annoyed, but she backs off. Looks like it’s now or never. You take a breath before knocking on the door. You can just barely hear muffled arguing from inside, then the door is opening, and Karkat’s there, staring up at you with a slight frown and Jesus Christ, what is he wearing.

A red Santa hat is crooked on the top of his head. He’s wearing this huge sweater – you’re pretty sure you could fit at least two adults and a small child in that thing. It’s bright red, and covered with that shitty stock-snowflake pattern that’s on every Christmas sweater in existence. There’s a huge sock – stocking? – in the middle of his chest, right over the words ‘I’VE BEEN NAUGHTY’ and a winking Santa face. You’d have a few choice words about that if it wasn’t for the fact that your sister is right next to you. His pants are the same baggy black jeans he usually wears, but you can see his socks now, and they’re way cuter than you’d expected him to wear – they’re the ones that are like foot-gloves, black, but with little red crab designs.

He looks less than happy about the ensemble. Also, ridiculous.

“Hey. Nice sweater.”

Karkat makes a face at you, but moves out of the doorway to let you in. You and Rose hurry out of the cold gratefully, shedding coats and gloves and scarves once the door’s been shut.

“I know, I know, I look stupid. My brother made me wear it.” Karkat grumbles as he takes the presents from you and sets them under the tree – real pine, undecorated. “I’ll probably change out of it as soon as he _gets the fuck out of my room!”_ He shouts the last part, turning to yell down the hall.

Two voices reply, one kind of shrill and annoying, like a mosquito, the other deeper and more gravelly, but grating. “Karkat, language!”

They sounded like they were coming from two different rooms, but neither seems to faze Karkat much. He just points a pair of middle fingers down the hall before turning back around to give Rose a strained smile. “Sorry about that. You’re Dave’s sister, right?”

Rose seems a bit surprised at the whole situation, but blinks when she’s addressed and easily returns Karkat’s smile with a graceful one of her own. You really hate how easily she can compose herself; it’s not fair that she’s so collected and you’re a fumbling mess. “Yes, though typically I’m called Rose, not ‘Dave’s sister’. Lovely to meet you. I assume you’re Karkat? Dave has told me so much about you.”

Karkat looks at you curiously at that, and you silently swear that you’re going to murder your sister the first chance you get.

“…Right. Cool. Uh, well, everyone else is already here. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

The second Karkat turns his back, you give Rose an exasperated look. It’s not as effective as it could be with your shades on, but Rose seems to understand well enough, putting a hand on your arm and raising an eyebrow as if to ask _and what are you going to do about it?_ This time, you give in and shoot her a pleading look instead, but she simply smirks and follows Karkat down the hallway. Groaning internally, you hurry after them.

“So, since you guys are new to this, let me warn you about how this usually goes. Today is just for hanging out and relaxing, pretty much. Tomorrow we put up decorations and get started on cooking for Christmas dinner. And yes, we all have to help.” You start to chime in with the fact that you can’t cook for shit, but Karkat’s on a roll, and promptly interrupts you. “Don’t worry if you’re not used to cooking, it’s easy, and I’ll walk you through everything. Open presents Christmas morning, finish up the cooking, get ready for dinner. People start coming over around seven, we eat, socialise, and everyone’s out by two. You guys can leave whenever after that. Or before, I guess, but that doesn’t usually happen. We’re here, by the way. This is my room.”

Karkat finally stops taking as you arrive outside of his room, you can already hear all the chatter inside. He makes a point of giving an exaggerated eye-roll before opening the door.

Everyone in the room quiets down and stares at you and Rose almost immediately. It makes you uncomfortable, but Rose doesn’t seem to mind. She stares back evenly.

Karkat clears his throat and begins introducing everyone; you assume that’s for Rose’s sake, at least for the most part. “So, these are my friends from school, Gamzee, Terezi and Sollux.” He gestures to each of them as he speaks. “The asshole in red is my older brother, Kankri.” He gestures to a taller, darker haired, snootier looking version of himself – Kankri’s wearing a red sweater too, except his has an ugly felt present decorated with scratchy-looking ribbon over the word ‘nice’. He looks like he’s going to say something, but Karkat quickly goes on and cuts him off. “That’s Aradia, she’s home schooled.” He gestures to a girl with big, bright eyes and an abundance of woolly black hair. She grins at you and Rose and waves enthusiastically. “And that’s my friend-”

Rose interrupts him with a single word. “Kanaya.”

That gets your attention. You stare at the remaining girl. She’s…not exactly what you expected.

By which you mean she’s Muslim.

Now, you’re not xenophobic or Islamophobic or anything like that. As long as no one was hurting anyone, you don’t see the harm in letting them believe what they want. But…well…you’ve never exactly known a Muslim before. And you certainly wouldn’t have pictured Rose crushing on one. Rose, atheist, self-proclaimed witch.

You can definitely see the appeal, though. She’s tall and slender, well dressed, with these bright green eyes and delicate features and perfect makeup. Her dark-painted lips split into this dainty little ‘o’ shape when she realises Rose is there and staring at her. She quickly recovers however, smiling and rising from her perch on the edge of Karkat’s bed. “Rose. I did not know you would be here; you said you were going home for the holidays.”

“I live a few blocks from here.” Rose replies with an easy smile of her own. “My brother was invited, so it seems he took it upon himself to invite me as well.”

“What a fortunate coincidence; Karkat is a close friend of mine, so he always invites me to this. It’s quite lucky that you’ll be here this year; I was just telling Aradia that I already missed your charming frankness.”

“Funnily enough, I was just telling my brother the other day how impressed I was by your ability to balance fashion and function. By the way, your makeup is as stunning as always today. You really _have_ to show me how you always manage to get your eyeliner so precise.”

“I have told you time and time again Rose; it is all about patience. Still, if a visual explanation would be more beneficial to you, I would be happy to show you how I do it sometime during the week.”

You and Karkat exchange a look as your sister wonders off to flirt with apparently-his-friend. She’s not being subtle at all. Does she think she’s being subtle? God, you hope not; she’d be so painfully wrong. You’re already feeling the second-hand embarrassment.

“My sister’s totally making googly eyes at your friend,” you whisper as you follow Karkat to his bed. He sits, staring at you with wide eyes as he whispers back.

“My friend’s totally making googly eyes at your sister.”

You snort and sit next to him. You can only catch a glimpse of his computer screen before he shuts it – he’d left it open on his bed – but you’re pretty sure he had Matthew Koma’s ‘Hard to Love’ open on youtube. It makes you pretty proud to know he listens to the music you recommend – you had sent him a link to that song just a few days ago. Before you have a chance to comment on it, Karkat’s brother finds a way to squeeze right between the two of you on the bed.

“Kankri, holy shit, fuck off!” Karkat whines, shooting him an annoyed look.

Kankri scoffs, clearly not actually offended, but he sure makes a big deal out of acting like he is. “Now Karkat, we’ve talked about this before! It’s quite rude to swear at people like that, and even worse in front of company. And you certainly shouldn’t try to force people to leave when they have just arrived. I simply wanted to meet your friend.” Before Karkat can get a single word in, Kankri turns to you and starts up again. “You are…Dave, correct? Or at least, I assume so; Karkat had said that you were coming, so I believe it’s safe to guess that you are, in fact, Dave, since you’re the only one of his friends I’ve yet to meet. That being said, it really is nice to finally meet you. Karkat has spoken to me about you quite a bit. In fact, you’re pretty much the only thing he speaks about when I pester him. Oh, apologies, I didn’t mean to imply that you were a _thing,_ per say; you are one of the only people he talks about. I was actually quite surprised to hear he had made a new friend; he can be quite abrasive at times, if you haven’t noticed. But now that you are in the picture, I hope you can be a good influence on him. He seems to be quite fond of you, I am certain he will really listen when you speak. Unlike how he responds to me.”

“Oh my god, Kankri, will you quit it already?” Karkat, who had been listening in silent mortification, cuts back in now. He looks exasperated, cheeks tinted pink in a way that highlights his freckles and good god, that should not be as fucking precious as it is.

Kankri purses his lips, but seems to decide that it’s time to stop embarrassing his brother for now. He nods curtly and gets to his feet, offering you a slight smile. “I hope you will at least consider what I said, Dave. But I believe I have worn out my welcome. Pardon me.” And with that, he leaves the room.

Karat whines loudly, doubling over. “My brother’s the fucking worst.”

Filled with the almost uncomfortable sense of responsibility left with you from Kankri, you don’t have the voice to tell him he’s wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3SeJaiYwPA)
> 
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> 
>  
> 
>  
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> 
> Christ, I'm so behind with this fic, oh my lord. I've heard y'alls thoughts about what I should do with the other fics, and I'm still considering them. For now, though, I think I'm just gonna focus on this fic. I'm almost on summer break, so hopefully, I'll be able to post more often soon. Hmu in the comments with what you think about this chapter!


	19. One Door Closes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terezi flops back onto the bed, resting her head in your lap with a sigh that’s so dramatic, it’s a wonder that she doesn’t pass out from oxygen deprivation. She stares up at you with those big, empty eyes and grins, showing an almost painful number of oddly normal teeth.

True to his word, the moment his brother leaves the room, Karkat tugs the sweater he was wearing right off and tosses it aside with a scowl. He’s wearing a plain black t-shirt under it, and you’re reminded how skinny and frail he is. You’re not staring for long, however, before he’s retrieved another well-worn, but clearly well-loved sweater from his closet. It’s a plain dark grey, and the sleeves are frayed from the time he must spent worrying at them, but otherwise, it looks almost brand new.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you spend entirely too much time staring at Karkat.

He turns to look at you, and for a second, you’re worried he’s caught you staring, but then he just sits next to you like nothing’s happened and you’re reminded that shades are great tools to hide where you’re looking or who you’re staring at in any given moment. Just another reason you should probably glue them on your face and keep them there forever.

The two of you are silent while chatter flares back up throughout the rest of the room. You kind of want to talk to him, but what do you say? “…So. My sister and your friend, huh?”

“Holy shit, I know, right?”

It seems like you’ve made the right opening statement, because he’s staring straight at you now and he’s got this tiny little smile on his face. “Like, Rose is so picky about who she dates. What are the chances that she would-”

“Oh my god, Dave, you have to help me hook them up.”

“Wait, what?”

Karkat frowns slightly now, looking almost confused, like the thought you’d been on that same train of thought. You weren’t. Rose and Kanaya were weirdly cute together – even if you’d only seen them together for about five minutes. Still, you don’t know how you feel about playing matchmaker and getting the two of them together.

“Uh…I dunno man. Don’t you think maybe we should just leave that to them?”

Karkat rolls his eyes, shaking his head at you with this smug half-smile like you’re a kid who just said something stupid, and now he’s going to school you. “Dave, look at them.”

You follow his instructions. The girls are sitting together, whispering and laughing, and giving each other these sidelong looks any time one of them looks away. It’s so sweet, your teeth hurt.

“They like each other. It so obvious. But neither of them is going to make the first move. So, as people who care about them and want them to be happy, we have _got_ to do something to move this along. It’s our duty.” He says all of this like it’s obvious, but you still have your fair share of doubts. If you’re being honest, though, you already know you’ll end up helping him. Partially because your twin really does look happy with Kanaya, and partially because Karkat seems so enthusiastic about this. He’s so cute.

Wait.

It.

You meant _it’s_ so cute.

Fuck, you’ve got it bad.

“Okay, fine.” You relent, earing this excited grin from Karkat. Goddamn, you want to be able to make him do that again. “So, what’s the plan, cupid?”

Before he can reply, an arm wraps around his stomach and pulls him back. The arm is attached to Gamzee, who now has both arms around Karkat, and is holding the smaller boy against his chest. He whines and grumbles, but doesn’t try to move away, instead settling back against the clown. That’s something else you want to be able to do with him.

“I’ll tell you later,” Karkat replies to your almost forgotten question. Gamzee doesn’t seem to be willing to let you drop your conversation, though.

“You’ll tell him what?” he questions, chin resting upon the mop of hair on top of Karkat’s head. The other is so small, he has to bend over awkwardly to do it.

Karkat whines again and squirms, but it’s pretty clear that he isn’t actually trying to get away. “Fuck off, Gamzee. I have a life outside of you, you know.”

“You ain’t keepin’ secrets from your best motherfucking friend, are you?” Gamzee flashes you this annoyed look, and for a moment, you feel this absurd flash of pride that Karkat is trusting you with this when he doesn’t even want to tell Gamzee about it.

Before he can get a chance to reply and probably destroy that ounce of pride, Terezi flops back onto the bed, resting her head in your lap with a sigh that’s so dramatic, it’s a wonder that she doesn’t pass out from oxygen deprivation. She stares up at you with those big, empty eyes and grins, showing an almost painful number of oddly normal teeth. “I don’t know what you nerds are muttering about over here, or why you didn’t invite me, but stop it; we’re here to have fun, not gossip. Karkat, come on, I want to beat you at Mario Kart.”

“You are _so_ not going to beat me.” Karkat’s smiling slightly as he speaks. He pulls away from Gamzee and gets up, leaving the room. When Gamzee and Terezi do the same, you choose to take that as your cue to follow.

Karkat leads you all to the living room, where you’d watched movies the other day. He’s setting some shit up, so you decide to make yourself comfortable on the couch. You don’t take notice of the fact that both Terezi and Gamzee had avoided that seat until Karkat sits next to you and hands you a controller. He glances over at you with a smirk as you take it. “Ready to have your ass handed to you, Strider?”

You scoff, rolling your eyes behind your shades and choosing your character – your home girl Princess Peach. “You fucking wish, Vantas. You’re going down.”

Karkat gives you this knowing look before turning back to the screen, leaning forward and rolling his neck as the countdown begins.

Three.

Two.

One.

 

 

Turns out, Terezi and Gamzee were avoiding the player two spot because Karkat is the sorest loser in the history of the entire universe.

You’ve beaten him about five times now, and every time he whines or tries to accuse you of cheating. You always tell him that you won fair and square – because you did – and he always demands a rematch.

You agree, every time. You like playing with him, even if he won’t stop bitching about losing. You can see him out of the corner of your eyes, leaning forward and furrowing his eyebrows in concentration, tongue just barely sticking out of his mouth. He nudges you and swears and calls you names, and you tell him he’s cheating, but he keeps doing it, and you win anyway. He gets so mad, but you can always hear the laughter in his voice when he starts insisting on another match.

There’s only one thing kind of marring this experience for you; Terezi. It’s not that you’re not happy she’s here or something. She’s a really cool girl, and you like her loads. You just feel kind of sort of really guilty around her now. The more time you spend around Karkat, the more you realize how much you like him, and the more comfortable with the idea you get. But you can’t help but feel guilty about the fact that you’re still dating Terezi. You’re leading her on, and you know it, but every time you try to break up with her, you back out at the last second.

Not this time, though. You know you can’t let this keep going on. It would be unfair to both of you. So, after you beat Karkat for the ninth time, you pause the game and insist on taking a break. Karkat doesn’t seem happy about it, but he reluctantly agrees. He vanishes into the kitchen, and Gamzee doesn’t hesitate to follow. You don’t want to risk either of them coming back too soon, so you lead Terezi into the hallway.

She seems confused. She’s still smiling, but it seems uncertain, like she doesn’t know whether she should drop it or not. You can tell that she already knows this is going to be bad news. That doesn’t make this any easier.

“…Wow, cool kid. Whisking me away from the others for a romantic rendezvous. How risqué.” She laughs softly, but it doesn’t have its usual bite to it. She’s nervous.

You decide it might be best to cut right to the chase. No point in beating around the bush, right? “…We need to talk.”

Her smile vanishes completely from her face, and her shoulders seem to slump slightly, like she knows what’s coming. “Then talk.”

You hesitate, but there’s no turning back now. You have to do this. For both of your sakes. “We need to break up.”

She sighs, as if her suspicions have been confirmed, and she wishes she’d been wrong. You rush to continue. “Not because I don’t like you or anything. You’re honestly one of the coolest people I’ve ever known, and if you don’t hate me I’d really love to keep being friends and shit. I just…I’m learning a lot of new and kind of scary things about myself right now, and I don’t think I can keep dating you. I think I might be interested in someone…unexpected, and until I move on from that, it’s really just not fair to either of us to keep this up. So…yeah, I’m sorry.”

Terezi’s silent, staring. She doesn’t seem upset anymore, exactly. Maybe confused. Like she’s trying to piece something together. After a moment, you hear Karkat calling you from the other room. “Dave, hurry up and get your ass back in here so I can destroy it!”

In that moment, Terezi’s grin returns. It’s more knowing, and she shakes her head at you slowly. You’re pretty sure you can hear Quinn XCII’s ‘Straightjacket’ playing on your head.

“Of course. I understand _perfectly,_ cool kid. Be sure to tell Karkles ‘good luck’ for me, hm?” She winks and skips off.

You heave a sigh. Fuck. She knows. Well…at least you got the break up over with. You shake your head, getting your game face back on as you return to the living room. “Sorry Kit-Kat, I’m afraid I can’t let that happen. _I’m_ the one who’s going to destroy _your_ ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNQwRarYRFY)
> 
>  
> 
> So sorry I didn't post last week! I was in the middle of exams and couldn't get any writing done. But I'm on holiday now!!! So here you go.
> 
> ALSO: If you like this story, look out for the first chapter of another story of mine coming out on Tuesday. I'll keep updating this regularly, but the plan is to update that one every other Tuesday. We'll see how it goes.


	20. No More Sleepless Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You sit up and rub at your eyes before squinting in the direction of the sound. It’s dark, but you can just barely make out the outline of someone with messy hair, and an oversized sweater.
> 
> “…Karkat?” you whisper.
> 
> “Fuck. Did I wake you up?”
> 
> Yeah, that’s definitely Karkat. You’d know that voice anywhere.

In the end, you beat Karkat with a score of fifteen to two (you let him win a couple of times to get him to stop whining, but then he started whining about you letting him win). The group of you chats over a nutritious dinner of pizza (apparently, there’ll be so much cooking over the next two days that no one wants to do it now). At last, you all begin getting ready for bed. Karkat mentions that his dad was busy today, but you’ll definitely be seeing him tomorrow.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you just realized you’re going to meet Karkat’s parents.

Hell, you’re going to meet his whole family. What if they don’t like you? His brother seemed to be okay with you, at least, but what if he’s the only one?

Of course, you don’t say any of this out loud to anyone. The last thing you want is to have to justify why you’re worried about what his family thinks of you to anyone.

You’ve volunteered to sleep on the couch in the living room – everyone else is sharing sleeping spaces in Karkat’s room. You think the girls are sharing the bed and the boys have a blow-up mattress or sleeping bags or some shit. Honestly, taking the couch is probably the most spacious option.

By two, you’re settled on the couch with a pillow and probably more blankets than you need, but Karkat insisted that you take. You suspect he usually sleeps with piles of blankets or something. You don’t protest, just take the blankets and go. As it turns out, even with all of them heaped on top of you, you were still warmer the other night when you were holding Karkat. Dude’s a fucking space heater, what the fuck.

It doesn’t take longer than about half an hour for you to fall asleep. Still, you don’t think you’re out for more than two hours or so before you find yourself waking up.

You’re not sure what exactly woke you up for a moment, but then you hear someone shuffling around behind you somewhere. You sit up and rub at your uncovered eyes before squinting in the direction of the sound. It’s dark, confirming it’s still the early hours of the morning, but you can just barely make out the outline of someone with messy hair, and an oversized sweater.

“…Karkat?” you whisper.

The figure freezes and turns towards you. For a second, you’re worried it was actually Kankri or something. Then the figure speaks.

“Fuck. Did I wake you up?”

Yeah, that’s definitely Karkat. You’d know that voice anywhere. He’s trying to whisper, but you’re pretty sure he’s incapable of that. He’s really just speaking slightly more softly than the average human. It shouldn't be as endearing as it is.

You shake your head and rub at your eyes again. It’s more of a dismissal of his question than an actual answer. “Why the fuck are you up so early?” 

“I couldn’t sleep.” He’s pretty matter-of-fact about it. You’d forgotten his insomnia, for a second.

You huff and get to your feet, not bothering to put on your shades; it’s dark enough that he wouldn’t have been able to see your eyes anyway. You approach him and can just barely make out his features - eyes trained on you, but not seeing any more than you could, lips turned downwards into a frown, hands tugging almost uncertainly at the hem of his sweater.

“What are you doing? Go back to sleep.” He hisses the words at you, but you wave them aside and wrap an arm around him, guiding him into the kitchen.

You ignore all of his protests as you open the fridge, grab a carton of milk and close it again. “Dave, seriously, what the fuck? I’m fine, so just go back to bed, okay?”

Again, you ignore him, poking around in his cupboards until you find a mug. You grab it and return to the counter, where he’s waiting with a somewhat frustrated frown. “Where do you keep your honey?”

“What? Why?” Even as he questions you, he crosses the kitchen, easily finding said honey and returning to your side.

“Because, dude. Milk and honey is the shit when you need to sleep.” You fill the cup maybe three quarters with milk, then find a spoon and add a few spoonfuls of honey. You mix your concoction up, then stick the mug in the microwave, setting it for two minutes.

When you turn around again, Karkat is staring at you, eyebrows furrowed. You instinctively reach up to adjust your shades, but of course they’re not there. You have to remind yourself that he can’t actually make out your eyes when it’s this dark.

Nearly a minute passes in total silence. It’s unnerving, and you don’t like it. So, you speak.

“This’ll help you sleep. I think it will, anyway. It always used to help me. My sister was the one who told me it helped with sleep stuff.”

He looks confused now. “Your sister? You mean Rose?” 

You shake your head, a slight smile making its way onto your face. “Nah. My other sister, Roxy. Oh man, you’d love her. Right, so, when I was like, thirteen or fourteen or something, I started having these nightmares, and it got so bad that sometimes I’d just lay awake thinking about them, and couldn’t get myself to sleep. Roxy eventually realized I wasn’t sleeping properly, so she brought me this mug and told me some shit about how it was magic water and I’d definitely be able to sleep if I drank it. And I told _her_ that I was too old to believe in that magic crap, and also, I was like, nintey per cent sure it was piss or something, but I was tired, so she got me to drink it. Well, sure enough, I was out in like, five minutes flat. No nightmares or anything. She showed me how to make it the next day, and I still do it whenever I can’t sleep.”

Karkat’s still staring at you. You look away as the microwave pings, opening it and grabbing the mug, which you bring over to the counter. Karkat takes it with a nod before speaking.

“So, where is she now?” 

You’re silent for a moment, glancing away. “Um...she actually kind of left. I mean, she didn’t abandon us or whatever, but she needed to get away for a bit. For therapy. She kind of had this drinking problem. She’s definitely getting better though. She sends letters all the time, and sometimes she pesters me. I think she’s like, not supposed to use electronics that much or something.” 

He’s quiet. When you glance over at him, he’s staring down at the mug. After a brief moment, he sighs and takes a sip. You nod when he lowers it and looks at you. “Well?”

“...Your sister knew what she was talking about.”

“Right?”

You’re smiling again. It’s ridiculous how easy it is for you to do that around him. Maybe it means that you should go to sleep. But you have to get him to sleep first.

You don’t have to think to wrap an arm around him and lead him back to the living room, sitting next to him on the couch. He doesn’t miss a beat, pulling the blanket pile over both of your laps and sipping at his milk and honey. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him. Neither of you speaks.

You’re not sure how much time passes before he puts the empty mug down and leans against your side. You don’t say a word as you wrap an arm around his shoulder. It just feels right. He’s not complaining either.

A few seconds pass before he speaks, his voice several decibels lower and already groggy with weariness. “Hey, Dave?”

“Hm?”

“How come you wear your shades all the time?”

“...I dunno. They make me feel safe, I guess.”

“...Well...for whatever it’s worth, I think your eyes are pretty.”

Your head snaps towards him. His head’s resting on your shoulder, and he’s staring up at you with half closed eyes. This close, you can clearly see the brown in his, which means he must be able to see the red in yours.

But...you don’t panic. Honestly, you don’t. You thought you would. You also thought he’d hate your eyes. The same way you do. But he doesn’t hate them. And you’re not upset that he was them.

“...Get some sleep.” You whisper the words. He doesn’t argue, instead sinking further into your side and closing his eyes. You can feel his breathing slow down as he drifts off to sleep. You hesitate for a moment before leaning your head against his and closing your eyes. You can hear the Taska Black remix of San Holo’s ‘Light’ playing in the back of your head as you drift off next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnHkWreZDjA)
> 
>  
> 
> Yes, I absolutely thought of that thing about Roxy hella in advance and not two seconds before I wrote it. But seriously, hopefully it makes sense and isn't a horrible thing for me to do to her. Comment to let me know what you think!


	21. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re holding Karkat Vantas.
> 
> Again.
> 
> God dammit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was co-authored and edited by a couple of losers over in the homestuck authors discord chat. Love y'all.

When you eventually wake up, it’s to quiet whispers and giggles. You groan, keeping your eyes shut as your hand scrambles blindly for your shades. What the fuck is that weight on your chest? It isn’t until you manage to get your shades on your face and open your eyes that you find the answer.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re holding Karkat Vantas.

Again.

God dammit.

You figure you must have fallen over last night and brought him down with you, because you’re lying on your back now, holding him to your chest. He’s still fast asleep, one hand loosely gripping your shirt. It’s ridiculous how comfortable he looks like that. It’s also ridiculous how adorable he looks like that, face relaxed in sleep, hair tousled far beyond the laws of physics. A soft smile threatens to spread across your face, caused by the uncontrollable warm bubbliness you’re feeling.

Then you look up.

Evidently, you aren’t the first person in the house to wake up. In fact, it seems you’re one of the last. Pretty much everyone else is very awake, and they’re crowded around you. Rose and Kanaya are whispering to each other and giggling. Sollux and Aradia are hanging back and muttering, occasionally pointing at you. Gamzee’s not far from them, glowering. Terezi’s leaning right over the back of the couch, poking your face and grinning knowingly. Even Kankri’s there, looking as disapproving and pretentious as he had yesterday.

You groan and attempt to sit up, but Karkat whines and grips your shirt, prompting you to fall still again. You know he needs the sleep, and you’d feel like a total piece of shit if you dared to wake him up, no matter how goddamn awkward the situation is.

Terezi’s grin grows as you shift. “So, Sleeping Beauty’s finally woken up.”

This seems to get Rose’s attention, because she tears her gaze away from Kanaya and focuses on you instead. A smug smirk spreads across her face as she locks eyes with you; as well as she can with your shades on.

“Ah, welcome to the world of the living, Dave. I must say, it certainly is gratifying to see how...close you’ve become with your friend here.”

You huff irritably, ready to snark back at her, when, out of your peripheral vision, you see Terezi shift a marker behind her back. You jolt, hand going up to feel your forehead. It comes away teal and smelling of mango, and you barely suppress a groan. Again. Why was this morning like this. Why are your friends like this.

Realising that if she got you, she had the perfect opportunity to go after Karkat as well, you look down at him. Welp, she’d definitely had fun whilst you were asleep. Unsurprisingly, Karkat still looks fucking perfect, even with a dick on his face.

Wait.

Not what you meant.

Also not a good time to start going horrendously red. Under the scrutiny of several maniacal teenagers, the slightest bit of weakness was instantly leapt upon like a morsel of flesh amidst a pack of screeching hyenas. The screeching, at least, was accurate.

“Dave! Coolkid, did you fall back asleep?!”

Accurate, probably because you’d zoned the fuck out staring at Karkat again. “Ugh, no. I’m too hungover from last night’s insanity for this bullshit this early in the morning. Are you trying to wake Karkat up or some shit? Let a dude sleep, for once, kay?”

You definitely do not wriggle slightly in an attempt to get out from under Karkat. To no effect! A teasing “awww” comes from Terezi, sarcastic as fuck, and you reach up to flail a hand at her. She easily maneuvers out of your reach, and since you’re operating under a handicap (a fucking adorable dude on top of you, shut up, not like that), you give up. Your flailing is just you making a fool of yourself, so you cut your losses and wrap your arm around Karkat again.

“Too early, fuck off.”

“It’s nigh on ten in the morning, dearest brother”, Rose lilts. She’d been spectating this entire damn time with a sharp, amused grin on her face. You make a kissy face and jerk your head vaguely in Kanaya’s direction.

If you’re going to be trapped on the couch for who knows how long, you might as well make the best of it. “Y’all’re just gonna watch us while we sleep, like a bunch of creepy-ass vampires, aren’t you. You know what they say about zoos, ‘feed the animals’, bring food and offerings.”

“I’ll admit that Twilight does not have the best writing, but the story itself was rather intriguing, and could have been the pinnacle of vampire literature. If only it had not been Stephenie Meyer who wrote it…” Rose trailed off with a sigh.

You stare at her incredulously. “Are you fucking kidding me?” you ask, too stunned to formulate a proper argument. You knew she was into wizards and wrinkly, fictional old men, but...wow.

The conversation was supposed to trail off, and Kanaya was most certainly not supposed to stand up and vehemently join in on the defense of Twilight and other assorted atrocities.

“Rose is quite right. The writer - and writing - was unfortunate, but I found the story to be especially scintillating.”

“And titillating”, you mutter, too out of it to fear death at the hands of fashionably murderous lesbians.

Rose shoots you a withering look and you go silent. Though actually, it’s because you have a bigger problem on your hands than your sister now. 

“Father? Karkat’s...friend has awoken, and he’s starting to bicker with the others.” Kankri whined. Tattle-tale.

 Wait. Father?

There’s a sound of clanging pots and pans coming from the direction of the kitchen. A bit later, a familiar-looking man emerges, joining Terezi in staring at you from behind the couch. You’re not sure if he looks familiar from the pictures around the house, or due to the fact that he looks alarmingly similar to his sons. Did the dude clone himself, or what.

He’s barely taller than Kankri and Karkat, but had a build probably more similar to a brick wall than the soft, warm lump still cradled in your arms. His hair is dark, like Kankri’s, but pretty messy (though it couldn’t compare with the nest on top of Karkat’s head, Jesus Christ). His nose is slightly upturned, like Kankri’s, but he’s got Karkat’s thick, angry eyebrows. If it wasn’t for that, his face might actually look friendly, with Karkat’s brown eyes and the slightest upwards tilt of his lips. You’re not sure whether you should be afraid or not, and the red ‘kiss-the-cook’ apron he’s wearing over your pajamas is certainly not helping you make that decision.

“Uh...good morning, Mr. Vantas,” you say nervously.

No voice. Bad. Stop shaking.

He stares down at you, no change on his face. “Good morning.” His voice doesn’t give anything away either. Is this how people feel talking to you?

“Oh. I don’t think I introduced myself. I’m-”

“I know who you are, Dave.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do. Karkat’s always going on about you.”

“He is?”

“Though he didn’t mention that you constantly ask questions that have already been answered.”

Jesus. He sounds like the angry version of Kankri. Which would be...Karkat? You think? You’re confused.

“Right, um. Sir, I swear, I can explain this. This whole sleeping with your son thing. Wait, no, that came out wrong. I didn’t sleep with him. I mean, I did, but not like that. I mean, uh, we slept together in- wait, that didn’t sound any better. We slept on the same surface. Like, we both slept on the couch at the same time. What I am not trying to say is that I had sex with your son. Because I didn’t. Not that I wouldn’t, I mean, it’s not like I don’t think he’s good enough to sleep with or anything. I mean, if he wanted to. In theory. But that’s not what happened last night, I promise, he just happened to fall asleep on the couch with me and that’s all. Really, we-”

“Dave?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up before you dig yourself into an even bigger hole.”

“Yeah.”

Mr. Vantas sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stares at you. You can practically hear the Solstis remix of Soap in your head as you try not to wither under the intensity of his gaze.

“...Listen, I get it. I know you didn’t do anything, and you got my little boy to sleep. That’s no small feat, and god knows he needed it. So yes, this is fine. Let’s just try not to make a habit of it, hm?”

His words are pretty understanding, but you can hear the warning in his tone: I’ll overlook it this time, but don’t let this happen again.

You nod. “Of course, Mr. Vantas. I mean, of course not. I mean...it won’t happen again, sir.”

You’re not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse that Karkat chooses that moment to wake up. He yawns, the hand not holding your shirt moving to rub wearily at his eyes. “Jesus...what year is it?”

Despite the seriousness of the conversation you’d just been having, you couldn’t help but snort at his question, shaking your head. “So the princess has finally awoken. It’s been eighty-four years, Kar. We were starting to worry that you’d never wake up.”

He nudges you halfheartedly before finally letting go of your shirt and sitting up on the edge of the couch. Finally freed from underneath the fluffy bulk of the Vantas, you sit up as well, resisting the urge to lean into him. You have a spine and a perfectly functional skeletal system, and you are a strong independent man who don’t need nobody else’s skeleton to sit up straight. You’re probably watching him a bit too closely again, but despite the heavy conversation that had just gone down, you couldn’t help but snicker at the way the teal dick moved when Karkat scrunched his eyebrows.

“...What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Kankri chose this point to chime in helpfully. “Oh, I believe that would be because you-”

You watch in amused horror as Terezi launches herself over the top of the couch, neatly vaulting over you and Karkat, to slam her palm over Kankri’s mouth. While Kankri is cut off, still making indignant noises, Karkat doesn’t look at all less suspicious.

Rose, as always, is awful. “Perhaps my brother was simply enraptured by your absolutely stunning bedhead, Karkat.”

“What no, it’s the dick on your face!” you exclaim, before clasping your hand over your mouth in horror. Way to get so flustered you give away the prank, Dave. Truly masterful of you. Just to take the point home, you stick your other hand over your face as well in a 2x facepalm combo. 

Karkat looks confused for a moment, then goes bright red as he pieces everything together. He presses a hand over the drawing on his forehead and gets to his feet, making a beeline to his room without a word to anyone.

Terezi glares at you, dropping her hand from Kankri’s mouth. He instantly starts complaining. “Terezi, that was extremely insensitive and ignorant and I am frankly offended that you would do such a thing! Some people can be immediately and severely triggered by unwanted and unwarned physical contact, have you considered that? Furthermore, impeding my ability to inform Karkat of his plight was…” You tune out around here.

Evidently, so does everyone else. Gamzee mutters something about checking on Karkat before disappearing as well. Rose and Kanaya go back to gossiping, as do Sollux and Aradia. Mr. Vantas returns to the kitchen, and Terezi now seems to be retaliating with how the obstruction of JUST1C3 was perfectly justified due to preserving the mental well-being of all participants. Or something like that. You tune out again, before deciding that your face has become well acquainted enough with your palms and pulling out your phone.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 10:07 --

 

TG: hey man  
TG: you alright  
CG: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, STRIDER.  
TG: whoa whats with that hostility i mean  
TG: i didnt even draw the dick i was just gonna like  
TG: shield your vantasage from view as i escort you to the bathroom to get rid of it  
TG: whyre you so pissed at me  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP. WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME ANYWHERE?  
CG: I’M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF UP AND GOING TO WASH MY FACE OFF MYSELF.  
TG: yeah man i know  
TG: fuck this is awkward are you actually pissed at me  
TG: i mean i guess i get it if you are but seriously dude are you okay  
CG: OF COURSE I’M FUCKING OKAY, WHY WOULDN’T I BE? I FEEL COMPLETELY MIRACULOUS NOW THAT YOU’RE NOT FUCKING AROUND WITH ME.

 

Wait. What the fuck. Karkat was, to put it simply, not one for using the word miracle lightly. This was suspicious, and well, you must have been spending too much time around Terezi because now you’re up for some quality sleuthing. Reading back over the log, you notice another discrepancy. Since when had Karkat randomly sprinkled the word “up” into his verb phrases?

 

TG: what the fuck gamzee  
TG: why are you on karkats phone  
TG: is he okay

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum! --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VskYC7uVfGs)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Ha, I'm a bitch.
> 
> Also, for those who may not have noticed, I edited some stuff so the kids are seniors and not juniors.
> 
> New chapter of my other fic out Tuesday. Comments are appreciated, as always.


	22. Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose’s attention snaps back to you, and you’re ready to dodge.
> 
> She shifts, and you turn, about to start running. But you don't get far; you take a step, and then suddenly, there's a Karkat right in front of you.
> 
> Too late, you realise you're still holding the mistletoe high.

Gamzee leaves Karkat’s room first, and you’re ready to run him down and demand to know if Karkat’s okay, but shouty follows close behind him, forehead red from being scrubbed at. He still looks a bit flustered, but at least he’s okay.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re glad Karkat’s alright.

You relax slightly, but still get to your feet and approach the pair, your eyes fixed on Karkat. Gamzee tries to subtly shift in front of him as if to prevent you from reaching him, but you brush past him and ruffle Karkat’s hair with a slight smile. “There he is. Glad to see you’re okay, Karkles.”

He swats irritably at your hands, glaring up at you with pink cheeks and a red forehead. He’s too cute, you can’t do this. “Of course I’m fine, dipshit. I mean, yeah, that was embarrassing, but a little prank isn’t going to _kill_ me.”

“Yeah, no, of course.” Your eyes dart briefly to Gamzee, who’s glaring at you like he’s challenging you to say something. You decide not to take that gamble. “I just meant, like, it’s good that you’re not letting your embarrassment keep you in hiding or whatever.”

He rolls his eyes, but Gamzee looks satisfied. “It was a dick on my forehead, Dave. Terezi’s done worse.”

“Right. No, yeah, I’m sure she has.” By now, you’re silently cursing at yourself. This isn’t that big of a deal, so why do you have to act like it is? Though, honestly, you know why exactly. Waking up surrounded by people had really freaked you out. Usually you’re a pretty light sleeper; you have to be, living with someone like Bro. So the fact that you’d been surrounded by people but had still taken so long to wake up has you more than a bit on edge. There’s just something about being around Karkat that dulls your awareness to anything and everything but him. It’s not good.

You are, again, saved from digging yourself into a hole in front of a Vantas by another Vantas, though this time, the roles are reversed. Mr. Vantas calls out “Breakfast!”, and Karkat’s attention is wrenched away from you. To be fair, so is everyone else’s. There’s barely a moment for you to process just what the fuck is going on before the kitchen is being swarmed by rowdy, hungry teens.

In the mess, you catch a glimpse of Rose being tugged at the hand by Kanaya, and you smirk before trailing them. If Rose was going to be a relentless tease about you and Karkat, well, you were going to return the favour twofold. You’re pretty sure it’s a Strilonde thing.

There is, apparently, a very good reason for the breakfast rush. While there are enough seats for everyone, food is disappearing off of the plates like crazy. You manage to nab a seat between Karkat and Terezi, both of whom are yelling at Sollux and Aradia across the table as they wrestle over who’s going to get the maple syrup first. Somehow, Rose and Kanaya both already have fruits and french toast on their plates. They probably used their feminine charms to make the others serve them first. Or maybe Rose did some witchy shit and intimidated everyone else. It’s hard to say for sure.

“Hellooo? Earth to cool kid? If you plan on eating, you’d better make haste, Strider.”

You blink and look to Terezi, who seems to have won the syrup war and is now drowning her toast in it.

“Leave thome for the retht of uth, TZ!” Sollux whines loudly from across the table. Terezi sticks her tongue out and lobs the bottle of syrup at him, hitting him in the chest.

“Terezi, what have I told you about throwing food?” asks Mr. Vantas, but you’re not sure she can even hear him over her own maniacal laughter.

Karkat heaves an exaggerated sigh and drops a couple of slices of french toast into your plate. “Why am I not surprised that you can’t even manage to feed yourself. Really, Dave, this is getting ridiculous.”

It’s your turn to roll your eyes, though you know no one can actually see it behind your shades. “Well, pardon me for being a little overwhelmed by how insane your friends are.”

Karkat scoffs. “They’re your friends too!”

Sollux chooses now to attempt to throw the maple syrup back at Terezi. Unfortunately for him, his aim is literally worse than a blind girl’s; you catch the bottle with ease as it flies towards your head, pouring syrup onto your toast before passing it to Karkat.

Mr. Vantas sets a mug of coffee down in front of Karkat before wandering out of the room, mumbling something about behaviour and Christmas lights. Karkat adds a ridiculous amount of milk and sugar to the beverage before even taking a sip.

There’s a mess of bickering as you all steadily work through your meal. It only gets quiet when Kanaya clears her throat. It’s hard not to have respect for her. She just seems so mature and dignified.

“We’ve gotten a rather late start today. Might I suggest that we split duties? Half of us should wash up and get started on dinner, while the other half begins decorating.”

Karkat frowns and checks his phone before getting to his feet, swearing under his breath. You suppose that means it’s later than he’d thought. He downs the rest of his coffee, then dumps his stuff in the sink. “Yeah, good call. Me, Dave, Rose and Kanaya will take the first shift of decorating. Do the rest of you mind washing up and getting started on the cooking? Please?”

Gamzee and Sollux look less than pleased with their assignments, but neither of them complain, at least out loud. Still, that’s all the acceptance Karkat needs. Everyone dumps their stuff in the sink, and the four of you on decorating duty relocate to the living room, where Mr. Vantas has already strung up lights on the tree.

“Dave, can you come and help me with the tree while Kanaya and Rose get started on the rest of the room?” Karkat’s already standing by the tree as he speaks, opening a cardboard box labeled ‘DECORATIONS’ in a messy handwriting that you somehow doubt belongs to Kankri. You nod and join him by the tree as Kanaya guides Rose over to a different box.

“So, uh, why’d you pick me to help you with this instead of Gamzee?” you ask as Karkat shoves a box of baubles into your hands.

The other rolls his eyes, pulling a few translucent red orbs from the decorations box and popping them over some of the lights. You follow his lead, beginning to hang up baubles on the branches. “Well, firstly, you don’t know how to cook, and I don’t want you to burn my fucking house down on Christmas Eve.” A fair point. “Secondly, and definitely more importantly, we still have to help Rose and Kanaya realize they’re perfect for each other. You’re still helping me with that, right?”

You’d almost forgotten all about his scheme to make those two hook up. You try not to let that cluelessness show as you continue to hang up decorations. “Oh, yeah. Totally. I just thought you’d have told Gamzee about that or whatever. I mean, isn’t he, like, your best friend?”

Again, he rolls his eyes, digging through the box for something. “Best friend or not, Gamzee wouldn’t know romance if it hit him in the face. You’re not completely hopeless, at least.”

“Thanks?”

“You’re welcome. Now listen, I think I have a plan for how to get them to make a move.” He stands up straight and presses something into your hand. When you look down, you see that it’s a little mistletoe decoration. You look back to Karkat, confused. “You’re obnoxiously tall; go hold that over their heads. Tell them it’s to hang on the door or something. Then, you have to ‘realize’ it’s mistletoe which means they have to kiss. And if they refuse, then just be annoying about it until they agree. It should be pretty easy for you.”

Wow, he’s just not playing down the insults today, is he? Not to mention that there was no way that plan would actually work in getting them closer. Still, Karkat looks so excited about it that you can’t bring yourself to say no. So you don’t say anything at all, simply huffing and bringing the mistletoe over to the girls, holding it high over your head, then over their heads.

“Hey, lieutenant crabby-pants over there says you guys need to hang this mistletoe up by the door. Oh shit, wait, mistletoe? Damn. Guess that means you guys gotta smooch.”

Rose, your lovely sister, with all the grace and dignity of an angel sent down from heaven itself, chokes on air.

Kanaya’s face goes red, and she looks like she’d be grateful to be anywhere else right now. “That is...really not necessary.”

You scoff in mock offense. “Don’t let crabcakes hear you say that. I mean, you know how weird he is about romance. And I’m pretty sure mistletoe kisses are one of the four cornerstones of romance. If he heard you dismissing it that easily, he’d probably just like, die of heartbreak, or something. You wouldn’t do that to him, right? I mean, he’s your friend, and it’s Christmas Eve. Have a heart, Kanaya.”

Poor Kanaya looks mortified, and you swear Rose is two seconds away from murdering you in cold blood. “Dave Elizabeth Strider, you get that mistletoe out of here right _now_ or I swear to god, I will tell Karkat all about how you cried when you saw the people in the cartoon costumes at disney world.”

“Joke’s on you, Rose, I already told him. Now stop whining and kiss your girlfriend already.” Rose looks just about ready to die.

Rose looks like she’s about to yell at you, but Kanaya speaks first, saving your sorry ass for now. “Rose, perhaps it would be best to just...do it? Your brother does not seem to be willing to back out, so it simply seems like the fastest solution.”

If Rose looked ready to die before, then by now, she’s actually dead. She’s forgotten about you, at least for now. Her eyes are locked on Kanaya’s as she nods.

You can feel secondhand embarrassment as you watch the two stare at each other, both seeming unsure what to do. From somewhere behind you, you hear Karkat yell, “Kiss her already!” And without missing a beat, Kanaya leans right in and presses her lips to Rose’s.

The kiss is short and chaste, merely a touch of lips to lips, but both girls pull away looking like a pair of blushing virgins afterwards, eyeing each other with these little smiles. Maybe you were wrong about this plan failing.

“Oh fuck yes, you guys are so cute, I now pronounce you in lesbians with each other, congratulations. Now please never ask me to be the sperm donor for your lesbian baby, that would be weird.”

Almost instantly, you regret speaking. Rose’s attention snaps back to you, and you’re ready to dodge, because even while flustered, your sister looks ready to stab a bitch.

She shifts, and you turn, about to start running. Perhaps you could get her to chase you around the christmas tree or something to stall your inevitable demise. But you don't get far; you take a step, and then suddenly, there's a Karkat right in front of you.

Too late, you realise you're still holding the mistletoe high.

Karkat blinks, clearly caught off guard, then glances up at the mistletoe. You’re quick to drop your arm, and for a moment, you think everything will be okay. It was only there for a few seconds, and no one’s going to call you out on anything, and you can all go on acting like nothing ever happened.

Then your sister steps forward, wearing the smuggest smirk you’ve ever seen, and lifts your hand back up, making the mistletoe hang between you and Karkat once more. “Oh no, brother. It’s mistletoe. Guess you guys gotta smooch. After all, _mistletoe kisses are one of the four cornerstones of romance.”_

This _bitch._

You glance at Karkat, whose face is going steadily redder. You swear to god, you’d be completely calm and collected right now if it weren’t for how flustered he looked, holy fuck, this was ridiculous. “Listen, we don’t actually have to kiss if you want to. Like, I get that you’re the romance guy, and mistletoe kisses are supposed to be really important and romantic or whatever, but like, I’m pretty sure it’s only romantic if you actually want to do it, so, yeah. Absolutely no pressure. Like, say the word and I’ll just drop the mistletoe and run. Or don’t say anything. You’ll get the same result. No need to speak or not speak or anything. I’ll just-”

Sometimes, you really wish you knew how to shut yourself up.

Turns out, you don’t need to.

Before you can continue rambling, Karkat rises onto his toes, pressing his lips to yours. You're pretty sure you're supposed to hear angels singing, or at least the P Buddy remix of Weak When Ur Around as you kiss him back. But instead, you blink, stunned, but don’t have time to return the action before he’s pulling back. Everything in your body is telling you to chase his lips, but you force yourself to stay still, staring at him in stunned silence. His face is bright red by now. He opens his mouth to speak, then snaps it shut, hurrying back to the tree. You stare after him for a moment, before pressing the mistletoe into Rose’s hand and trailing after him.

He’s made himself busy decorating the tree, and refuses to look at you. You silently help, occasionally stealing glances at him. He never looks back. The longer it goes on, the more worried you feel. Did you do something wrong? Why is he trying so hard to avoid you?

“Uh, hey, Karkat, is-”

“Here.” He instantly cuts off your question, shoving a star-shaped tree topper into your hands. He still isn’t quite looking at you. “We’re going to have to take it off again tomorrow because my cousin likes to be the one to put it up, but...you can do it for now.”

You stare at the ornament in your hands, then back up at Karkat, who’s made himself very busy arranging the presents under the tree. You heave a sigh and decide to leave him alone. Nodding, you inch closer to the tree to rise onto your toes and carefully place the topper.

No one speaks for the next few minutes, simply focusing on decorating. After a while though, Karkat mumbles something about time and you all head into the kitchen, switching out with your other friends.

It's pretty quiet in the kitchen too; as per Karkat’s request, Kanaya is showing you what to do. You kind of wish that he'd show you himself, but he's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to talk to you or interact with you right now. It's an uneventful few hours as you all cook, washing utensils as you go. When it gets late enough, you order pizza again and watch movies as you eat. You take turns showering and getting ready for bed and soon enough, you find yourself back on the couch. It's harder to sleep this time. You keep thinking about the kiss, about how Karkat avoided you like the plague afterwards. What did you do wrong? Clearly, you did something, or everything would be okay now, right?

You're not sure how long you lie awake there before you hear someone entering the room. You sit up and glance around in the darkness, reaching uncertainly for your shades. Then you hear the whisper.

“Dave? Are you awake?” It's Karkat's voice. Why is he talking to you now?

“...Yeah. Is something wrong?”

You don’t bother to put your shades back on as Karkat sits next to you on the couch; it’s too dark for him to make out your eyes. He’s silent for a moment, and you’re about to encourage him to speak when he does so anyway. “...Can I sleep here with you again?”

What?

That was probably the last thing you’d expected him to say. You’re not even sure how to respond. He takes your silence as an invitation to justify his question. “Just, I can’t sleep, and sleeping with you helped last night, and before that too, so I thought it might help again now.”

Again, you’re silent. You won’t lie to yourself, at least; it was nice holding him while you slept. But you’d told his dad that it wouldn’t happen again, and you’re pretty sure Gamzee already wants nothing more for Christmas than to brain you. Finally, you sigh, getting to your feet and trailing into the kitchen. Karkat’s right behind you.

“No, Karkat. It was the milk and honey that helped you sleep last night, and you were exhausted the other time; you would have fallen asleep without me.”

You can barely see Karkat frowning in the darkness as you grab a mug, milk and honey, mixing everything and popping them into the microwave. “But-”

“No buts, Kar. I don’t need your dad to hate me. Just drink the thing when it’s done and go to sleep, okay?”

“I-”

“I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.” You pause to glance at him. He’s clearly not happy. You sigh, then press a kiss to his forehead, ruffling his hair and returning to the couch. You don’t hear him following you, which is a blessing, since your face is probably burning a million degrees right now. After maybe a minute, you hear the microwave ding, then open, then soft footsteps fading away as Karkat returns to his room.

You’re fucking screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsSFo1YLjoo)
> 
> I have no clue if this is an improvement from last week's chapter but oh well. Hope you like it anyway. Your comments are my lifeblood.


	23. Merry Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s early as fuck, Dave. No one else is up yet, and we’re not opening presents or anything until they do. Go back to sleep.”  
> “Damn, merry Christmas to you too.” You get to your feet, trailing behind the other.   
> “...Yeah. Merry Christmas.” You can totally hear a smile in his voice. He’s so easy to read. It never ceases to blow your mind.

Without a certain boy in your arms to dull your alertness, you find that your light sleeping habits  return as expected. It was actually stupid how much he calms you, he even helps you feel comforted when you’re literally asleep. You’re not even sure if that makes logical sense, but it sure is a fact.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re in way too deep with Karkat.

And speak of the devil. Or think, you suppose. He’s what pulls you back to consciousness; you hear muted footsteps drawing nearer. You groan, stretch your back, grab your shades and pop them on your face before peering in the direction of the sound. And there’s Karkat, bedheaded and shuffling off to the kitchen with an empty mug in his hand and a tired look on his face.

“...’Sup?” you greet, accidentally startling him so much that he actually jumps. Fortunately, he manages to keep a firm grasp on the mug. His gaze focuses on you and he frowns.

“...I thought you were still sleeping.”

You shrug, sitting up. It feels awkward for you to stare up at him like that. Especially because you usually have to look down at him. “Yeah, well, guess you thought wrong.”

He shakes his head, heaving a sigh as he continues his trek to the kitchen. “It’s early as fuck, Dave. No one else is up yet, and we’re not opening presents or anything until they do. Go back to sleep.”

“Damn, merry Christmas to you too.” You get to your feet, trailing behind the other. He rolls his eyes and sets his mug down as he begins brewing coffee.

“...Yeah. Merry Christmas.” You can totally hear a smile in his voice. He’s so easy to read. It never ceases to blow your mind.

You lean back against the counter, eyeing him curiously. He kinda looks exhausted. It’s weird; he’d slept so well last time. Didn’t the milk and honey help him? “So, um...did you sleep okay?”

He sighs, turning to look at you while the coffee maker hums. “No, not really. I actually, uh, couldn’t sleep. But I mean, it’s whatever, I’m used to it.”

You frown at that, remembering how he’d asked to stay with you last night and how you’d turned him down. You feel kind of guilty about that now. Maybe you could have helped if you’d been there, if only by making sure he was comfortable. “Well, I mean, like you said, no one else is awake. You could try to get a bit of shut eye now? I’ll even stay with you, um, if you want?”

He stares at you for a moment, eyebrows raised in surprise, then gives you this uncertain little half-smile and shakes his head. “Thanks for the offer, but it doesn’t really make sense now. Everyone will be up soon enough. Besides, I’ve already gotten started on making my coffee, and it’d be a real shame to let it go cold. But I mean, if you’re not going back to sleep either, we could just hang out until everyone else wakes up?”

“Oh. I mean, yeah, we can do that. That sounds nice. I mean, like, two bros getting some quality, one on one bro bonding time. Or, uh. Bronding. Yeah.” Jesus, you sound like an idiot.

Karkat looks away, busying himself by pouring his coffee and mixing in sugar and milk. “Right. Yeah. We’ll do...that.” He doesn’t sound very happy. What did you say wrong this time? It was probably the bronding thing. Fuck.

“Great. So, um. I’ll head to the living room, get the couch warmed up. Uh. See you in a bit.”

You quickly abscond before you can make yourself look like an even bigger idiot. What the fuck were you doing back there? What were you talking about? ‘Bronding’? Really? And if making yourself sound like a complete and total douche wasn’t bad enough, you _also_ had to go and say something to upset him. You’re not even sure what it was, exactly.

You plop yourself onto the couch with a quiet groan. To be fair, you don’t think you’ve ever spent this much time back to back with anyone other than John, Jade, and Rose. Your brain is short circuiting and making you say this stupid shit. You and Rose are planning on heading home tomorrow morning, so you just have to make it until then without totally humiliating yourself.

Karkat’s out not long later, sitting silently next to you. For probably the first time in your life, words aren’t coming to you. But sitting in silence like this is going to drive you insane. You can hear The Quiet by Troye Sivan echoing in your head. “...So, um. Dinner tonight’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, sure, it’ll be...something. Looking forward to meeting everyone?” He stares at you, taking a sip of his coffee.

Oh. Right. You’d almost forgotten that you had meeting the extended Vantas clan to look forward to. You’re already getting nervous. “Yeah, totally. Man, I can’t wait to meet uncle Bill and aunt Linda. Not to mention cousin Timmy. And your great grand-aunt Gertrude? Man, I’m gonna woo that sweet little old lady so hard that her frozen heart will melt and she’ll want nothing more than to pinch my cheeks all night.”

Karkat snorts, but indulges you, even playing along. “But Dave, grand-aunt Gertrude hasn’t even smiled in over a decade. It’s rumored that any show of joy from her is a sign of the end-times.”

“Aw, man, I’m sorry to hear that, but I can’t help it. You know how charming I am. Old people just find me irresistible.”

That one was enough to get Karkat to laugh and shake his head. You’re not sure if you should feel proud or offended. “Probably because you refer to them as _old people._ I bet they _love_ that.”

You wink at him behind your shades, then remember he can’t see your eyes and risk slinging an arm around his shoulders instead. He raises and eyebrow and stares skeptically at you. “You know it, babe. Your family’s gonna love me. There’s no doubt that they’ll approve of the wedding.”

Again, Karkat cracks up, this time elbowing you slightly in the side. “Just remember to pay the bride price, dumbass.” He settles back against the couch, your arm still around his shoulders. There’s this little lingering smile on his face that he’s drinking his coffee around. This time, when silence falls again, it’s a comfortable one.

As Karkat had predicted, it wasn’t long before everyone was up. Within half an hour, you’re all gathered around the Christmas tree with toast and jam and assorted beverages. And then the present exchanging begins.

You’d only brought presents for Karkat, Terezi and Rose. Honestly, you’re not super close with Karkat’s friends, though you don’t have a problem with most of them either. Predictably, Karkat winds up with the most presents out of everyone gathered, and he looks very smug about it. You got presents from the same people that you gave presents to. Rose got the least amount of presents (one) which is understandable, since she knows the fewest number of people. Based off of overheard snippets of conversation, though, you can infer that she and Kanaya had already exchanged gifts, which, of course, they had both loved and appreciated and found marvelous and serviceable and all those other fancy lesbian words.

Everyone’s kind of doing their own thing for now, opening gifts and thanking their senders. You may as well do the same. You decide to open Rose’s present first. First of all, you feel the need to point out that Rose is the most extra person you’ve ever known; she’s put whatever she’s gotten you in a lilac gift bag, tied the top with some fancy, lacy ribbon, and stuffed it with white paper. When you reach in for the present, you first find a handwritten letter done in fancy calligraphy that you’re ninety percent sure she sprayed with perfume. What the fuck, Rose.

When you get through the theatrics and finally find the actual gift, you’re relieved to see it isn’t fueled by passive-aggressive irony. It’s a hand-knitted sweater, with a near perfect rendering of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff’s faces bam smack in the middle of it. Aw man, it had been forever since you’d actually worked on that piece of shit. Now you’d remember to update it every time you looked at this sweater. Or, you’d at least think about updating it.

You glance over at your sister. She’s still talking to Kanaya, but she catches your gaze and gives you this little knowing smirk. Yeah, okay, even if you love the present, there’s no way you’re going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that. You stick your tongue out at her and put the sweater aside, even as you silently promise yourself to put it on the second she’s not looking.

Moving on. You grab Terezi’s present next. It was some box badly wrapped in white paper and covered in her own shitty drawings. Yeah. She’d find that hilarious.

You carefully tear off the wrapping paper, revealing a shoebox. Good god, this was a joke right, please say Terezi didn’t actually get you glittery platform sandals, this isn’t even your size, Terezi, _no._

Oh.

Fortunately, there were no shoes in the box. There’re a few issues of some vintage comic with some blonde douche on all the covers. Flipping through them, you can see that she’s drawn over all of the characters with telltale signs of your friends. It makes sense that she’d find that funny. Honestly, you think it’s funny too. You put the box aside, making a note to read those when you have the time.

That leaves Karkat’s present. It’s kind of heavy, and wrapped in this green and red striped Christmas wrapping paper. You tear it open, and blink down at the book in your lap: _How to Photograph Everything._

You had mentioned once in passing that you had been into photography when you were younger, but you hadn’t thought he’d really been listening. You definitely hadn’t thought that he’d remember it or even think it was relevant. Hell, _you_ hadn’t thought it was relevant. You hadn’t been actively taking pictures in years. You hadn’t realized how much you’d missed it.

You look over at Karkat just in time to see him opening your present. He looks confused for a moment, then he grins, and suddenly, he’s laughing. Good then; the liked it. He pulls out the mug you got him and shows it to Gamzee - it’s pink, and floral, and in white cursive, says ‘Go eat a bag of dicks’. He glances over at you, and you two exchange little nods of thanks.

The gift opening goes on for a bit longer before everyone starts drifting off to get dressed for the day of cooking. Because, apparently, you didn’t do enough of that yesterday. You’re working with Terezi this time while Kanaya works with Rose on salad and finger foods. Meanwhile, Karkat fucking Crocker is off baking cookies and Christmas cake. Is there anything that boy _can’t_ do?

You know it’s been a few hours, but it doesn’t feel like long before people are excusing themselves to go get ready for dinner. Soon enough, you’re gone too, and finally, the guests begin arriving.

Honestly, despite the way you’d been joking around with Karkat earlier, being surrounded by so many strangers has you feeling pretty on edge. It doesn’t help that you’re left pretty much on your own. Everyone here knows someone else to talk to. Even Rose has run off to meet Kanaya’s family.

You find a secluded corner in the living room and make yourself comfortable there. You keep catching yourself scanning the room like you’re looking for threats; a habit you developed pretty early on. Every time you find yourself doing it, you tell yourself to stop, but you suppose old habits die hard.

When you’re not being completely paranoid, you often find your gaze on Karkat. For the most part, he’s mingling with his family with this little forced smile, but he seems to be looking for someone. He keeps looking at the door whenever more people arrive, so you guess whoever it is isn’t here yet.

You’d say it’s been maybe an hour and a half since the first of the guests arrived when Karkat approaches you, a genuine grin on his face. He’s holding some kid’s hand, a little boy maybe five years old, with this dark skin and mess of curly hair and big black eyes.

“Dave, there you are.” Jesus, you don’t think you’ve ever seen Karkat looking so happy. “I wanted to introduce you to someone. This is my cousin, William Vantas.” The kid whines, and Karkat quickly adds, “But we call him Mayor.”

Evidently, Mayor is now satisfied with his introduction and turns his gaze to you expectantly. You nod. “‘Sup, lil man?” He doesn’t quite reply, but grins and nods back.

“He’s not much of a talker.” Karkat explains. “Hey, can you come with us for a sec? We have something to show you. You’re gonna love it, I promise.”

With two pairs of big, hopeful eyes staring at you, you can’t say no. Not that you would have anyway. You nod and get to your feet. “Yeah, sure. Lead the way.”

Mayor takes your hand in his free one, leaving no room for protest as he tugs both of you along. You shoot Karkat a questioning look, but he just shakes his head, still beaming excitedly. He’s either really looking forward to showing you whatever it is he’s about to show you or he really loves this kid. Maybe both.

The pair pull you along to some room you haven’t been in yet. It looks like some sort of storage closet until they get you inside.

It probably _was_ intended to be a storage closet, but instead, it’s been completely changed. There are chalk drawings all over the walls and floors, and everywhere you look, there are buildings made out of everyday objects like empty cans and books. For something put together by a five year old and a single teenage boy, it’s actually pretty impressive.

Karkat turns to grin at you. “Welcome to Can Town.”

Mayor makes this happy little squealing noise and tugs you further into the room, running around and pointing out all of the structures to you. It occurs to you that this is probably where the nickname ‘Mayor’ came from. This is his town. He still refuses to speak, though, which means Karkat has to tell you what everything is.

Once he’s given you a full tour of the facilities, Mayor shoves a piece of blue chalk into your hand and points towards the top of the walls, where the blue colouring leaves off. You guess he and Karkat couldn’t reach that high before. “Oh man, am I being recruited to help make Can Town even bigger and better than it already is?” Mayor gives you this very authoritative nod, and you can’t help but grin. He’s a cute little tyke. “Aw man, I won’t let you down, Mayor. This is the best day of my life, oh my god.” Mayor grins and nods, then runs off to draw something on the floor.

Karkat approaches you, his smile lingering. “...So? What do you think?”

You look around the room once more before returning your gaze to him. “I think it’s fucking amazing. And I want Mayor to be my son.”

He laughs and nudges your arm, grinning. “I’m already his dad. Sorry to disappoint.”

You shrug, trying to keep it casual. “I’ll be his stepdad then, after you go through that messy divorce.”

Karkat laughs again, shaking his head. “You’re fucking ridiculous, Strider. But I guess we’ll have to see what happens.” With that, he saunters off to join Mayor. You can’t help but stare as you wonder just that: what _will_ happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vykVdJDu28A)
> 
> Not edm, but I actually love it and thought it was pretty fitting, so. Also, [this](https://ctl.s6img.com/society6/img/6OMhS8gt7DSwPW1oEXoHwHTv32c/h_550,w_550/coffee-mugs/small/right/greybg/~artwork,fw_4603,fh_2001,iw_4598,ih_2000/s6-original-art-uploads/society6/uploads/misc/2a8947ce39844e44afe5b4ae08b8dbd5/~~/pretty-swery-eat-a-bag-of-dcks-mugs.jpg) is p much what Dave got Karkat. Suits him, I think.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!


	24. Not Much to Say

Other than the hour or so you all spent actually getting and eating the Christmas dinner you had slaved over for two whole days (honestly, it was worth it, it came out really really good), you, Karkat, and Mayor spent pretty much the entire Christmas party in that little storage room working on Can Town. But, of course, all good things had an end or something. Mayor eventually had to leave with his actual parents who weren’t Karkat and you, Karkat had to go say goodbye to his relatives as they left, and soon enough, everyone’s off to bed.

Your name is Dave Strider, and your time here is finally up. 

You don’t think you’ve ever wanted to leave somewhere less. Sure, things with Karkat had gotten kind of weird from time to time, you’re pretty sure his dad doesn’t like you very much, and you were starting to get uncomfortable hanging around Gamzee, but for the most part, things were good here. You didn’t want things to go back to normal yet.

You’re not sure how long you’ve been asleep before the sound of someone shuffling into the room shakes you awake, but when you open your eyes, you can make out the sunrise through the window. You groan, grabbing your shades and sitting up, scanning the room once your eyes have been concealed. You’re not surprised to make out a small, bed-headed figure slumping into the kitchen. You stand and stretch before shuffling in after him.

As expected, Karkat’s already getting the coffee going, turning and jumping slightly as he sees you. “ _Jesus Christ,_ Dave,” he hisses, clutching his chest dramatically. You roll your eyes and approach, leaning against the counter across from him. “Don’t fucking sneak up on me like that. I thought you were asleep?”

“I’m so sorry your highness, I’ll make sure I stomp everywhere I go like you from now on.” You cross your arms, looking him over. He looks pretty tired; the bags under his eyes are starting to get dark again. “Yeah, I was asleep, I just woke up. I take it you’ve been awake for a while, though.”

He looks away, seeming almost guilty as he fiddles with the coffee maker. “I got a bit of sleep.”

You raise an eyebrow skeptically, TOITO’s FOOL playing in your head like a warning. “Uh huh. And how much is ‘a bit’ exactly?”

He makes himself busy pouring himself a mug of coffee as he responds. “Oh. Y’know. A good, like, half hour or so.”

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Karkat, put the coffee down and go back to bed.” He holds your gaze as he brings his new mug to his lips and takes a sip. “ _Karkat._ You need to sleep.” You glance at the clock on the wall behind him. “It’s only, like, five thirty. You have a few hours before anyone else is up.”

He rolls his eyes, obviously unimpressed. “Oh, wow, really? I hadn’t realized. In that case, I’ll just stop being an insomniac and get to bed.” He huffs, taking a few more sips of coffee. “Listen, Dave, thanks for worrying. It’s sweet of you, really. But this is something I’ve been dealing with for years, and I can’t just will it away like that. I know how to handle it, but I’ll be fine.”

You stare at him, and he meets your gaze evenly. Sometimes, you feel like he can see right through your shades; he always seems to be able to find your eyes. You reach up to make sure your eyes are properly hidden before sighing and giving in. “Yeah, okay, fine. Sorry for being ignorant or whatever. I’m just kind of worried about you.”

“I know you are.” Karkat’s tone has softened. He shakes his head, finishing the rest of his coffee before pouring another mug, this time taking the time to add milk and sugar before even taking a sip. “I do appreciate it, but…” He shrugs, not finishing the thought, but he doesn’t have to. You get it.

It vaguely occurs to you that this won’t be happening anymore. You’re going home now; you won’t be able to wake up at odd hours and talk to Karkat. That thought makes you more sad than it probably should. “...So hey, since we’re both up anyway, you want to just like, hang out or something?”

A slight smile fights its way onto his face - you can see him failing to repress it. “Yeah, sure. I mean, if you’re sure you don’t want to try to get back to sleep.”

“Nah, I’m good.” You shrug casually, ignoring the warm feeling spreading through your chest. “I’d rather hang out with you before I have to go.” Karkat doesn’t bother trying to hide his smile now. He grins at you, nodding before cleaning up the kitchen and leaving the room to get settled on the couch. You follow close behind him and sit maybe a bit closer than is strictly necessary, though he doesn’t protest.

“...So, um, do you have any plans for the rest of the break?” Karkat’s very pointedly not looking at you as he speaks. Instead, he’s staring at the coffee table, mug raised to his lips despite not drinking.

You watch him uncertainly as you reply. “Not really? I mean, Rose is staying until the second of January I think, so I’ll probably hang out with her, but it’s not like we’ve discussed anything. Why, what’s up?”

Karkat exhales into his coffee before his eyes dart to you. You think he might be blushing, but it’s hard to be sure in the darkness. “I was just thinking we should hang out some more before we head back to school. I don’t know, catch a movie or something.”

“Oh.” You go silent. Does he mean as a date, or a friend thing? He kissed you before, does that mean he was interested? No, you’d been under mistletoe, that was probably the only reason he’d done it. Maybe you should ask and make sure? Then again, if it turns out it’s not a date, then you’ll just feel like a total idiot. Fuck, you need to say something. “...Yeah. Sure. That, uh, sounds cool.” Nice.

Evidently, it’s good enough for Karkat, who visibly relaxes and finally takes a sip of his coffee. “Cool. Great. Um, I’ll message you the details on pesterchum later.”

“Yeah. Great.” The two of you continue with this not at all awkward or uncomfortable small talk for the next few hours. One by one, your other friends wake up, interrupt, and make a fiasco out of breakfast. Before you know it, it’s noon, your bags are packed, and you’re standing at the door with your sister and Karkat.

“And you guys are sure you have everything?” he asks for probably the tenth time.

You roll your eyes behind your shades, barely suppressing an amused smile. “Yes, Karkat.”

It’s clear from the look he shoots you that he knows you’re mocking him, and you can’t help but laugh now. “Alright, fine, I’ll stop bugging you, but if you get home and realize you left your phone charger or something, don’t come crying to me. You’ll just have to go without it until I happen to see you again.”

You won’t deny that the fact that ‘when I happen to see you again’ might be pretty soon makes you a bit happier than it probably should. You relax, smile, and nod. “Relax, okay? We have everything.”

Satisfied with your response, Karkat’s expression goes from annoyed to content. “...If you’re sure. I’ll message you later.”

You nod, give one last round of goodbyes to the people still here (a grand total of Gamzee and Terezi), and head out into the snow with Rose.

She doesn’t miss a beat to start meddling. “So, what were you and Karkat talking about on the couch this morning?” When you glance at her, you can see her staring at you with an amused smirk.

“Nothing that would interest you, I’m sure,” you lie. You’re pretty sure your sister would have a field day analysing the implications of your earlier conversation. Implications that may or may not mean anything at all.

“On the contrary, brother dearest, I find myself very interested.” She’s looking at you like a snake, and like hell are you going to let her spring on you.

“I’d rather talk about you and Kanaya.” It doesn’t escape your notice that her cheeks are immediately tinged with pink, and that’s just from hearing them mentioned together. “I mean, you two seem pretty close. Especially after that little kiss. You’re welcome for that, by the way.”

She clears her throat, looking away from you now. “I know that whole thing was Karkat’s idea, not yours.” She huffs, staring determinedly ahead. “Though I won’t deny that Kanaya and I are certainly closer as a result. It was nice.” She’s got this dreamy little smile on her face, but she quickly changes it into a self-satisfied smirk when she realizes you’re looking. “I’d imagine something similar happened with you and your boyfriend?” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

“Uh, no, incorrect, ma’am. Karkat didn’t even talk to me for pretty much the whole day after that little stunt, okay? And just because he tried to get closer later on, doesn’t mean that it had anything to do with the fact that I literally just told you everything you wanted to hear, didn’t I, Jesus fuck.”

Rose laughs, and you know your face must be pretty fucking red by now. You know you won’t be able to brush it off as the cold either. Good thing you’re almost back home, where you’ll be able to act like this conversation never happened. If she lets you. “Not to mention the fact that you didn’t deny it when I called him your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Oh, it’s too late for that, Dave.” She laughs again, shaking her head before trying to speak a bit more seriously. “Now, when you say he ‘tried’ to get closer to you, what do you-”

“I shot him down,” you groan. There’s no point in trying to keep it a secret from her, and if you’re being honest, you kind of want someone to whine about it to. “I’m such a fucking idiot, he asked to share the couch with me and I told him no. I totally panicked and fucked up.”

Rose hums, which is really infuriating because it could mean pretty much anything from ‘you’re overreacting’ to ‘he’ll probably never want to talk to you again’. “But he didn’t hold it against you?”

“No? Yes? I don’t fucking...I kissed him on the head, and then it was super weird in the morning, but at the party he was acting like nothing was wrong. Then this morning he asked me to hang out sometime and I have no clue if he meant as bros or as a date, Rose, what do I _do?”_

“Well, the first thing you need to do is calm down.” You can hear that amusement in her voice, and you take a moment to compose yourself. You’re not letting her get the satisfaction of this. “Now, if Karkat still wants to even hang around you after all the mixed signals you’ve bombarded him with, then he certainly has some strong feelings for you. How about this; Kanaya and I were also discussing going out before we return to school. Perhaps you and Karkat should come with us. That way, if he meant for it to be a date, it would simply become a double date, and if he meant as friends, then you two would essentially be our chaperones. And if things become awkward between the two of you, Kanaya and I will be there to diffuse the tension.”

Honestly, it’s not a terrible idea, but you still make a face as you walk into your apartment building, starting up the stairs. “Ew, no way, I’m not going on a double date with my sister and her girlfriend. You two are so in lesbians I’ll end up catching the lesbian just from being in contact with you guys for so long.”

Rose shoots you an annoyed look even as another wave of colour flares up in her cheeks. “Dave, you very well know that that is not how it works. Kanaya isn’t even my girlfriend yet.”

“Yet?” It’s your turn to wiggle your eyebrows, and grin when her face goes even redder. “Spill the tea, Lalonde.”

She sighs, but there’s no denying the smile that’s still on her face. “We have both acknowledged that there are some feelings between us, but we want to make sure we are comfortable being an official ‘couple’ before we progress. The purpose of our upcoming date is just that; to see how comfortable we are acting as a couple.”

Honestly? You’re happy for your sister. It’s clear how much she likes Kanaya, and how happy Kanaya makes her. You’re glad things are working out. You wrap an arm around her shoulders and offer a genuine smile. “Congratulations. I hope the date goes well.”

“Thank you, Dave.” Rose smiles at you, and she actually looks like a normal, happy teenager. You don’t know the last time she looked like that.

The happiness is short lived.

The moment you step into your apartment, you know you’re not alone. And sure enough, a brief glance around shows the apartment’s one other occupant, leaning on the wall outside the kitchen, hat and shades in place. You swallow, your throat dry.

“Hey, Bro.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNycsLTrhI4)
> 
> I'm not sure if I made this clear before, but Dirk and Bro are different people, I'm just an idiot and named both of them Dirk. I'll probably go back and change that, so if Bro has a different name in the next chapter, that's why.
> 
> Announcement, I have a tumblr for my fics now! I have for a while, actually, I just forgot to say so. Oops. I'll be announcing new chapters, sharing important updates, and also posting art or headcanons there. if you want to show me something, you can do it there, or if you have questions/requests for future fics, leave me an ask! You can find it [Here.](https://lilithwiththefanfics.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated!


	25. Strife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’ve been gone for a few days,” he starts, voice flat and stripped of any emotion. Sometimes you wonder if he’s even capable of emotion. Sometimes you wonder if people think that about you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Bro Strider (Physical abuse, sexism, blood)

You instinctively shift so that you’re standing slightly in front of Rose. Even though you and Bro are both wearing shades, you can feel the eye contact you’re making jolt through you like electricity. No one moves. No one speaks. You could cut the tension in the air with one of your brother’s shitty anime swords.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you hadn’t told Bro you’d be going out.

Fuck.

Rose is the one to break the silence. She does it with all of her usual grace and dignity, stepping out from behind you and nodding at your brother in greeting. “Broderick. You’re looking quite well.”

He doesn’t so much as spare her a glance. It’s always been like that, as far as you can remember. He’s never paid much attention to the girls, always choosing instead to be extra hard on you and Dirk. When you were little, you had thought it was because he was training the boys to be strong; girls didn’t need to be strong like boys did. You know better than that now.

“You’ve been gone for a few days,” he starts, voice flat and stripped of any emotion. Sometimes you wonder if he’s even capable of emotion. Sometimes you wonder if people think that about you.

Your walls are up by the time you reply. It doesn’t take any real effort to keep your face blank and reply in the same monotone he’d spoken to you in; you’d been doing this all your life, after all. “Well, y’know. Just following in the footsteps of my big bro.”

The slight twitch in his left eyebrow is the only thing that betrays the fact that he’s not happy with that answer. Silence settles back down like an uncomfortably wet blanket before he speaks again, words worse than the silence before it. “How’s your little friend doing? The cute short ‘un with the messy hair and big eyes.”

You flinch slightly at the question, not responding. He’s talking about Karkat, no doubt about it. Does he know that’s where you’ve been?

Whether or not he does, he’s displeased with your lack of an answer. He frowns, jerking his chin towards the door. “C’mon. Roof.”

Rose attempts to interject. “Broderick, this is hardly the weather for-”

“Oi. What’ve I told you? Seen, not heard. Scram.” Bro takes his eyes off of you for just a second, shooting a look of warning to Rose. She does not scram, glaring up at your eldest brother in silent fury. You all know that she can’t physically hurt him, and isn’t going to try, but if looks could kill, Bro would be in his coffin right now.

Much to the relief of anyone who’s ever had the misfortune of meeting him.

Bro’s gaze is back on you now, more intense than before. You swallow, shrugging off your coat and flashstepping to your room to grab your sword before returning. You know from experience that trying to say ‘no’ would only make it that much worse.

Bro leaves the apartment first. After shooting Rose an apologetic look, you follow. It’s a silent and uncomfortable trek up to the roof. You’re pretty sure he’s walking slowly in front of you instead of flashstepping on purpose, just to make you anticipate what’s going to happen when you run out of stairs.

It’s working.

By the time you get to the top of the stairs, you’re an anxious wreck. You already know you’re going to lose. You always lose. It’s just a question of how bad he’s going to beat you down.

Bro leads you out onto the roof. It’s not snowing anymore, but there’s most definitely snow and ice present. The cold bites right through your clothes. You’re at a serious disadvantage here; your biggest strength is speed, but there was no point in being able to run if you were just going to slide all over the place.

Your brother walks over the ice like it’s normal concrete and turns to face you, unsheathing his katana. You can tell already that he’s going to be hard on you today. You unsteadily approach, unsheathing your sword and taking up a defensive stance. He does the same, and for a moment, everything is still.

Then he strikes.

He brings his sword downwards in an arc, a blow that would at the very least leave a potentially fatal wound if it lands. Fortunately, it doesn’t; you manage to duck out of the way without slipping on the ice, attempting to drive a blow into his now exposed side, but he easily glides out of your reach. So that’s how he’s doing it today. No mercy run.

He bolts towards you again, and you sidestep, just barely slow enough for him to nick your arm. A second slower, and it would have been a lot more serious. You duck, bracing a hand on the ground and swinging a leg in an attempt to knock Bro’s out from under him, but he’s too far ahead of you. He stomps down on your leg before you can kick him, and you struggle not to cry out as pain shoots through it. It’s not broken, but might be fractured, and is definitely going to make this bullshit that much harder.

You flinch as you scramble back onto your feet; staying on the ground would be a bad idea. Besides, the hand that had been supporting you is nearly numb with cold.

Bro’s facing you again by the time you’re back up. He charges at you, sword drawn back. He’s going to drive it forwards, then. You sidestep, only for Bro to instead swing his katana in a wide arc. You swear and scramble to back up, but it’s too late. The blade bites into your side, and it’s only your instinct to bring your own sword down to block that stops it from going too deep and doing some serious damage.

You manage to push his sword away, but he doesn’t even give you a second to check your injury before moving right back in. You’re on the defensive now, blocking blow after harsh blow until your arms are aching and your bad leg is ready to give out. The Jerry Folk remix of Lose It is playing in your head on loop, at the worst possible time. The only thought in your head is that you can’t win, you can’t, so you just have to try to keep on your feet until Bro decides he’s bored of this. You’ve suffered a few more nicks since the start of the fight - two on your left arm and one on your right thigh - but the most serious injuries are still the fractured left leg, which you can feel swelling, and the cut in your right side, which you can’t really feel at all now. You pretend that that’s because of the cold.

If Bro’s tired, he doesn’t show it; he hasn’t slowed down at all. You sidestep a jab to your left, duck under a wide sweep, block a swing with your sword.

Unfortunately for you, Bro had been anticipating that last move. He twists his katana as it makes contact with your blade, forcing you to drop the sword, which he kicks to the other side of the roof.

Even when you’re weaponless, Bro doesn’t falter. He brings his sword down in a move similar to how this whole thing started. You don’t have time to dodge, so you tense up and instinctively throw both arms over your head to protect anything vital. Less than a second later you can feel the blade digging into your skin.

You can’t help the short cry of pain that leaves you then. Bro doesn’t like that. Real men don’t show pain, or don’t feel it, or whatever fucked up bullshit logic he always tried to use on you and Dirk.

He sheathes his katana by his side, and for a second, you hope it’s over, only for that hope to be dashed when he delivers a roundhouse kick to your face. Apparently, he’s just decided that he doesn’t need a weapon to beat you down.

He’s right. You stumble, fall. You don’t have time to get back up again - or maybe you don’t have the strength to do it - before he’s bringing his foot up into your stomach. You cough, feeling something wet on your lips. When you look down, all you can see is red against the iced over ground. Bright scarlet on pale white. Your vision swims.

Luckily for you, Bro’s finally grown tired of this. He halfheartedly pushes you over with his foot, mumbles something about going out, and then he’s gone, leaving you alone on the roof.

You’re not sure how long you’re up there before you remember Rose is still in the apartment, probably waiting for you. You force yourself onto your feet with a pained groan and begin your trek down the stairs.

It doesn’t feel like too long before you’re stepping back into the apartment, trying not to stumble. Sure enough, there’s Rose, sitting in the living room with a first aid kit in her lap. She doesn’t look surprised at the state you’re in, but she _does_ look angry. Angrier than she’s looked in a while. She opens her mouth to say something, but you just shake your head wearily, moving to sit next to her on the futon. Nothing she says now could really change what’s happened.

You’re not sure how you’ve made it even this long without Rose. She gets you into the bathroom to wash out your cuts before somehow getting you back onto the futon to prop your foot up, set an ice pack on it, and help you out of your shirt, now sticky, stained and cut up. She digs through the first aid kit and starts cleaning and stitching the worst of your injuries, namely the ones on your side and arms while you swear quietly. As much as you two love to bicker, you know how to take care of each other when you actually need to.

Your phone starts vibrating in your pocket to alert you of incoming messages, and once Rose is done fussing over your arms, at least, you check them.

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 14:23 --

 

CG: HEY.  
CG: JUST CHECKING TO MAKE SURE YOU GOT HOME ALRIGHT.  
CG: WELL, OKAY, THAT’S THE MAIN REASON, BUT NOT THE ONLY REASON.  
CG: THERE’S THIS MOVIE COMING OUT IN TWO DAYS THAT I ACTUALLY THOUGHT SOUNDED NICE, SO I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD GO TO THAT?  
CG: WE’D CATCH THE PREMIER AND TOTALLY SPOIL IT FOR EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET.  
CG: YOU KNOW YOU’D LOVE THAT.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum! --

 

CG: OH.  
CG: I MEAN, THAT’S FINE, YOU’RE PROBABLY JUST NOT HOME YET.  
CG: JUST HIT ME UP WHEN YOU SEE THESE.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is online! --

 

TG: oh fuck  
TG: the movies  
TG: fuck i completely forgot  
CG: GOOD THING I’M HERE TO REMIND YOU, THEN.  
CG: NEED ME TO REMIND YOU AGAIN ON THE ACTUAL DAY?  
TG: fuck  
TG: karkat im so sorry dont be mad  
CG: YOU’RE CANCELLING.  
TG: no  
TG: fuck  
TG: yeah kind of  
TG: im really sorry something came up and i dont think i can make it  
TG: im sorry  
CG: STOP APOLOGIZING ALREADY.  
CG: I GET IT, YOU’RE BUSY.  
CG: IT’S FINE, I’LL JUST GO WITH GAMZEE OR SOMETHING.  
TG: fuuuck  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: nothing just  
TG: in general  
TG: fuck  
CG: I DON’T GET IT.  
TG: yeah neither do i  
TG: listen im really really sorry about this  
TG: can we take a raincheck and hang out some other time  
CG: SURE.  
CG: I HAVE TO GO.  
CG: TALK TO YOU LATER.  
TG: yeah absolutely  
TG: later

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:47 --

TG: fuck

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhK8Ehv6aPI)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> My only apology is that this chapter's so late. It was hard to write.


	26. Never Gonna Let You Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right, focus. You can do this. “Actually, as nice as it sounds to stare at you for at least twenty-four hours straight, I was gonna ask if you wanted to, like...catch a movie with me or something. I mean, instead of going home to find one alone. It’s always great to have company while you’re watching a movie.”

Rose has never been the doting type, unless you’re hurt. Now, she helicopters around you constantly, going so far as to almost miss her date with Kanaya, until you insist that you’re fine and pretty much kick her out. Predictably, you don’t get to go on your date with Karkat. Which, yeah, you’d expected. That didn’t mean you were happy about it, though.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re starting to really hate living with Bro.

He’s in and out of the house as usual, not paying much attention to you or Rose. You suppose you should be grateful for that. It would be bad if he decided he wanted to strife again and you weren’t better yet.

Karkat invites you over on New Year’s Eve to do the whole countdown celebration thing, but you have to pass. You know you need to rest up and take it easy so you can be in top shape once school starts back. You go to sleep early that night and start the year off asleep. It sucks.

Rose leaves to go back to her fancy boarding school on January second, and you’re back to school on the fifth. That also happens to be the next time you see Karkat again.

You spot him by his locker, packing away all the books he’d brought home for the holidays. You hurry over to him - you’re still limping slightly, but you’re definitely doing much better - and flash him a grin. He glances up at you and returns the smile with one of his own, though it’s much less enthusiastic. He looks tired. You vaguely wonder if he’s slept at all since the last time you saw each other.

“Dude, hey!” You do your best to keep your energy up. Maybe that’ll even be able to cheer him up. “How was the rest of your holiday? Did you get to see that movie?”

Karkat seems slightly surprised, like he didn’t expect you to remember that. “Oh. Yeah, I saw it. I thought it was pretty good, so you probably would have hated it. Good thing you ended up bailing, huh?”

You flinch, and you can see guilt immediately flash across his face before he looks away and goes back to dealing with his locker. You clear your throat uncertainly. “Sorry again about that. I was really looking forward to hanging out with you.”

“Why’d you blow me off, then? You did it again at New Year’s. If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think you’re trying to avoid me.” His dejected tone makes it clear that that’s exactly what he thinks. You have no clue how he got an idea like that into his head, but you know you’ve got to get it out asap.

“It’s a good thing you know better, then. Dude, I _love_ hanging out with you. I thought you knew that.” You lean against the lockers next to him, trying to look nonchalant, even as your heart races. “I couldn’t make it because I fucked up my leg and had to stay in bed for a while. Otherwise I would have definitely been there.” Yeah, you’d fucked up more than just your leg, but you weren’t going to bother him with the gorey details.

He furrows his eyebrows and glances at you, looking somewhere between skeptical and concerned. You know he’s going to need more than that to accept that excuse. You grab the first explanation that comes to mind that wouldn’t draw too much attention to the reality of your...situation.

“Okay, right, so you know how I live on the top floor of this shitty ass apartment building?”

“Yeah…?”

“Right, yeah, so I was kinda skateboarding through the halls and don’t ever do that because it’s dumb and sometimes can result in falling down a couple of flights of stairs.”

Karkat immediately looks absolutely horrified. “Dave!”

“I know, I know. I was warned about the stairs, haha. Funny.”

He just shakes his head, staring at you uncertainly. “That’s not...are you okay? Is it alright for you to be walking around right now?”

Oh. He’s...worried about you? You hadn’t been prepared for that one. “Oh, yeah, I’ll be fine. Just fractured the bone in my left leg. Nothing serious enough for you to worry your pretty little head about.” He looks like he wants to say something, but the warning bell goes off before he can. “Uh, right, well, we should get going. Can’t be late for class on the first day, and all that. See you later, Kar.” You offer him an awkward nod before turning and heading off in the direction of your first class of the new year.

As it turns out, you don’t really need to be worrying about your classes. Time seems to fly by that day, as the only thing on your mind is Karkat. You feel so awful about blowing him off during the holidays. Logically, you know it technically wasn’t entirely your fault, but that doesn’t really help with the guilt. And actually seeing how upset he actually was about the whole thing only made it worse. You’d really let him down.

But maybe you could make it up to him? Since you’d broken the second rule of the sacred rickroll already, you’d try to fulfill everything else. In the name of irony, of course. You’d take this as an opportunity to treat him and show him how sincere you were about wanting to hang out with him, and maybe, if you made it just a _bit_ like a date, you’d be able to clarify if he originally meant the movie hangout that way.

Before you know it, the bell rings, and it’s time to stop thinking and fucking act. You leave your classroom, strolling slowly to Karkat’s locker. No need to make yourself look like a desperate idiot by getting there before he does.

Surely enough, there he is, grabbing the books he’ll need for homework and putting away the ones he won’t. He glances up as you approach, hands falling still. “...Hey, Dave. Something you needed?”

“Oh, uh.” Fuck. You hadn’t anticipated forgetting what words were. But now here you are, staring at his little frown and the way he’s furrowing his eyebrows, and he just looks like a lost puppy and you don’t know how to speak.

“Um, Dave? Seriously, do you want something, or were you just planning on staring at me? Because if it’s the latter, you can go fuck yourself while I head home to do my homework and try to find a half-decent movie to watch.”

You blink. Right, focus. You can do this. “Actually, as nice as it sounds to stare at you for at least twenty-four hours straight, I was gonna ask if you wanted to, like...catch a movie with me or something. I mean, instead of going home to find one alone. It’s always great to have company while you’re watching a movie. Y’know, unless you like, prefer to watch them alone to really get the full cinematic experience or something. Which, I mean, I get that. I can respect that. But I mean, we watched a movie at your house that one time and you asked me to the movies over the holidays so I guess that means you don’t mind watching movies with other people? And sorry again for cancelling last time, but I was hoping this could make up for that, and, uh...yeah.”

“Holy fucking shit, Dave, shut the fuck up.” Karkat’s expression had gone from confused, to amused, to just a bit irritated as you’d rambled, and now - thank whatever god was out there - he was finally shutting you up.  Good; you’d been starting to worry about the fact that you’d been digging yourself into a deeper and deeper hole there.

You nod quickly. “Yes, I’m shutting the fuck up now, the floor is yours.”

Karkat sighs, staring at you in silence for a moment. “You know we’re probably going to end up watching a rom com, and probably one that I’ve already seen.”

“Hey, I don’t mind sitting through a rom com every now and then. And If you don’t mind re-watching one, it should be fine, right?”

“And I assume we’re going to an actual theater, meaning you won’t be able to talk through the movie.”

“I think I can manage to keep my mouth shut for most of it, at least.”

“...You’re serious about this? We’re not gonna get there and have you suddenly remember that you have to be at your brother’s friend’s cousin’s aunt’s wedding or something?”

You sigh, rubbing at your eyes under your shades. “Look, Karkat, I’m really really sorry about bailing on you before. I promise, that isn’t what’s happening here. I’m not going anywhere.”

He studies you in silence. You know you’ve done all you can to get him to forgive you. Now all you can do is hope he accepts your apology and agrees to go out with you. Finally, he nods. “Yeah, sure. I’ll go. Don’t have anything better to do anyway.” You stare in astonishment as he finishes up at his locker before closing it, zipping up his bag, and turning to you. “Come on, then.”

You’re sorely tempted to add on “it’s a date!” like every cliché protagonist ever, but nope, you’re a Strider, you’re unique. Instead, you do a quick check of your bag to make sure you have at least a few of the study materials you might need, then hurry after him.

An awkward silence stretches for, oh, all of a minute before you snap it. “So, seriously, how was the rest of your holiday? Did you watch fireworks on New Years?”

He shrugs slightly, glancing up at you before looking away again. “My holidays were kinda lame, actually. I went to the movies with Gam, but I don’t think he really knew what was going on. I spent some time with Kanaya, since I don’t get to see her often. Neither of them could make it for New Years, though. The fireworks were still nice, I guess.”

You know he isn’t trying to guilt trip you or anything, but you feel pretty bad all the same. It’s not hard to notice how disappointed he sounds. “...For whatever it’s worth, I really do wish I could have been there. Um...maybe we can celebrate New Years together next year?”

He offers a slight smile as he looks up at you, though it’s far from a happy expression. “Next year we’ll both be in college. There’s not guarantee that we’ll both be home for the holidays.”

You go silent. He’s right. You hadn’t thought about that. You doubt Bro’s going to pay any expensive school fees to send you off to college, and Dirk’s already trying to support himself, Roxy and Rose; adding yourself to the lot would be too much for him. You’re probably going to be stuck here for at least a few more years, but Karkat? He’s smart. He could leave and go to some college on the other side of the country. On the off chance that he recognizes this as a date and is willing to actually go out with you, how long would you be able to keep it up after he’s gone? How long until he meets someone smarter and nicer and _better_ than you and leaves you behind?

You attempt to push those worries to the back of your head as the two of you wander into the theater. Those are concerns for another day. You like Karkat a lot, and you want to spend whatever time you have left with him. If he’s not interested in you in that way, well, that solves that problem too. Just in a much more immediately disappointing way.

You rush to break both the silence and your steadily more depressing train of thought. “So, what movie do you want to see?”

Karkat hums in thought, staring up at the list of movies playing today. It gives you a chance to study his face. You really like his face. His round cheeks and big brown eyes and all those freckles. You wonder if you could count them all. You could certainly try.

He looks back to you, seeming to be caught off guard when he finds you already staring at him. You’re about to stutter out an apology or excuse - you’re not sure which; maybe both? - when he quickly averts his eyes and clears his throat. Is he blushing?

“Um...I thought we could watch Invisible Thorns. That’s the one I’d wanted to watch with you anyway. I mean, I already saw it, and it’s already started, but I don’t mind if you don’t?”

At least he’s letting the fact that you were just staring at him slide. You nod. “Yeah, that’s fine by me. I’ll go buy the tickets.” When Karkat pulls his wallet out of his pocket, you’re quick to shake your head. “No, no. I’ve got it, really.”

He frowns, shaking his head as he looks back up at you. “If you pay for my ticket, that makes this a date, Dave.”

This is it. Your chance. You hesitate, but finally nod. “Yeah. I know.”

Karkat goes silent as that processes, staring at you in confusion, then in understanding. He’s definitely blushing now. “...Oh.”

You grin at his reaction, unable to resist your urge to ruffle his hair before going to pay for the tickets. He doesn’t protest or complain, trailing along with you as you buy the tickets and head towards your theater. You pause as you pass the concession stand. “Oh, want to grab something to eat before we head in?”

He looks like he wants to protest against you buying food for him, but instead sighs and nods. “Just get me skittles and a sprite, please?”

You nod and approach the counter. Not long after, you’re going back to him with two sprites, a bag of popcorn, skittles and reese’s cups. Karkat rolls his eyes as he watches you struggle to carry everything, grabbing his stuff from you before leading the way to your theater.

As you’d been warned, the movie’s already started. On the bright side, since it was a weekday, the theater was mostly empty. The two of you settle in a pair of seats near the back and quiet down to watch the movie. Well, Karkat’s watching the movie. You’re...watching something else.

It’s hard to take your eyes off of him, honestly. You love how clearly focused on the movie he is, even though he saw it fairly recently. You love his little smile and his reactions to each moment, whether his smile grows or shrinks of his eyebrows furrow or he laughs softly. You just...really love being around him.

You get through maybe half of the movie without being cliche as fuck, but then you can’t take it anymore. You fake a yawn, stretching upwards. When you bring your arms back down, one of them settles around Karkat’s shoulders.

For the first time since the movie began, he looks at you. You’re about to mumble an apology and pull your arm away, but he just rolls his eyes and looks back to the screen, leaning slightly into your side. You’re positive he’s blushing. You are too.

You sit in silence like that for maybe a bit over half an hour before the credits start to roll. Karkat clears his throat and you retract your arm, getting to your feet. The two of you leave the theater in silence, dumping your garbage and setting off towards his house in silence.

He speaks up uncertainly after a few moments. “So...that was a good movie.”

“Oh. Yeah, definitely better than I’d expected.” You honestly remember less than fifteen percent of that movie.

He hums in agreement before going silent once more. It’s uncomfortable, and nerve wracking, and you’re starting to regret telling him this was a date. Then you feel a finger wrap around your pinkie.

You glance over at Karkat in surprise. He’s staring dead ahead, beet red, and his pinkie is wrapped around yours. You grin and take his hand properly.

The silence is comfortable now. The next time either of you speaks is when you get to his house. He stands between you and the door, still holding your hand. “...Um...this was nice. We should do something like this again sometime.”

You’re quick to nod. Maybe that looked a little desperate or ‘uncool’, but fuck, you don’t care right now. Karkat wants to go on another date with you. “Yeah, definitely. That’d be awesome.”

“Great! Um, I mean...yeah. Great. Right, uh, I should go, uh...see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

Karkat nods, hesitating like he wants to say something, but instead just pulls his hand away with a slight smile and ducks into his house.

You stand there in stunned silence for a moment. You just went on a date with Karkat Vantas.

And he wants to do it again.

Holy _shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm so sorry I was gone for so long, guys! Hopefully that chapter made up for it? Maybe??? Let me know, bsdkjgbugb.


	27. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the problem: neither of you are really comfortable with PDA. You don’t even hold hands for too long if there are too many other people around.

You hadn’t expected the nature of you and Karkat’s relationship to change drastically when you started dating. And it doesn’t. It’s a new relationship, but the two of you still act more or less the same towards each other. You don’t mind that, though. Honestly, there’s only one thing that you want to change.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you really want to kiss Karkat Vantas. 

The two of you have been dating for maybe a month now, and have made next to no progress in that regard. You hold hands and stuff sometimes, but that’s about as far as you’ve gone.

Here’s the problem: neither of you are really comfortable with PDA. You don’t even hold hands for too long if there are too many other people around. Bro’s been lurking around and sticking his nose into your business at home, so you can’t invite Karkat over, and when you go to his house, his dad or brother is almost always there to ruin the moment. Your friends won’t leave the two of you alone for a second either. Seriously, you love your friends, but come  _ on. _

Honestly, this is starting to annoy you. All you want is a moment alone with your boyfriend, is that too much to ask? You just...really want to be able to kiss him. Just once.

You start looking for opportunities to do just that. You walk him home after dates - which, for you two, is almost always at the movies - but either he’ll babble about it so much that there’s no chance for you to get his mouth shut long enough to kiss him, or the mood will be right, but his dad will come out the second you get there. You’re not sure he trusts you.

You walk him to and from all of his classes, but of course there are no opportunities there. The halls are always full of people, and there’s no way either of you are making a move in that kind of environment.

Finally, you’re down to your last resort. One way or another, you’re going to fucking kiss Karkat Vantas today. You’re at lunch with him and all his friends - who you’ve started to consider to be your own as well. They’re all actually pretty cool.

There’s some argument going on that you’re only half paying attention to. You think it’s about Will Smith? At least, you hear his name come up a couple of times. Honestly, they argue like this almost every day, and Karkat always makes sure to voice his opinion the loudest, like that’ll make it more valid. It might have been annoying, if it wasn’t so stupidly endearing. 

“Dave, will you  _ please  _ tell these goat fuckers that Will Smith was  _ way  _ better in I Am Legend than The Rock could ever  _ dream  _ of being in  _ any  _ of the Fast and Furious movies? And also that that franchise is overrated as fuck and has been going on for  _ way too long now?” _

You hold up your hands at that, shaking your head. “Sorry, not getting involved. No matter who I side with here, I’m going to end up getting fucked over, so.”

“Unbe-fucking-lievable.” He huffs, crossing his arms grumpily. “Not a single one of you has  _ any  _ taste.”

You snort, shaking your head slightly. This is a good chance, though, and you’re going to fucking take it. “Alright grumpy, you need a time out. I think I left my notebook in class a while ago. Come with me to get it?”

Sure enough, he huffs once more and gets to his feet, nodding. “Fine. I can feel my brain cells fucking  _ dying  _ the longer I talk to these fucking ingrates anyways.”

“Boo, you sound like your brother,” Terezi mocks, grinning. That’s the last push Karkat needs to scoff in offense and stomp out of the room. You shake your head slightly, smiling to yourself as you follow him.

He’s waiting for you just outside of the cafeteria, seeming pretty annoyed. First and foremost, you need to fix that. “Can you believe that? How do I sound like Kankri? I don’t right?”

“I probably wouldn’t be dating you if you did.” You press a kiss to his forehead, then hold out your hand. He doesn’t even pause before taking it. Just that’s enough to create a swarm of butterflies in your stomach. “She was just trying to get on your nerves. You know that, right, Kat?” 

He sighs, nodding and giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, I know. I love her, you know? But sometimes she can be so...ugh. Sorry.”

“I know. It’s okay.” You offer him a slight smile before setting off towards your classroom together. A moment passes in silence before you speak again. “Hey, you want to do something this weekend?”

He shrugs, glancing up at you. “Sure, sounds good. Movies?”

“I was thinking lunch, actually. You wanted to check out that new seafood place, right? We can do that. And if you want, we can still go to the movies after.”

He narrows his eyes at you almost suspiciously. “That sounds like an actual fucking date. Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?”

You laugh, trying to pretend that you _ didn’t  _ just go slightly red. An entire month now, and you’re still not used to hearing those words from him. “What, I can’t just want to go out and do something nice with my boyfriend?” He goes slightly red as well. Luckily, he wasn’t used to hearing it from you either.

You guide him into your history classroom, leading the way to the back corner as he works out a response. “Yeah, well...I mean...of course you can. I just meant that this is kind of unlike you. Like is there some sort of special occasion that I’m forgetting about? Is it valentine’s day? One of our birthdays? One month anniversary? Dave?”

He pauses as you take a seat on the ground, patting the spot next to you, It’s clear that he’s confused, but he takes a seat next to you. “Um...call me crazy, but I’m  _ pretty  _ sure this isn’t your desk.”

You roll your eyes, turning to face him. “No shit, Sherlock. But no one can see us down here.” 

He doesn’t seem to pick up on your meaning at first. Then you settle your hand on his cheek, and watch as red creeps across his face. “...Oh. You didn’t leave your notebook in here, did you?”

You snort, which you figure is more than enough of an answer. “Can I kiss you? I’m not going to do anything you say no to, okay?”

He pauses for a moment, then nods, eyes fluttering shut. Holy shit. This is it, then. You’re doing it.

You slowly lean in, pressing a chaste kiss to his mouth. A brief touch of lips to lips, and then you pull back, glancing over his face to make sure he hadn’t hated it. He’s a bit redder, but otherwise seems content. You move back in, pecking his lips again, and again, and finally lingering.

His lips are soft, and half slicked with chapstick, like he tries to take care of them, but they’re still rough and chapped. Just touching them with yours is enough to have the P Buddy Remix of Weak When Ur Around Me blaring in your head. He moves them against yours slowly, gently, like he’s second guessing himself. You keep your mouth closed, not wanting to move too fast and freak him out, but after a second or so, he jerks away anyways.

“That was your tongue.” When you open your eyes, you see that his are open as well, and he’s quite clearly flustered. It’s cute. You like knowing that it’s because of you.

“No, it wasn’t. That was my lip. My mouth was closed the entire time.” 

“Why the fuck are your lips so wet, then?” He huffs, shaking his head and glancing away. After a brief pause, he looks back to you. “...Can we try again?”

You nod slightly and move back in, continuing as before. And again, he jerks away after a few seconds. “There’s no fucking way that was your lip!”

“Dude, shhh. Someone’s going to hear you. And I’m telling you, I didn’t open my mouth.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, then nods. “Okay...okay. Sorry. Can we try just…one more time?”

“Of course we can. Just relax, okay? I told you, I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

He nods slightly. This time, he’s the one that kisses you. You make sure to keep your mouth shut, like before, gently moving your lips against his. And instead of jerking away, this time, you can feel his tongue press briefly onto your bottom lip.

You take that as a sign that it’s okay to do the same, parting your lips and very lightly press your tongue against his. And, of course, he jerks right away.

“Okay, that was your fucking tongue. Don’t try to say it wasn’t, I know you just put your tongue in my mouth.”

You huff, running a hand though your hair. You’re well aware that there isn’t a chance in hell that you’re not red by now too. “I mean, yeah? Yeah, that was my tongue. Sorry, just, you licked my lip, so I thought that meant it’d be okay?”

He furrowed his eyebrows slightly. “...I didn’t lick your lip.”

You frown at him, nodding. “Yes, you did? I felt it.”

He just huffs, slumping against your side for a few moments before sitting up and nodding. “I can do it this time. One last try, okay?”

“It’s okay, Kat. Take your time.” You gently cup his cheek once more, and he nods, leaning in to press his lips to yours.

You can feel the tension in his lips, and you know he’s trying too hard to ‘get it right’ this time. You gently brush your thumb over his cheek a few times, which seems to relax him a little. His hands rise and settle on your shoulders, like he’s trying to ground himself. 

After a few seconds of closed-mouth kissing, he parts his lips, and you again feel his tongue on your mouth. You don’t respond immediately, just in case, but then he does it again, tongue pressing harder, a bit more deliberately, and you’re positive of what he’s trying to tell you.

When you part your lips and press your tongue to his, he flinches slightly, but doesn’t pull back. You’re about to move away instead, but you feel his fingers curl in your shirt like he’s trying to hold you in place. You stay where you are, the hand on his cheek now moving to cup the back of his neck as your tongues move curiously against each other. His mouth tastes like school lunch, with an undertone of coffee. You wonder what yours tastes like.

You’re just starting to deepen the kiss a bit more when you hear voices out in the hall. Familiar voices. And they sound like they’re getting closer. 

“And you’re sure this is that motherfucker’s classroom?”

“Like I said, I had the same class. Though I  _ still  _ don’t get why you couldn’t wait for them to come back to talk to Karkles.”

“I told you, it’s urgent. And they’re taking too long.”

Karkat springs away from you like you two are the same pole on two different magnets, jumping to his feet just as Terezi and Gamzee step into the room. “See? I told you this was it.”

You pretend to be looking for something on the ground, grabbing nothing and shoving your hand into your pocket. Gamzee seems suspicious, but fortunately, the majority of his concentration is on Karkat. “Hey Kar-bro, can you come with me real quick? Need to ask you about somethin’ real motherfuckin’ important.”

Karkat nods a bit too eagerly, hurrying over to Gamzee. “Yeah, of course! Let’s go!” He throws you a quick look over his shoulder, face red, then hurries out of the room, pulling Gamzee along with him. Terezi gives you a look you can’t quite place, then leaves with them. 

You stand rooted to the spot, smiling like an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsSFo1YLjoo)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm back baby. Keep an eye out on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lilithwiththefanfics) for the new update schedule! Your kudos and comments keep me going, y'all!  
> (No, seriously. I got so many kudos during my hiatus that I felt guilty and had to start writing again.)


	28. It's a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God, your boyfriend’s great. Your smile becomes a bit more relaxed, and you give his hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. “Shall we?” He chuckles, elbowing you lightly before heading inside. Grinning, you follow.

You look at your reflection in the mirror, frowning slightly. You look way,  _ way  _ too formal for lunch and a movie. A blazer? Really? You don’t even remember buying this thing. Rose probably got it for you.

Your name is Dave Strider and you’re putting way too much time and effort into getting ready for this date.

Sighing, you shrug off the blazer. Better, though you’re not sure about the red button down you’re wearing either. You shake your head, swapping it for a plain t-shirt. Now you look like you’re not trying at all, though. Fuck. Maybe both? You pull the button up back on, leaving it unbuttoned over your white t-shirt. That. That works. You run a hand through your hair to make sure it’s neat, and finally, you nod at your reflection. You’re ready.

You grab your phone and wallet, shoving both into your pockets, then grab a jacket as an afterthought. Who knows, maybe you’ll need it? It  _ is  _ still early February, after all. Satisfied, you head out into the living room, only to freeze in your tracks the moment you step out of your bedroom. 

There’s a note on the side of the couch, pinned in place by one of your brother’s shurikens. His handwriting in unmistakable.

 

roof.  
now.

 

Shit. Now? Bro wants to strife  _ right now?  _ You don’t want to. You never want to, but now...if you go up to that roof, there’s no way you’ll be able to make it to that date with Karkat. You guys almost  _ never  _ have real dates like this, never do anything fancier than going to the movies. You don’t want to just blow it off.

But you’ve never just... _ not  _ showed up for a strife before. How would Bro react? What would he do? Somehow, you doubt he’d just let you walk away without even trying to fight. He’d probably beat the shit out of you for even thinking about it.

You stare at the note, finally clenching your jaw. You’re fucking eighteen now. Next month, you’ll be taking your final exams, then by April you’ll be graduating from high school. You’re a fucking adult. You’re not going to be bullied into staying home by your brother. You stomp over to the couch, ripping the note off, crumpling it up, and tossing it aside. And with that, you storm out of the apartment, out of the building, and out onto the street.

 

* * *

By the time you get to the seafood place, Karkat’s already waiting outside.  God, you can hear the Robin Pace version of Meet Me by Mickey Valen featuring Noe just by looking at him. You tried so hard to make sure you looked alright, he looks like he just threw on a sweater and jeans that actually  _ fit  _ him, instead of the painfully oversized stuff he usually wears (and yet, he still looks fucking amazing).

You hurry over to him, taking your hand. He starts, then realizes it’s you, and relaxes slightly. You smile sheepishly. “Hey. Uh, sorry I’m late. Something came up.”

He rolls his eyes, smiling slightly up at you. “Dave, you’re like...barely five minutes late. Relax.”

God, your boyfriend’s great. Your smile becomes a bit more relaxed, and you give his hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. “Shall we?” He chuckles, elbowing you lightly before heading inside. Grinning, you follow.

The place isn’t very busy. You’re not sure if it’s just because of the time of day, or if the food here is just bad. Hopefully, it’s the former. It only takes a few seconds for you two to be seated, menus in front of you. You scan yours quietly for a moment before scoffing and looking over the top of it to Karkat. “I think I should ask for a kids menu, dude. Just get, like, five servings of fish fingers.”

He snorts and kicks you lightly under the table, peering over his menu as well. You can see the smile in his eyes. “I swear to god, Dave, you do that and I’ll get up and walk the fuck out of here without you.” The smile is in his voice too. You chuckle, then look to your menu once more. It’s a few minutes before you’re setting it down once more, Karkat following suit not long after.

“You know what you’re getting?” you question. He offers a slight nod, then frowns over at you.

“We’re splitting the bill, okay? Fifty-fifty.”

You huff, but nod. It’s better this way. You don’t think you could have paid for both of you anyways, especially if you’re going to the movies after. You don’t have enough cash on you for that, and you don’t actually have a credit or debit card. “Yeah, alright…”

He seems satisfied, glancing around to try to get a waiter’s attention. You take the opportunity to watch him, taking in his ever messy hair, the darker than usual circles under his eyes. You know he’s been pushing himself harder than usual lately, with college application deadlines coming up. You haven’t really bothered applying to anywhere; you can’t afford the school fees, and Bro sure as fuck isn’t going to pay them. You’re still planning on moving out, though, taking on a couple of part time jobs or something to pay for an apartment somewhere far away.

You return to the present as Karkat finally waves a waiter over so you two can order. He ends up getting steamed salmon and mashed potatoes, like a functional individual. And while you don’t actually go through with your joke about getting fish fingers, you do get fish and chips, which is pretty much the adult equivalent.

Karkat looks back to you as the waiter leaves your table, humming. “Have you decided where you want to apply to yet? There’s not a whole lot of time left to decide, you know…”

You sigh, shaking your head. “I told you, I’m not applying to anywhere. Not this year, at least. I’m gonna take a gap year. Or two. I don’t really know.”

He frowns furrowing his eyebrows. You know he worries about you. You appreciate that. But sometimes, you wish he wouldn’t. It makes you feel all guilty. “You know you’re good enough for college, right…? You’re so so smart when you actually try, I bet you could get a scholarship no problem if you really wanted to.”

God, he’s too good for you. You offer a slight smile, nudging his leg gently under the table. “You’re such a fucking sap. Kat, I swear, I’m fine. I just don’t want to rush into college. I don’t even know what I’d want to study. I’ll get there when I’m ready.”

He sighs, clearly not fully swayed, but nods. “Alright...I can respect that. I just want to make sure you’ve really thought this through, I guess. Sounds like you have.” He shrugs, leaning back. 

Your waiter swings by to drop off your drinks - lemonade for him and apple juice for you - then moves on. You’re quiet for a moment, then nudge his leg once more. “What about you, hm? Have you gotten all your applications out yet? Has anyone started begging you to come to their schools?”

He snorts, kicking your chair hard enough for you to feel it, but not hard enough to actually move it. “I wish. No, I still have two more to send. Haven’t heard back from anyone yet. That’s to be expected, though - I’m not really supposed to get offers until, like...April. I have plenty of time.”

He sounds a bit nervous. Like he’s trying to convince himself. You watch him study the tablecloth for a moment, then crack a style. “Well, when the offers  _ do  _ start pouring in, let me be the first to say ‘I told you so’. Seriously, you’ll probably have people offering to pay you to come to their school instead of somewhere else. Then you should take that sweet sweet moolah and make a run for it. And when that happens, make sure you give a cut of it to me, since I’m the one who predicted it to begin with.”

He laughs at that, shaking his head and kicking your chair once more. “You’re an idiot.”

You grin. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

The food ends up being pretty good. You share your fries with Karkat, and he shares his mashed potatoes with you. You split the bill, as promised, then take a short walk to a nearby cinema. You sit in the back of the theater as you watch Black Panther, which you both end up adoring. Not a big surprise. Afterwards, he insists on walking you home, which, fuck it, you agree to. You almost never let him walk home with you, but oday’s been going so good...you don’t want it to end yet. 

You shoot the shit the whole way back to your apartment, and he even lets you hold his hand once you’re in the elevator and no one else is around. He walks you right up to your door, seeming reluctant to leave. 

“...I had a really good time today,” he offers with a little smile that absolutely melts your heart.

“Yeah...so did I.” You grin, settling your hands on his hips. He looks a bit caught off guard, but doesn’t protest or try to stop you. “We should do proper Dates like this more often. Like, maybe after you get all your college apps in, we could do something to celebrate…?” 

His smile grows at that, and he nods. “Yeah. I’d really like that.” He chews his lip, hesitating for a moment before rising onto his toes and pressing his lips to yours. For a moment, everything is perfect.

And then Bro opens the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJj5pwoOEGM)
> 
> I feel like I should be apologizing? This was supposed to be a fluff chapter too. Oops. Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


	29. Beatdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You feel the blood drain from your face, your eyes darting briefly to Karkat standing next to you. He’s staring at your brother too, but he looks more embarrassed than concerned. All you can think is that you don’t want this, you don’t want to go in there, you don’t want your brother to ruin today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for verbal and physical abuse. I'm so so sorry.

You can’t read your brother’s face as you stare up at him. It’s an emotionless mask, as always - completely blank. That doesn’t mean you don’t know what’s about to happen, though.

Your name is Dave Strider, and your brother is going to literally kill you.

You feel the blood drain from your face, your eyes darting briefly to Karkat standing next to you. He’s staring at your brother too, but he looks more embarrassed than concerned. God, he has no fucking clue how bad this is. He offers a little smile, face red, and under ordinary circumstances, you might have been focused on how cute it was - but these are far from ordinary circumstances. Instead, all you can think is that you don’t want this, you don’t want to go in there, you don’t want your brother to ruin today.

“Oh, uh, hello, Mr. Strider. Or, I mean, Bro? Sorry for intruding, I was just walking Dave home. Um, I can...see myself out?” 

Bro doesn’t respond at all, his eyes locked on your face from behind his shades. His mouth twitches before he speaks, voice too calm, like you’re in the eye of a hurricane. “...You two been hanging out today?”

You can’t seem to find your voice. You open your mouth, but no sound comes out. After a moment, Karkat jumps in. Fuck, you wish he’d leave. You don’t want him to get involved with this. “...Um, yes, sir. It was entirely my idea, though.”

You can’t see your brother’s eyes, but for a split second, you feel them move off of you and onto your boyfriend. You try to move in front of him, and Bro’s gaze is back on you in an instant. “...I left you a note, Dave.”

You’re quiet for another beat, then force yourself to speak. Hopefully, your voice isn’t shaking as badly as you think it is. “...I didn’t see it.”

The silence that settles between the three of you is so heavy, it feels like it’s crushing you. It takes you a moment to realize you’re holding your breath. Maybe Karkat is too - you can’t hear him at all. You want to check on him, but you don’t dare to take your eyes off of your brother. Finally, he moves out of the doorway. “Dave, get inside.”

You feel your heart freeze, but force yourself to move, stepping into your apartment. Bro starts to close the door, and you’re bracing yourself for what you know is coming, but then Karkat’s holding the door open, squeezing past Bro and into your apartment. “Oh, sorry, I just remembered. I lent Dave a textbook the other day. Can I just get it from him real quick?” His eyes dart to you briefly. No. No, no, no, what the fuck is he doing? You’re behind Bro now, but you can still see the tension in his stance.

“He’ll get your shit to you at school on Monday. Now if you’ll excuse us -”

But Karkat isn’t taking no for an answer. He even cuts your brother off mid-sentence. “No, sorry, I really need that book back so I can get some work done over the weekend. It’ll only take two seconds, I promise.”

He manages to slip past your brother, grabbing your hand and pulling you to your bedroom. It’s all you can do to follow. Once you’re inside, out of your brother’s line of sight, you manage to find your voice, stage whispering to your boyfriend.  _ “Karkat, what the fuck are you doing?” _

He doesn’t hide his concern, staring at you with wide eyes and furrowed brows as he whispered back.  _ “I don’t know. I had a bad feeling and I panicked. Are you okay?” _

You look around for a textbook you don’t need. You can’t send him back out there empty handed.  _ “I’m fine, not that it’s really any of your business. You need to get the fuck out of here, okay?”  _ You shove a book into his arms. You’re not letting him get caught up in all this.  _ “Here, take this and go home. I’ll pester you later, I promise.” _

_ “Dave-” _

He doesn’t get the chance to say more than that before you’re ushering him out of your room. You need to get him out, fast. Your heart is racing faster than the beat of Beatdown by Curt Blakeslee. Bro was never a patient person to begin with, and you get the feeling he’s even less willing to put up with any of this today. He stares at Karkat as the two of you emerge. “...Looks like you got your book. Good. You should get going now, kid.”

Karkat hesitates, looking at you. You silently urge him to listen. He hugs the book to his chest, quiet for a moment. “I, uh...actually, um, I needed to ask Dave about this thing for our history exam, so could I just-”

And that’s that. Bro is out of patience. He stares for a moment, then swears, shaking his head. “You know what, fuck this. Get the fuck out of my apartment, kid.”

Karkat blinks, caught off guard. He glances to you, then back to your brother. “...Oh, uh, sorry, I just...I mean, it won’t take long, it’s just-”

But your brother is done listening. He grabs Karkat’s arm roughly, getting a yelp from the other. Not even thinking, you move, catching up as he drags your boyfriend to the door. “Bro, what the fuck are you doing? Let go of him!” When he doesn’t even falter, you grab his arm to stop him, only for him to whirl on you, backhanding you across the face and sending you crashing down.

“Dave!” Fuck. Fuck, no, Karkat wasn’t supposed to see that. You blink hard to clear your vision, just in time to see your brother practically throw the other into the hallway, slamming the door behind him without another word. You force yourself onto your feet.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” you hiss at your brother. “You fucking hurt him, asshole!” You move to shove him, but he easily catches your wrists, grip so tight that you worry for a moment that he’ll shatter both of your arms.

“And whose fuckin’ fault would that be, huh? ‘Cause lemme tell you, it ain’t mine.” He pushes you back by the arms, using enough force to have you stumbling. “I fuckin’  _ told  _ you to meet me on the roof. You’re the dumbass that ignored the note.  _ You’re  _ the one who brought your little boyfriend here, not me.”

“I told you I didn’t see your stupid note!” You’re right by the kitchen. Maybe you can get to the fridge, grab a sword...at least you’d be armed. Maybe you could even hold him off for a little while.

You turn to make a run for it, but your brother catches up before you can get far. He grabs the back of your shirt, pulling you towards himself hard enough that you hear the fabric rip. “Hey, don’t you fuckin’ give me that shit, fucker!” You whirl to face him, but he’s ready, using the momentum from your turn to send your mouth into his fist. You taste blood as he grabs your shades off your face, hurling them across the room. 

Fine, then. You grab his shades too, dropping them at your feet and stomping down. Red eyes meet orange ones, both pairs furious. He draws a hand back to punch you, but this time you’re ready. Right before he swings, you let yourself drop, easily pulling out of the torn shirt he’s still holding and rolling off to the side. His swing has him punching the side of the fridge. You hear the weapons inside rattle.

He whirls on you again, this time grabbing your throat before you can run. “Got you now, you piece of shit. You think you’re grown, huh? Think you can get away with running off with your boyfriend and ignoring my instructions? Well, I’ve got some news for you, kid. You wouldn’t be shit without me. How much time have I wasted on you all these years, trying to make you actually worth something, huh? And here you are now, weak, and stupid, and  _ useless-” _

You spit in his face.

He stops talking, recoiling in disgust. You cough, sucking in a breath before shaking your head, moving in and headbutting him. When you pull back, his nose is crooked an bleeding. And for a second, you smile.

And then he recovers. “You little fucking-” You don’t hear the rest over the ringing in your ears after he punches you in the left eye. You don’t even have a chance to blink before he’s grabbing your hair roughly and  _ pulling,  _ dragging you towards something that you’re too dazed to see. And then he’s pushing. You’re head connects with the counter, and you’re seeing stars, the only clear thing in the blur of everything else. And again. And again. 

When he stops, you can’t stay on your feet. You collapse into a crumpled heap on the floor. The last thing you remember seeing is your brother storming towards the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think y'all know the song but [here](https://youtu.be/RI7y7ZkkOJs) it is if you want it. Happy 4/13? I'm really really sorry. Make me feel bad by commenting to say what you thought??? Please?


	30. It's (Not) Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You blink awake, groaning in pain. You’re not sure how long you’ve been out, but when you look around, you realize Bro’s gone. He probably left when he realized you weren’t getting back up. He’s just that kind of brother, you know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a description of injuries

Being knocked out isn’t that bad. It’s happened to you before. You don’t really feel anything. Sometimes you dream, sometimes you don’t. It’s just like being asleep. And, also like sleeping, the worst part is waking up.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you just got to that part.

You blink awake, groaning in pain. You’re not sure how long you’ve been out, but when you look around, you realize Bro’s gone. He probably left when he realized you weren’t getting back up. He’s just that kind of brother, you know?

You slowly sit up, still on the kitchen floor. There’s this aching pain in your head, paired with a dull throbbing. That’s probably not good. It takes you a moment to notice that there’s blood on the counter. And on your chest. And on the ground. Ah, fuck. Yeah, that’s definitely not good.

You grip the edge of the coulter, pulling yourself to your feet. You have to stay still for a moment as a wave of dizziness and nausea washes over you, but after a few seconds, you’re slowly making your way to your bathroom, leaning against walls and counters the whole way there to keep yourself upright. It takes longer than it should, but finally, you’re there, hunched over your sink and inspecting your reflection carefully.

It’s not pretty. You have a big, dark bruise on your left cheek from where your brother hit you. It’s swollen too, which is far from a good sign. You’ve got a black eye on the left side of your face too. When you lift a hand to tough it, you realize both of your wrists are bruised too. Your bottom lip is split. It’s not bleeding anymore, but it still looks pretty bad. The most worrisome part, though, is your head. You’ve got a nasty bump on your forehead. It’s bruised and cut pretty badly, likely from being hit against the counter like that. You can’t tell if it’s still bleeding, but there’s no doubt that that’s where the blood in the kitchen came from.

You feel kind of faint. Your brother’s made you bleed on multiple occasions before, of course, but you don’t think you’ve ever lost this much blood from one injury before. If you’re going to do something, it has to be now. You stagger into your room, retrieving the first aid kit that you’d hidden away in your closet and bringing it with you back to the bathroom.

First thing’s first. You need to clean up that blood so you can see what you’re working with. You quickly wash your face, opening the first aid kit and grabbing a slightly crispy washcloth you keep in it to dry everything off before looking up again. Yeah, the cut’s still bleeding. The flow’s pretty slow, but the fact that it’s bleeding at all means you’ll probably need stitches. Just your luck. For now, you pour some disinfectant onto a cotton pad and clean up the smaller cuts on your face, then the big one. Fuck, that stings. And if you already don’t like this, you have no clue how you’re going to stitch yourself up.

You’ve done it before, so you know how, in theory. But you’ve never had to stitch your own face. It’d probably be tricky, but you don’t really have much of a choice. You grab a suture needle from the kit, cleaning it with rubbing alcohol before threading it. Hand shaking, you raise the needle to your head.

You don’t really have the mental strength to describe sewing your own head shut. Even if you did, you’re not really sure how you managed it. It’s all kind of a blur. You do know it takes far, far too long. But finally, you’re cleaning the blood off of the needle and putting it away. You carefully put one of those square bandage pads over the cut before wrapping your head in gauze to apply pressure and keep everything secure. You eye yourself in the mirror once more, sticking a few little bandaids onto your smaller cuts before packing everything away. That’ll just have to do it.

Now that you’re probably not in immediate danger of dying from blood loss, you can move on to some housekeeping matters. You carefully stow the first aid kit away for the next time you need it, before moving into the kitchen to clean up the blood. Knowing it’s there is just going to keep bothering you. Satisfied, you retrieve your shades from where they’d been flung, only to discover that one of the lenses and one of the arms are broken. You swear under your breath. Well, that’s just perfect. These were a _present_ from your _best fucking friend._ You can’t just replace them.

You sigh, setting the shades down on the counter and heading back to your room, retrieving a bottle of apple juice from under your bed. Gotta get that blood sugar up. And now you can focus on the most important part - checking on Karkat.

You sit on your bed, grabbing your laptop and opening it up. You can only really see through one eye, and even then it’s a bit blurry, but you manage to type in your password and open up pesterchum. Looks like he’s been pestering you.

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:24 --

CG: DAVE?  
CG: YOU ALRIGHT?  
CG: ARE YOU THERE?

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is offline! --

CG: FUCK.  
CG: I FIGURED.  
CG: CAN YOU PLEASE MESSAGE ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS?  
CG: I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE OKAY. 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is offline! --

CG: I’M SO FUCKING SORRY, DAVE.  
CG: I PANICKED. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  
CG: I SHOULD HAVE STAYED, I KNOW. BUT I JUST...WENT HOME. I JUST LEFT YOU.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is offline! --

CG: WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER TELL ME THAT HE HURTS YOU LIKE THAT?  
CG: MAYBE I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING SOONER.  
CG: FUCK, DAVE, PLEASE BE OKAY.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is offline! --

CG: DAVE, PLEASE, I NEED YOU TO BE OKAY.  
CG: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE RESPOND WHEN YOU SEE THIS.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO HERE, DAVE.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is offline! --

CG: …  
CG: I’M GOING TO CALL THE COPS.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is online! --

TG: please tell me you didnt actually call the cops  
CG: DAVE!  
CG: ARE YOU OKAY?  
TG: karkat did you call the cops  
CG: I WAS JUST ABOUT TO.  
TG: dont  
TG: please dont  
CG: DAVE, I HAVE TO.  
CG: I CAN’T LET HIM KEEP HURTING YOU LIKE THAT. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.  
TG: if you want to help then just keep it to yourself  
TG: please karkat i dont want everything to change when im this close to getting out  
TG: ive been saving up as soon as we graduate im going to move out i promise but i cant get taken by a foster home or anything right now  
TG: i just have to put up with it for like another two months i can do it please dont get involved i mean it  
CG: IS HE STILL THERE?  
TG: no i think he left  
CG: I’M COMING OVER TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE OKAY.  
TG: thats a bad idea  
CG: I DON’T CARE.  
CG: I NEED TO SEE YOU.  
CG: IT’S EITHER THAT OR IM CALLING THE COPS.  
TG: youre a stubborn fucker you know that  
TG: come up the fire escape  
CG: I’LL SEE YOU SOON.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 19:12 --

 

You sigh and flop onto your back. He really is too stubborn for his own good. But if he needs to see you, then fine. You’ll just have to make sure he’s gone by the time Bro gets back. You’re not going to risk anything happening to him. You put some music on while you wait. Maybe that’ll calm you down.

You don’t remember dozing off, but when you wake up we’ve never met but, can we have a coffee or something? by in love with a ghost is playing, and someone’s knocking on your window.

You get up with a groan, unsurprised to see Karkat there. You sigh, pulling the window open. Immediately, he crawls in, looking you over with wide eyes. They’re all red and puffy. His nose is red too. Was he crying for you?

“Dave…” he breathes, and that’s all he can say before he’s crying. He looks like he wants to touch you, but he’s scared you’ll shatter if he does.

You gently take his hand, squeezing it lightly. “I’m okay, Kat. I’m okay.”

You don’t feel so good on your feet, but you don’t want to be away from him either. Not now. You guide him to your bed, taking a seat. He immediately does the same, before wrapping his arms around you and burying his face against your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry Dave, god, I’m sorry…”

Does he somehow think this is his fault? No, no, no… You gently comb your fingers through his hair, quietly shushing him. “God, no, Karkat...no, it’s not your fault. It’s not, I promise. I’m okay. I’m okay…”

You don’t notice when the first tear falls, but now you’re crying too. You’re not sure if you’re trying to comfort him or yourself anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh I really love this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XZJ5mD6nSU) and I'm glad i got to use it. Sorry for like...everything else though. Especially the wait. You can check out my [tumblr](https://lilithwiththefanfics.tumblr.com/) if you want details about that, or if you have any questions. As always, comment to guilt me into updating sooner. And again,,,I'm sorry.


	31. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wish you could stay like this with him all day, but you’ve honestly already been like this for too long. Bro doesn’t usually come back the day after he leaves, but there’s always the risk that he will, and you absolutely can’t let him find you and Karkat like this. It’s for the best that you get the other out of the apartment as soon as possible.

You’re not sure who fell asleep first, you or Karkat, but the next thing you remember is waking up curled up with him, arms wrapped around his waist. It’s just like that first time you fell asleep next to him; his back is pressed to your chest, and your face is buried in his cherry-scented hair. He’s so soft, so warm.

Your name is Dave Strider and you really wish you didn’t have to get up. 

You wish you could stay like this with him all day, but you’ve honestly already been like this for too long. Bro doesn’t usually come back the day after he leaves, but there’s always the risk that he will, and you absolutely can’t let him find you and Karkat like this. It’s for the best that you get the other out of the apartment as soon as possible.

You pull away and sit up, wishing for once that your absence wouldn’t make the other whine like that. He rolls over, towards you, and even in his sleep, he looks upset that you’re going. You gently comb your fingers through his hair until he relaxes. You at least want him to be happy when he wakes up. 

You watch him for a moment longer before sighing. Right, no more stalling. It has to be now. You give his shoulders a gentle shake. “Kat. Karkat, hey. I need you to wake up now, okay? C’mon…”

It seems pretty clear to you that he doesn’t want to get up yet, but after a bit of shaking and quiet murmuring, he finally blinks awake, eyebrows furrowed and lips pulled down in a slight frown. “Dave…? What time is it…?”

“Uh…” You have no clue, actually. You glance out the window. Seems like early morning? You frown, grabbing your phone off the ground next to your bed to check. It’s not even six yet. “...Early. Sorry, I know you want to sleep in, but you need to get going, okay?”

He doesn’t seem to like that. He props himself up on his elbows, staring at you with concern. “Why…? Does he know I’m here? Are you in trouble?”

“No, no...or, uh, I don’t think so? But you can’t be here when he gets back.”

It doesn’t look like he likes that any better. He sits up slowly, eyes never leaving yours. You feel so naked without your shades, bare and exposed and vulnerable. You look pointedly away. It’s too hard to look at Karkat like this.

After a too-long moment of silence, he wraps his arms around you, burying his face against your shoulder. Immediately, you can feel it getting wet. Shit. “I don’t want to leave you here with him,” he insists, voice barely above a whisper. 

You don’t want him to go either. Or, you desperately want to go with him. Anything but this. 

You’re trying to figure out what to say when you hear it. You’ve learned to always listen, even when the coast  _ should  _ be clear. Because it never really is. The blood drains from your face as you hear the front door opening, then closing again. Bro’s home.

You panic. You get up, grabbing Karkat’s arms and bringing him to your closet as fast as you can without making too much noise. “I need you to hide in here for a little. Don’t move, don’t make a sound, and absolutely don’t come out unless I say you can, no matter what.” There’s no time for you to wait for a reply. You guide him to sit in a back corner, hastily throwing blankets and clothes over him. As an afterthought, you grab a shirt before quickly closing your closet doors, right on time for your bedroom door to open.

You turn your gaze to your brother, keeping yourself as composed as you can manage. “Ever heard of knocking? I was getting dressed.” You pull the shirt on, grateful for the excuse to break eye contact, if only for a little.

Bro doesn’t respond, scanning the room. You feel a twinge of satisfaction when you realize he doesn’t have his stupid pointy anime shades either. He must not have gotten a chance to get them fixed yet. “Who were you talking to in here?”

Shit. Hopefully, he just heard your voice and not what you were saying. You cross your arms, trying to hide your shaking hands. “Myself.”

Still, your brother doesn’t seem satisfied. His eyes finally settle on something on your bed. You don’t dare to look. “Whose phone is that?” 

God fucking dammit. Karkat’s phone must have fallen out of his pocket last night or something. You have to think fast. “Karkat forgot it here yesterday. You know, when you threw him out?”

Well, you’ve got his attention now. He narrows his eyes, walking towards you. You hold your ground. “Hey. I told you, it ain’t my fault that your little boyfriend got hurt. When I say ‘come to the roof’, you get your ass to the fucking roof. You got that, you little shit?”

You swallow around a lump of anger in your throat. “...Got it.”

_ “Now move.”  _ He doesn’t wait for you to respond, shoving you out of the way and yanking the closet door open. There’s nothing you can do but stand by and hope Karkat’s hidden well enough for you to get away with this.

Seconds feel like eternity, but finally, your brother huffs and steps away. He eyes you suspiciously, then turns, heading to the door. “I’m goin’ out.” He doesn’t say any more than that before he’s gone.

You stare at the front door after he leaves, not daring to move for a few moments. Finally, when you’re positive he’s gone, you let yourself relax, getting on your knees in the closet and carefully digging Karkat out from where you’d essentially buried him. “Alright, it’s safe to come out now, Kat. He’s gone, promise.”

Slowly, he emerges from the pile, clearly saken. He’s trembling, and there are tears in his eyes. Your heart immediately sinks. You shuffle closer, wrapping your arms around him. “Shhh, don’t cry, it’s okay, Kat. It’s okay, he’s gone, I’m right here…”

After a moment, his arms move slowly around you, fingers curling in the back of your shirt. You with you could tell him he didn’t need to be scared, but...well, honestly, you’re scared too. You can’t lie about that.

You’re not sure how long you stay like that, but finally, you pull away, getting to your feet and offering Karkat a hand. “Come on. Let’s get you something to eat, then I’ll walk you home. Okay?”

He seems reluctant, but after a moment, he takes your hand, getting to his feet. “Are you sure…? I can get home on my own, you know. You should try and get some more rest.”

He’s probably right about that, and you know it, but it doesn’t feel right letting him go home alone. Besides, you’re already up, and you doubt you’ll really be able to relax again any time soon. You shake your head, offering a slight smile. “I’ll rest more easily once I’m sure you’re home safe. Come on.”

You don’t risk heading out the front door, instead heading to the fire escape. It feels kind of wrong to go out without your shades, but you don’t really have much of a choice right now. You climb out your window, waiting for Karkat to do the same before beginning your descent. 

The walk is silent as you look for somewhere to stop for breakfast. You can feel Ghost by Mystery Skulls pulsing in your bones. This isn’t the same comfortable silence you and Karkat usually share. This is tense, and thick, and uncomfortable. And yet, you don’t dare to break it for fear of making things worse. 

When you happen upon a Mcdonalds, Karkat quietly insists on paying for you both. You reluctantly let him, finding a table while he waits for the food. When he rejoins you, you’re back to that uncomfortable silence.

You’re about halfway through your meal before he finally speaks up. He’s not looking at you. “I don’t want you to stay there.”

You sigh, shaking your head and looking down at your half-eaten english muffin. “I know. I don’t want to either. But I just have to stay there for a little longer…”

Another moment passes in silence before he speaks again. “What happens after we graduate? You said you weren’t doing college, right? So what…?”

You’re quiet for a bit, then shrug. “I’ve been working a few part time jobs. I’ll probably pick up a couple more once summer break starts. I’ll move out the day after we graduate, stay with friends and stuff for the summer. Then as soon as I can, get an apartment somewhere far away. After that, it’s all kind of up in the air.”

He stares at you, seeming uncertain, but doesn’t ask any more questions. You settle back into silence.

You manage to force the rest of your meal down. Karkat paid for it, after all, and you’re not sure when you’ll eat again. Once your boyfriend is finished eating, you set off again. This time, neither of you speaks until you’re at his doorstep. Even then, a moment passes with you just staring at each other in silence. Finally, you press a kiss to his cheek, pulling back with a slight smile. “I’ll see you on Monday, alright?”

He nods, managing a small, forced smile of his own. “Right...see you then.” And with that, he heads back inside.

You stare at the door in silence for a few moments before sighing and turning away. You really do feel like a ghost as you head back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlEb3L1PIco)   
>  [Tumblr.](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lilithwiththefanfics)
> 
> I don't even know if this was better or worse than the last chapter? Oof. Sorry anyways. Hope you liked it! Be sure to let me know your thoughts in the comments!


	32. I need you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you heal up, Karkat comes by your apartment less and less. You don’t blame him.

You don’t wind up going to school on monday. Or for the rest of the week, for that matter. You’re aching and hurting in more ways than one, and as much as you hate staying in an apartment where Bro could walk in at any moment, you know you need to rest. You have to call your part-time bosses and make up something about being in an accident. They’re all very understanding. You’ll still have jobs to go back to next week.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you wish time would move faster so that you could leave, permanently. 

Jade pestered you on Tuesday to make sure you were okay. You don’t think you’ve ever missed a day of school before. Not because Bro would give a shit if you went or not. But you’d rather be anywhere else but here.

Even though you told her you were fine, you guess she told John and Rose, because they pester you not long after. You insist that you’re okay, but your sister, at least, sees right through it. You never could lie to her.

So you don’t. You tell her all about the last few days - how you’d ignored Bro’s note to go see Karkat, how mad he’d been when you got home, how your boyfriend had tried so hard to protect you, and had gotten hurt because of it. You tell her about being beaten into unconsciousness, about those messages you’d seen when you’d woken up, how he’d come over after and cried for you, and you’d cried too, because you were so  _ scared.  _

You’ve always been scared, even if you spent so many years denying it. And sometimes, you feel like you’ll never  _ stop  _ being scared. That scares you even more.

For once, Rose doesn’t interrupt. She doesn’t make any sarcastic remarks or witty quips. She lets you vent, lets you get it all out of your system, and when you’re done, she apologizes for being unable to help you with this. You don’t mind, not really. Honestly, you feel a bit better just having spoken to someone about it, even if all she did was listen.

Karkat sneaks into your room every night that week, bringing you home cooked meals, bottles of apple juice, and notes from almost all your classes, and so much fucking love and comfort that it’s almost overwhelming.

You think he still feels partly responsible for what happened to you, even though you keep telling him it’s not his fault. He doesn’t say it out loud anymore, but you can’t help but get that impression from him.

It takes a week for you to heal up enough to get back on your feet, returning to your regular program. Or maybe not so regular - you’ve added a couple of jobs to your roster, so now you’re juggling school, being a cashier at both a local supermarket and a movie theater, a retail sales associate, a waiter and busser, and scooping ice cream. It’s a lot, and it leaves you exhausted, but fuck, you need the money. You’d finally started looking at prices for apartments, and it’s actually painful how expensive they are.

As you heal up, Karkat comes by your apartment less and less. You don’t blame him. You know he’s working his ass off with college applications and preparing to retake his SATs. As far as you’re concerned, he did amazingly the first time, better than you ever could have done, but he insists that he can do better. 

Your proud of him, really. You know he works nonstop for all of this, and no one deserves to get into their dream school more than he does. But you’re both so busy now, neither of you really get to spend much time together. You miss him. And if it’s this bad now, you have no clue how you’re going to cope when he’s off at college actually making something of himself and you’re on your own, struggling to pay for an apartment and trying to figure out what to do next.

You try not to think about it, but the thought keeps creeping up on you. You’ve never been in a long distance relationship before. Karkat’s an amazing guy - you have no doubt that once he gets to college, people will be tripping over him. People so much better than you, people with more in common with him, people with ambition, who are actually going somewhere in life.

It’s not that you doubt him. You’re sure he’d be faithful, because fuck, he’s just that perfect. The problem is how  _ you’d  _ feel. You’d be holding him back, when you have no doubt anyone else could make him so much happier. Fuck, you hate the thought of doing that to him, but it’s not like you can just leave either. You need him now more than ever.

The only good thing about this whole mess is that between school and all your jobs, you don’t have a whole lot of time to worry about anything else. Those thoughts can only creep up on you when you’re not busy, which is pretty damn rare. And with all the shit you’re juggling, time just seems to fly on by.

It’s near the end of April now, barely a month from your graduation. You just got home from an evening of selling movie tickets, and fuck, you’re tired. You’re contemplating just going to sleep as you listen to the gay story album by in love with a ghost when your phone pings. Pesterchum. You take a second to decide whether or not you should ignore it, and it pings again. And again. Well, you’re not going to sleep with it doing that. Yawning, you pull it from your pocket and unlock it to see who it is. 

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 23:42 --

CG: DAVE.  
CG: DAVE, HOLY SHIT.  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE HOME, I HAVE TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS.  
CG: CHECK YOUR PHONE, ASSHOLE!  
TG: what the fuck dude relax i just got home okay  
TG: what is it did something happen do you need to vent  
CG: NO, I DON’T THINK SO.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW YET.  
TG: you dont know why your messaging me  
CG: I KNOW WHY I’M MESSAGING YOU!  
CG: I JUST DON’T KNOW IF IT’S A GOOD OR BAD THING YET.  
TG: can you please just tell me before i start freaking out  
CG: OKAY, OKAY.  
CG: I GOT A LETTER FROM COLUMBIA.  
TG: holy shit no way  
TG: what does it say did you get in  
CG: I DON’T KNOW! I HAVEN’T OPENED IT YET!  
TG: what are you waiting for cmon kat do it  
CG: OKAY, OKAY, I’M DOING IT!  
TG: so  
TG: you got in didnt you  
TG: kat come on dont leave in in suspense like this  
TG: what does it say

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum! --

TG: kat  
TG: oh fuck karkat no  
TG: hey dont freak out youll get plenty of offers from other schools

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum! --

TG: hey fuck em anyways  
TG: if they wont let someone as brilliant as you in then their standards are way too high  
TG: dont take it too hard  
TG: they’re a bunch of stuffy old farts anyways  
TG: who needs ivy league shits hella overrated

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum! --

TG: kat come on dont be upset itll be okay

TG: ill leave you alone now if you need a sec

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is online! --

CG: DAVE, OH MY GOD.  
TG: are you okay  
CG: I’M MORE THAN OKAY.  
CG: I GOT IN!  
TG: oh thank fuck i had no clue how to deal with that situation  
CG: HANG ON, IT GETS BETTER.  
CG: THEIR GIVING ME A SCHOLARSHIP!  
CG: I MEAN, NOT A _HUGE_ SCHOLARSHIP, BUT STILL!  
TG: kat thats amazing  
TG: im so proud of you  
TG: see im even going to break character and use a few exclamation marks to show how happy for you i am!!!  
CG: AHHH!  
CG: I HAVE TO GO TELL PEOPLE, SEE YOU TOMORROW?  
TG: of course

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 00:37 --

 

You stare at the phone in you hand, even after it goes dark. That’s it, then. He got in. He’s going to leave and go to some fancy ivy league university while you’re left clueless. You’re happy for him. You are. Even as tears burn in your eyes, you’re happy for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update, I've been super busy with work and also honestly I just??? Wasn't feeling this chapter. I have then next one planned already, though, so it shouldn't take too long!  
> \--  
> You can listen to the album [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkUHi1EQMXE).  
> You can check out my tumblr [here](https://lilithwiththefanfics.tumblr.com/).

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Cure for Insomnia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11169528) by [StridickVantasshole (NSEW)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NSEW/pseuds/StridickVantasshole)




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